My Curse @mystic75
Chapter 4

June 9th, 2015

Dear y/n,

Y/n, please forgive me. What am I saying? What I did to you can't be forgiven! It should NEVER be forgiven! You were always there for me and you trusted me to look out for you. And I betrayed that trust! I hurt you. No 'hurt' isn't the right word. I'm still having problems even thinking the word! I get nauseous when I think about what I did. I raped you. How could I do that to the woman I love? Being a demon was just an excuse! I know that now. I am responsible for my actions. I am responsible for the death of our child.

But, and I know you'd hate me for this, I can't bring myself to be sorry that the baby died. How could you look at it knowing that it was conceived in an act of savage brutality? How could our child live in the world as it is now? The world that I helped to create. I hate myself for saying it, but it is better off never having been born. I only wish I could say the same for myself. I often wonder how much better off all of us would be if I never existed. I don't know how much longer I can take this! Even when I stay away I keep hurting the people I love!

The mark is hungry again! I can feel it! It's screaming at me to feed it! To find another pretty girl with your eyes that I can take out my rage and my lust on. I can almost feel her blood running between my fingers and the mark is tingling with excitement. I know that soon I'll be flying down the highway looking to quiet the screaming burn in my arm and in my head. I don't want to do it! I DON'T! But what kills me is that deep down in the darkest part of my soul, I love it! The rush of Adrenalin, the feeling of power, the rush of blood to my cock... And more than anything else, the exquisite tingle of the mark. It's ecstasy! It's more than that, but that is the only word that I have to describe it. The word hardly does the feelings justice.

I'm slowly becoming one of the monsters that me and Sammy have hunted all our lives. I have lost all hope of ever being human... of ever being me again. It's like I'm Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. And Mr. Hyde is showing himself more and more often and getting more and more violent and sadistic.

GOD! I wish you were here, y/n! If anyone could quiet the mark, even for a little while, it was you. The anger was still there, and you took the brunt of it, but when you were around I could fight the urge to kill. But I can't, I WON'T put you through any more of my shit! You've been through enough. But, without you I can't resist. I don't want to. I need to let the beast out! I need to slit a fucking throat! I need to fuck! I need to fuck YOU! OH JESUS CHRIST! I'm sorry, y/n! I don't know what I'm saying anymore!

I want to write more. To tell you everything. But I can't hold back the mark another second.

It needs to feed.

-Dean


June 9th (or is it 10th), 2015 ...I don't fucking know anymore!

I can't get her blood off my hands or her face outta my head! But the taste of her cunt was so sweet, y/n! She tasted like you. But it wasn't like the last time. The high afterwards isn't as strong and it's wearing off quicker! The mark already wants more. It wants you! And I don't know if I can stop it! I don't know if I want to stop it. The mark is warring with my heart. My heart loves you, y/n! But the mark wants to fuck you with the first blade and watch your blood drip from my fingers!

Is this what it feels like to lose your mind?

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