Eyes of oceans
Disclaimer: I do not own MASH or any of its property. I make no profit off this work and do not intend to. I write to entertain.
Warnings: war, depression, anxiety, ptsd, trauma, war related trauma, period typical homophobia, abandonment issues.
Summary: BJ spends a lot of time staring into Hawks eyes and can't figure out his eye colour, so like any heterosexual married man: he becomes obsessed with his best friends eyes. ADHD!Hawkeye, Autistic!Hawkeye, Neurodivergent!Hawkeye.
AN: the colour of Hawkeye's eyes were driving me batty, so I did some pondering, hours of analysis and finally some playing around with oil pastels. I decided, why not fic it too? I decided it changed based on the light on his face and in the background, as well as seasons (his hair colour starts of as ink black and goes more and more silver grey till we get a salt and pepper kind of mix). Thus we get different levels of contrast.
"What do you think of Hawks eye, what colour are they?" BJ had asked, startling Father Malachy.
The priest had stared back, too thrown off to even say some vague but meaningful statement in reply. "Are you feeling feverish, perhaps? Or did you take a sip too many of that gin this morning?" He asked carefully. He was offering BJ an excuse, BJ was definitely toeing the line towards gay...and he was dangerously close. Even for a married man with a child.
BJ didn't get the memo.
"My son, let me counsel you on how all of god's creations are beautiful in the privacy of the confessional." He advised instead.
BJ grinned back, not getting it but shutting up.
The next person asked was Margaret. She had been far less quiet about it. Far less careful. "What do you think of Hawks eye, what colour are they?" BJ had asked.
She turned to face him, looking annoyed. "What are you saying?! Is this your way of telling me that you have a crush on the Captain? Because the whole camp already know that!" She replied sharply.
BJ had looked genuinely confused, under the multiple layers of red he was turning. "I was thinking they were blue...but sometimes they look silver...and ah...it seemed strange?" He offered.
Margaret stared, waiting for more. That excuse was weak, flimsy enough for any review board to break down in an instant. She eyed him carefully, paying attention for the first time. He seemed sincere. It wasn't a ploy. Or a joke. Or some absurd attempt at telling her about his attraction to his roommate. She sighed. "I don't pay that much attention to his eyes, okay? I suppose if I had to decide, I'd pick blue. Maybe a lighter blue. Silverish to be sure, but definitely blue. Does that answer the question?" She answered
The Father was next. "Maybe a silver gray?" He had finally replied.
Klinger was next. The Corporal had actually paused upon hearing the question.
"What do you think of Hawks eye, what colour are they?" BJ had asked
"Sir? Are you getting him a shirt for his birthday or something?" He had asked.
BJ sighed, why did everyone think this was some kind of code for 'I love Hawkeye'? Fine, he could play that game. "Yeah, and you have such a great eye for colour you know? You know how to dress nicely, and your dresses do bring out your eyes." He said instead.
Klinger grinned, eating up the praise. "I suppose I can help you there, it makes sense that only of us should bear the pain of being a fashionista!" He said dramatically. "So the way I see it, his eyes are blue. A dark blue, but the slight sliver of his eyes does make them almost...shimmer...like a sun on a pond, you get me?" He advised. "Maybe purple would be the best choice." he decided.
Radar was next.
"What do you think of Hawks eye, what colour are they?" BJ had asked.
Radar had thought about it. "Blue, dark blue but with some lighter blues mixed in. Why do you ask?"
BJ shrugged. "I guess it just bugs me. Every time I look at his eyes, they seem different...I guess I just want to know. I dunno really, it just seems important." He commented.
Radar had smiled sweetly and nodded. "I think I understand" was all he said.
Finally Hawkeye was back from R&R. BJ felt more settled than he had been in days. The whole time that Hawk had been away, he had been restless. He couldn't settle. He couldn't keep stupid things off his mind...like a certain captains eyes. And it bugged him. Who was Hawkeye to take up so much of his mind? Who was Hawkeye to him, that he would miss him more than his wife? Who was that black haired brat that he would miss the way he smiled? Or even his smell? BJ had been unable to sleep in his own bunk, but the minute he had tried in Hawkeye's bunk, there had been no problems. That damned cheeky brat had a lot to answer for! He resolved to ignore Hawkeye for a week, because surely that would fix things. But maybe after a nap...
Hawkeye had walked and in a dumped his bag on the bed. Only his bed had groaned...a soft smile appeared on his face. There on his bed lay his best friend, his constant companion and his desperate crush. It seemed he had been missed. His idiot best friend had felt his absence. He tucked the blankets and ran his hand through his friends hair. BJ settled.
Hawk was exhausted from the trip back in the jeep. He settled in BJs bunk and napped.
Hawk woke much later to find BJ already up. "Miss me?" He asked, grinning wildly.
BJ had rolled his eyes but smiled back. "I guess it's been quiet." He commented nonchalantly.
Hawkeye didn't take offence, it was abundantly clear that he was missed.
That night when everyone had gone back to thier tents, BJ finally admitted it.
Hawkeye had gone to shower and found BJ in his bunk. "I guess were switching bunks then" he commented. "Did you use my bunk the whole time I was away?" He asked softly.
BJ shrugged, not even pretending to be embarrassed. "It's warmer... closer to the sun, you know?" He excused, but it was unconvincing.
Hawk grinned fondly. "The sun huh?" He joked softly. "Mind if I join you? I promise I'm warm." He asked softly.
BJ made room, and Hawkeye slid in front on him. The tension had had observed was more obvious now, but BJ was relaxing. BJs strong arms were around him, holding him close, pressed against his chest.
"Hawk, what colour are your eyes? It's been driving me nuts all week." BJ asked suddenly, sleep tinging his words.
Hawkeye paused for a moment of stunned silence but managed to reply. "My mother would say I had the whole ocean in my eyes. She loved to tell me beautiful they were, but espially when she would call them the ocean on a calm summers day. She said it was like a greenish blue with silver waves highlights." He confessed quietly. This story was for BJ only. A rare and precious glimpse deep behind his mask.
BJ accepted this as such. He agreed. His best friends eyes were much like an ocean, changing based on the weather. Sometimes dark blue, sometimes silver, sometimes light blue. Always beautiful beyond anything he had ever seen. He finally closed his eyes and slept better than he had all week.