Hermione Singer @aaliseliza
No Exit, Part 1

Bobby and Sam spent the next two weeks watching in morbid fascination as Hermione complied with every single command Dean gave her. Well, at least, she did after initially rebuking every single order Dean attempted to issue and frustrating him to no end. Her sudden compliance only occurred after he informed Hermione, she'd lost her wand for an additional week. Due tothe impressive number of vases and dishware Hermionesubsequently launched at Dean's head, with incredible accuracy, Bobby and Sam made themselves scarce.

After Hermione finally exhausted herself, albeit it was more due to running out of stuff to destroy, Bobby dispatched Dean to go into town to purchase a new set of dishes. It was a practical measure to separate the two hotheads, as well as recognizing the damage was beyond magical repair, even had Hermione still possessed a wand. While Dean was running errands, Hermione found herself handed a baseball bat and told to go smash windows of junked cars that Bobby had no intention of fixing.

"How bad will it be when she gets her magic back?" Sam muttered as he helped sweep up the shards of broken glass and ceramic. Across the kitchen, Bobby had already abandoned the dust pan for a beer, and tossed one to Sam.

"He won't be alive, that's for damn sure," Bobby answered wryly. "That said, I don't think we're going to survive the two of them dancing around each other."

"It's certainly entertaining," Sam said opening the beer.

"Hazardous you mean. I've had hunts where I was safer than I am in my own damn house. If I didn't watch Dean rile her up, I'd assume the girl was possessed. She rarely lost her temper before meeting you two idjits."

"Don't lump me into it. I'm not the one constantly antagonizing her."

"Yeah," Bobby conceded. "Just wish I knew if I'd have a house left after they finish with each other."

"Any idea what Dean's in for?"

"No, but then again I've never been stupid enough to piss her off."

"Has Rufus?'

Bobby snorted into his beer, "As if he'd risk his free alcohol supply. Why do you think he insists on hunting with her? She hands him a full bottle of Johnny Walker Blue every time he sees her."

"She mentioned something about that," Sam said laughing. "Never thought I'd see the day when Rufus turned into a softy."

Bobby didn't answer, choosing instead to return to cleaning up the debris in the kitchen. The rest of Hermione's magical recuperation wasn't nearly as explosive. Despite the power Dean currently had over Hermione, he remained surprisingly level headed and subdued. Wisely he'd trusted no one with the information on where he'd stashed Hermione's wand or bag. Hermione spent her time creating a potions pantry and organizing lists of ingredients and finished concoctions she wanted to keep on hand in case of emergencies. When the task was as completed as could be without her magic, Hermione reorganized Bobby's library. Afterwards she started cleaning his study until he threw her out of the house entirely.

Hermione didn't waste a second when Dean finally returned her wand and beaded bag. She promptly hit him with a sharp stinging hex on his inner thigh.

"Pity, my aim is a bit off," Hermione sneered, stepping over his prone body and walking back into the house. A loud crack told them she'd disapparated.

"You got off easy," Bobby told him as Dean hobbled back to his feet. Grumbling he went straight to work on his car. When he finally returned to the house that evening, Dean found a perfect apple pie cooling in the fridge. He never hesitated before eating it.

The next morning, Dean was up earlier than usual, but hadn't managed to beat the rest of the group awake. He barely managed a civil greeting before going straight out to the Impala. Hermione smirked when Bobby and Sam suddenly bolted out of the house when they heard Dean's agonized screaming moments after he'd left.

"Son," Bobby called out, still approaching with caution. "Where's the fire?"

Dean was hysterically circling the pristine Impala, with no obvious threat in sight. Despite appearances, Bobby remained prepared to fire his shotgun. Sam did a quick sweep, and shook his head to tell Bobby he found nothing.

"Dean?" Sam asked.

"Look at my car!" Dean bellowed, gesturing wildly towards it.

"It looks good?" Sam asked, his voice tilting upwards. He and Bobby exchanged confused glances. "Dean it looks better than it did before the crash."

"Good? Good?" Dean asked pivoting to glare at his brother. "Is that a joke? I swear I'll shoot you Sammy."

"Dean, you sure you're feeling okay?" Bobby asked, glancing between him and the Impala several times. "Your brother's right, the car looks near perfect."

Hesitating, Bobby asked, "How much did you drink last night?"

"None, Jesus…Bobby!" Dean shouted. "This isn't a joke. I'm not crazy. I haven't had anything since that pie I ate before hitting the hay. Pie isn't going to make me delirious nor is it some demonic evil capable of destroying my baby."

"Food poisoning?" Sam asked glancing between his brother and Bobby. "It tasted fine, although I don't know why that would effect the state of my car!"

"Who made it?" Bobby asked sarcastically, and instantly, Dean's fury erupted.

"I'm going to gank her."

"Balls," Bobby swore as he took off after Dean towards the house. By the time he and Sam reached it, Dean was already bellowing at Hermione while she just stared at him utterly indifferent.

"Is nothing sacred?!"

"Can I help you with something Dean?" Hermione asked, her tone syrupy sweet. "You seem a bit riled up."

"How could you?"

"I simply have no idea what has you so worked up."

"You ruined Baby."

"Exactly how would I destroy your car? You sleep with it overnight; besides I haven't had a wand for a fort night."

Dean glared at her, "The pie…you poisoned the pie."

"Did I?"

I will shoot you," Dean swore.

