A.N. Just in case anyone reads this and gets confused, Hima-chan is what Sakurako used to call Himawari when they were in elementary school, which is why she sometimes thinks it. Also, Onee-chan means big sister/brother, and in Japanese culture, it is customary to leave your shoes at the entrance of a building.
A Failed Confession
I was pacing back and forth in my bedroom, already dressed and ready for school, I had been on edge since I randomly woke up far earlier than usual. I sat down on my bed, bracing myself against my hands and allowing my blond hair to fall over my face. I found little comfort in the act as I pulled out the small sunflower hair-pin that Himawari used to wear in Elementary School.
I felt tears start to prick at my eyes as I remembered just how close we had been so long ago and comparing it to the constant arguing and fighting that we seemed to be stuck in now. I growled at myself a little; I know that everyone thinks that I am dumb, and rightly so, but I at least knew that all of our problems stemmed from me and my reluctance to express my feelings properly.
I reached to my bedside table, opening the small draw I reached in and pulled out the small framed photo that I had hidden from anyone. I couldn't help but smile as I ran my fingers slowly around the shape of Himawari's beautifully round face, imagining the feeling of my fingers running along the edge of her hair.
I still remembered the day I had taken the photo, it was a warm Spring day, only a month ago, Himawari was pushing herself harder than usual, and I had been watching her get more and more tired as the days went on. Eventually, I just couldn't take it anymore and I tried to express my concern for the slightly older girl. As usual, it turned into a fight ending with Himawari storming off to collect her things from our classroom.
I hung back for a few minutes, expecting Himawari to leave without me since I knew that if I walked with her, we'd just end up fighting once again which I knew would end with me once again crying myself to sleep. I ended up waiting for about half an hour as I had wanted to calm myself down a bit before leaving for home, and it ended up taking much longer than usual.
I had sighed in frustration before deciding it was just ridiculous and that there was no way I'd be able to calm down, so I stalked off towards our classroom myself, intending to grab my things and leaving for the day myself. But as I walked into the classroom I was surprised to see Himawari sitting at her desk, her head buried in her arms.
"Himawari, why are you still here?" I asked as I approached her desk, had she been waiting for me this entire time? If so, then why?
I put those questions aside as I stepped up beside Himawari and reached out a trembling hand, "Himawari?" I asked as I shook the blue haired girl a little, Hima-chan's head turned to the left revealing that her eyes were closed and that her breathing was even and shallow.
I found myself smiling down at Hima-chan as I quickly searched through my pocket for my phone, I snapped a very quick picture of her sleeping face, or multiple picture's, before stashing my phone back into my pocket. I reached out a trembling hand once again and combed my fingers through Himwari's soft, blue hair, my heart beginning to beat a little faster as I did so.
"You're so beautiful," I whispered as I knelt beside her.
As I stared at Hima-chan's sleeping face I felt my feeling's start to bubble within my heart but, before I did something stupid, I decided to grab Himawari's shoulder and shake her a little harder than before.
"Wake up Himawari," I said a little more forcefully.
The blue-haired beauty stirred, her golden eyes opening up slowly to meet my hazel ones, a small smile appeared on her features, and I couldn't help but wish I could take a photo of her cute smile.
"Took you long enough," Himawari said as she stretched her hands above her head, yawning softly as she did so.
"Well I didn't want to wake you straight away, and clearly, I was right about you pushing yourself too hard, I've never seen you fall asleep at school before."
Hima-chan looked down a little bashfully; I expected a fight to start any minute with Himawari defending herself but much to my surprise she didn't defend herself at all.
"I know and… I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier… If you want, I'll make you any kind of sweets that you want when we get home."
I grinned at that statement, "I want chocolate chip cookies!" I exclaimed excitedly as I pulled Himawari out of her chair and ran off with her hand in mine.
I was brought out of my reverie by a soft knock on the door, I quickly stowed the photo and hair-pin in my bedside table and called out for whomever it was to come in. My younger sister's head appeared in the gap as the door opened, her long brown hair hanging limply.
"What is it, Hanako?" I asked, hiding my face as I discreetly wiped away the tears that were dripping down my cheeks.
"I…" Hanako started but seemed to change her mind quickly, "Hima-chan is waiting for you outside, Onee-chan" I could hear a slight quiver in Hanako's voice, but I ignored it as I stood up, a confident grin plastered on my face.
"Tell her I'll be right down," I said as I gathered my bag and stuffed the half-completed homework that was sitting on my desk into said bag. I smiled as I took in the small, laminated picture of a sunflower that I had left loose in my bag, three simple words written on it in permanent marker, 'I Love You.'
"I'll tell you today," I said confidently as stomped my way down the stairs excitedly, I brushed passed my older sister Nadeshiko who yelled something about not running in the house that I completely ignored as I ran to front door, I through my shoes on excitedly before throwing the door open and giving Hima-chan my brightest smile.
"It's about time," Himawari said with a frown on her face, and I felt my confidence waver.
"Sorry, mum," I said sarcastically as I stomped passed her. I stopped at the road and waited for the blue-haired girl to catch up before continuing.
"Did you finish your homework?" Himawari asked her usual question as we started towards the bus stop.
I puffed my chest out confidently, "I finished half of it all by myself," I bragged, fully expecting Himawari to praise me as usually all I would do by myself is write my name on top of the worksheets.
"Is that it?" Himawari asked incredulously.
"What do you mean?" I asked, my tone becoming harsh, "It's so much better than normal, and besides, if you had helped me last night, I would have finished the whole lot."
"Who cares? You should be able to do it yourself; it is in your capacity to do it because even when I help you, you still do most of it by yourself."
I growled a little in annoyance; this wasn't what I wanted to talk about, not at all, I quickly turned on Himawari as she had started trailing behind me a little. I stared up into her golden eyes and felt my heart begin to hammer in my chest as my nerves began flaring. 'I love you,' I thought to myself, Out loud you imbecile.
"Himawari I…" My voice broke before my throat became dry, and I was rendered unable to speak.
"Sakurako… We should get moving, or we're going to miss the bus," Himawari explained.
I shook my head, "No, I need to tell you… I want to tell you that I… I… I tried my hardest with the homework," I mumbled as I grabbed my left forearm with my right hand and looked down at my feet anxiously.
Hima-chan put her hand on my shoulder, "I know Sakurako, and don't worry, I'll help you finish it before school starts," Himawari spoke, her sweet voice drifting into my ears like leaves dancing in the wind. "Now let's go before we miss the bus."
I stood still while Himawari slowly continued to walk along the road, heading towards the bus stop, I turned back around so I could watch her as she walked away, a lone tear slipped from my eye and slowly trailed down my cheek.
"I love you."My voice was barely a whisper as I spoke, my heart aching in what had become a very familiar manner thanks to my own cowardice as the three words I wished could reach Himawari drifted off into the wind, disappearing into the bursting world of failed confession's.
I shook my head as I wiped the tear away, "One day," I said as I fought back a sob and plastered what I hoped was a grateful smile on my face before running after Himawari, "Wait up, Himawari!"