Shattered Minds @mystic75
Chapter 4

After standing in the corner for 20 minutes, Dean was calm enough for Sam to get him to sit down on the bed. His thoughts were all over the place. But they always came back to one fact. He was a MONSTER. A monster that didn't deserve to live. He just stared at his hands as hot tears streamed down his pale face. He was the most quiet and distraught that Sam had ever seen him. Even when their dad died.

" could this have happened Sammy?", Dean croaked. His voice was more gruff than usual. "Everything is still jumbled up in my head. And it hurts when I try to put the pieces back together". Sam sighed and sat down next to his brother on the side of the bed. He told him everything he knew about Abbadon seeking revenge on the brothers by trying to turn {Y/N}. And that Dean had somehow found a way to kill her using the First Blade. But had to get the mark of Caine to wield it. He had killed Abbadon but the mark made him crave killing, leading to Dean being killed by an angel. But the mark brought him back a demon. Evil, twisted, and depraved.

{Y/N} sat Indian style in the middle of her bed, staring down at her hands as she picked at her fingernails. He hair hung down, obscuring her face. She didn't notice that she had begun to rock back and forth. Bobby sat on the side of the bed with his elbows on his knees, staring at the wall. Neither of them spoke.

"I remember everything now Bobby", {Y/N} whispered. Bobby sighed and just nodded in defeat without looking up. He knew this was coming, but he had hoped that Sam would be here right now instead of him. "I guess it was dumb to think we could make all this disappear, but I had to try, ya know?" Bobby reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently. He smiled that old man smile that she loved, but she couldn't bring herself to smile back.

"I know kiddo, I know", Bobby said softly. "You did what you thought was right. For both of you. But, somethings just can't be erased. This kind of trauma leaves marks on everyone. It always comes back. {Y/N}'s face scrunched up. She knew he was right. This wasn't something that they could run away from. It was coming at them head-on, like a semi truck barreling down a dark highway with nobody behind the wheel. It was up to her and Dean to swerve out of the way or let it hit them. Would any of them survive that? She doubted that.

"I wanna see him, Bobby", {Y/N} said after a long silence. Bobby looked at her like she had gone mad. She nodded at him. Maybe she had. She wasn't sure in that moment. But, what she did know was that if this was gonna get fixed, she and Dean were the ones who had to fix it.

"Just hold on a minute, OK?", Bobby said as he left the room. He stuck his head into Dean's room and called Sam out into the hallway. "She wants to see him, Sam!", Bobby whispered. Sam wiped his mouth with the palm of his hand, looking down at the floor. He heaved a heavy sigh, looking down. He shook his head in disbelief. What was she thinking? He didn't think it was a good idea but, then again, what did he know? He hadn't been right about much lately.

"OK, Bobby", Sam said. "Bring her in. But stay close in case something happens, OK?" Bobby nodded, walking back to {Y/N}'s room. He stuck his head in and waved her to him. She took a deep breath and followed him into Dean's room. She saw Dean and Sam sitting on his bed, facing away from her. She walked slowly into the room, the silence made her feel like she was walking into a crypt. She shuddered. What was she going to say? She had no idea.

"Dean?", she said in a small voice". Dean jumped up and looked at her for a split second before dropping his face to stare at the floor. She watched his jaw twitch as he clenched his teeth. {Y/N} walked slowly closer to him. When she got a few feet away, Dean threw his hands up in front of him.

"STOP!", Dean growled through his teeth. "I don't want to hurt you, {Y/N/N}!" He backed up a few steps, still staring at the floor. Tears were streaming down his face. She flinched but didn't back away. {Y/N} stood there stoically. She had to do this and she had to do it now before she lost her nerve.

"You won't hurt me Dean", {Y/N} said emphatically. "I know that what happened wasn't your fault. I don't blame you, Dean! I blame that Bitch Abbadon! If it weren't for her, none of this would have happened. I can't live the rest of my life like this! I have to try to get passed it! And so do you! We need you! I NEED YOU! Your my best friend and I can't...I WON'T let this ruin the rest of our lives!" She was almost shouting at him now.

Dean stared at her like he was seeing her for the first time. She was so strong. So much stronger than he was. His admiration for her tripled in that moment and he vowed that he would do his very best not to let her down. He gave her the best smile he could, which admittedly felt more like a grimace to him. He walked a few tentative steps toward her and she flew at him, wrapping her arms around his chest. Dean stood there for a moment, afraid to move. Slowly he tightened his arms around her and laid his cheek on the top of her head.

"When did you become so wise, hmm?", Dean asked, his voice thick with tears. {Y/N}'s eyes bore into him for a moment then turned sad as she looked away. "I had to grow up pretty fast". Dean heart shattered. He squeezed his eyes shut as he hugged her tight, kissing the top of her head.

Bobby stood just inside the open door, watching this exchange. The guilt of not telling anyone of Crowley copability in this whole thing was twisting in his gut like a knife. The knowledge that it was Crowley that told him about the first Blade, knowing full well that the end result would be Dean coming back as a demon. Crowley wanted a Winchester on his side, but it had all blown up in his face when Dean wouldn't play by Crowley's rules. Bobby removed his cap and wiped his sweaty forehead.

"Um, guys? I got something I gotta tell ya".

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