"Good luck with that," Hermione said grinning at him smugly. "I'm afraid you won't able to pick one up for about two weeks without a nasty shock to your nether region, but by all means put that to the test."

Following Hermione's revenge for withholding her magic, Bobby decided that a separation for Dean and the witch would be the best solution, and promptly kicked the Winchesters off his property.

"Go to the Roadhouse and check in with Ash. Find a case, I don't care, but I don't want to see Dean for at least a week," Bobby informed Sam, who agreed that separating the two was necessary to prevent one of their deaths. He honestly didn't know who would win that ultimate fight.

Unfortunately, neither Sam or Bobby realized the depths of Dean's stupidity, which meant they failed to prevent him from demanding Hermione make him a pie for the road. Sam knew his brother was in trouble when she smiled sweetly. Before Dean could react, she'd hexed him, and he spent the next two hours sneezing up raw ingredients involved in baking a pie. It was simultaneously the most hilarious and gruesome revenge Sam had seen in his life.

Bobby then made Dean clean his kitchen before letting either brother hit the road. Sam couldn't stop replaying the image of his older brother sneezing up flour or the subsequent series of violent sneezes that the salt triggered when it forced itself out of his brother's nose. Dean, predictably, was brooding the entire drive down to the roadhouse.

The moment they walked into the bar, realizing Jo and Ellen were in the middle of a screaming match, each regretted it. Unfortunately, before they could disappear, both women spotted them.

"Not a great time boys," Ellen said.

"No, I want to know what they think about it!"

Dean and Sam exchanged uneasy looks before the Harvelle's started fighting again. Wisely, both hunters kept their mouths shut, even when another family walked in to the bar. It wasn't until a phone call Ellen was forced to take provided a break in the argument.

"Take it," Jo insisted thrusting the file towards Dean. "It won't bite."

"No, but your mom might," Dean retorted before reluctantly taking the file and sifting through it. "Ash put this together?"

"No, I did," Jo said before diving into the details of the case.

"We've hit the road for less," Sam mentioned. "Plus, Bobby did tell us to get lost for a week."

"You boys take it then," Ellen said walking back into the room and ignoring Jo's shriek of outrage. "Wait…Bobby kicked ya'llout?"

"His niece is visiting," Sam lied smoothly. "He wants to avoid all hunter activity around her."

"Well at least someone's got their head on straight," Ellen said with a nod of approval. "Now boys, take that file and get out of my bar."

Pulling up to the building in Philadelphia that Jo had identified as the source of the murders, Sam and Dean climbed out of the Impala.

"I feel bad for snaking Jo's case," Sam admitted as they headed inside the apartment that the latest murder occurred in.

"She put together a good file," Dean agreed, "but can you see her out here working one of these things? I don't think so."

They continue investigating the apartment silently when Sam calls Dean over, "Do you see this?"

"Holy crap."

"That's ectoplasm," Dean identified. "We're dealing with a spirit with serious mojo."

"Yeah," Sam agreed. "I've only seen this stuff twice in my life."

They both head out of the apartment and froze when they heard voices.

"Ellen's going to kill her," Sam muttered to himself, watching asJo walk right up to Dean and slide her arm around his waist. His eyes widened as Dean awkwardly laugh and slap Jo's ass. Sam never had seen Dean look so uncomfortable over a girl's attention. Regretfully Bobby wasn't here to witness this once in a lifetime occurrence.

"If it's good enough for Dean-o, it's good enough for me!" Jo declared in the voice of a southern belle. It was all Sam could do not to laugh at his brother's absolute disgust. He outright had to turn away when Dean slapped Jo's ass again obviously trying to get her to stop.

"Does your mother know you're here?" Dean demanded, the moment Sam shut the apartment door behind them, outright ignoring Jo when she spoke.

"She thinks I'm in Vegas. Ash is laying a credit trail down for me," Jo answered dismissively. "Did you honestly think I'd just let you steal my case?"

"We didn't steal it and you shouldn't be lying to your mom," Dean said as the girl stared at him in obvious disbelief.

"As if you always listened to John," Jo shot back.

"Yeah and he's dead," Dean said. "Which is exactly my point. Not listening, running head first without a plan, it all just gets you killed!"

"Dean," Sam said trying to intervene. "What's done is done. Jo's here. There's no point in yelling at her. Let's just the work on the case and do it carefully."

"At least someone has their panties untwisted," Jo muttered as Sam and Dean shot her glares. They all stared at Dean's phone when it suddenly started ringing.

"Well, that's probably Ellen. Game over," Dean said flipping it open. "I can explain."

"You're damn right you can explain!" Hermione bellowed into his ear.

"Mia?" Dean asked, turning away from Sam and Jo. "What's wrong? Bobby said you weren't allowed to call me for at least a week."

"Sam," Jo said, her voice forcibly sweet. "Who's Mia?"

"She's Bobby's niece," Sam answered, suddenly grateful when his own cellphone went off. He answered it so quickly he didn't look at the caller id, "Bobby I swear I didn't tell Mia to call him."

"Well that's all well and good," Ellen said over the phone, "but I'm not Bobby, nor do I have any idea who the hell Mia is, though it doesn't take a genius to figure out your brother's doing something he shouldn't be. Jo'll be devastated. Speaking of my wayward daughter, she with you?"

"I haven't seen her," Sam answered staring down Jo who was glaring at him. "I'll call you the moment she shows up, alright?"

"You do that, and slap your brother upside the head for Bobby won't you? Sounds like he needs it."

"Will do," Sam agreed.

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