My Curse @mystic75
Chapter 6

June ... I don't give a shit anymore what day it is.

Dear y/n,

I'm so sorry. I tried so hard to fight what I've become. I really did. But I can't fight it anymore. The mark wants, and has taken everything I have. Everything except you. I don't want to do it, y/n. I would rather die than hurt you again, but the mark has taken that from me too! I wish I had deleted your number when I still could have. Now the mark won't let me. My fingers are itching to text you and lure you in. My hands are aching to be wrapped around your throat! And my cock is throbbing to be buried inside you! The mark is burning to take the last shred of humanity left inside me. To take you. After that, there will truly be no way back for me.

If it means anything to you, I would try to make your death as quick and painless as possible, if I could. But I know the mark has other ideas. And if I were being totally honest with myself and you, those ideas excite me. It wants you to suffer slowly. To make you feel the pain I feel every fucking day! To take what it wants from you and bleed you dry! It wants to destroy you, y/n! To utterly destroy us both!

It will be the last time I ever see your beautiful face, since I know I will never make it to where you are going. Never share our best memories together. Never share eternity. Because I will never see Heaven. Is it wrong for me to hope that the memory that you end up living in is one of me? I guess it is, but I can't help being a little egotistical. I just can't imagine anyone else but me being with you and making you happy. But making you happy is far from what I have done. I did something far worse than hurt you physically. I broke your heart. I left you to deal with the aftermath without me. To grieve the death of our child alone.

Knowing that the end is coming fills me with dread and relief all at the same time. Is that even possible? Would you be happy to be free from the pain of your life? The pain that I caused? I just can't imagine a world without you in it. And I can't imagine allowing you to live another second without me either. I know that's selfish, but the mark knows you too well, I suppose. It knows you are dying inside without me. What kind of man would I be if I allowed you to suffer this life without me? It's for you're own good, really.

I truly wish you could understand the conflict inside of me. But, not you, not Sam,... HELL, I don't think even God really understands the rage and the quilt that has been warring inside of me for so long. But now the war is over. It's too late. Too late to be sorry. Too late to go back. I can only move forward. I've put the old Dean to rest. The new Dean just doesn't give a fuck anymore. The new Dean craves causing pain and spraying blood across my face and the walls. To bathe in it. To listen to the screams of my victim and let it fuel the lust inside me until I'm cumming hard! I've heard your beautiful screams, y/n. Just thinking about them make me so hard that I could cum in my pants right now! And I've tasted your blood! I know how sweet it is.

FUCK! I can't get the taste of your blood out of my head! And I can't wait to taste it on my tongue one more time! I've already fallen over the edge and am careening toward oblivion. So what does it matter what comes pouring out of me now? The mark wants me to rip you open and eat your heart while it's still beating! The longer I wait, the more bloodthirsty I get! If I wait much longer, the mark is gonna want me to tear you to shreds.
And I'll be laughing as I do it.

I'll see you soon, Sweetheart.
-Dean

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