Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs @lord22
Bulma snaps

Chapter Forty Three: Bulma snaps

Bulma and Kakarot flew their plane over a massive waterfall pouring down a rocky landscape, following their dragon radars coordinates. Later they passed over a long red bridge crossing a massive lake. Below they saw sailing ships floating too and fro on whatever business their crews had in mind. The mountains loomed around them, majestic and tall. Finally they crossed out over the seas, and flew over the endless expanse of blue.

Kakarot yawned. He'd been up all night, looking at the dragon radar. 'We made it to the ocean, Bulma.'

'Okay,' said Bulma, looking tired. 'what does the dragon radar say?'

'Just keep going straight.' said Kakarot. 'How long do you think it'll be?'

'At the rate we're going,' said Bulma 'I'd say forever. Let me just hit the thrusters okay. This is a special kind of plane.' Pressing a button, the plane suddenly shot forward at a massive rate, surging across the ocean at a massive rate.

Within the Red Ribbon Army HQ, General Red pet his creature affectionately while watching the one dragonball heading south and the other heading north. 'I wonder if that kid has any idea what she's getting herself into.'

'I seriously doubt it.' said Black 'That island base is top secret. She's probably just following her radar.'

'Look how fast she's going.' said Red, his hand crushing down on his pet. 'Damn brat, I want her caught!' His pet, irritated by him shoving it down, slipped out and bit him on the hand. Red hissed. 'Have you sent out an image of the boy like a told you?'

'Yes sir.' said a Red Ribbon Officer.

'Good,' said Red 'Blue will be ready for him.'

'I don't want Briefs escaping that island except in our custody!' said Red 'This time the element of surprise is on our side!' He chuckled to himself.


Blue examined himself in the mirror. His short blonde hair was combed neatly, and his blue pants and tan uniform fit him well. A bandolier was across his chest and covered by a red tie and his blue eyes were wonderful as always. He was indeed, as beautiful as the roses reflected in the mirror alongside him.

'Perfect,' he said.

'General Blue sir!' said a man. 'A communication has come from our sub marine!'

'I'll be right there.' said Blue. 'Stay put.' He put on his blue sash, and set a cap on his head before chuckling to himself.

Later as he walked through the halls alongside a tiger soldier he spoke. 'So they haven't found it yet? Thats the big news?'

'Uh… I'm afraid so sir.' said the man.

'You people are lame.' said Blue. 'Do I have to do everything for you?'

'But sir,' said the tiger as they entered the control room. 'our dragon radar stinks. Its true, it only gives us the General area the balls are in! Its just too vague sir!'

The control room was a moderate sized room, crammed tight with all kinds of radar equipment and sensor data that was kept working all day. Yet something was wrong, for some reason it had not been enough. 'I'm tired of excuses.' said Blue. Then he saw something, something so heinous he could scarcely believe his eyes. A man with his finger in his nose. Blue pointed. 'Thats why you can't find it!'

'Huh?' asked the man.

'You're too busy picking your noses!' cried Blue.

The man stood to attention fear in his eyes and a booger on his finger. 'Please sir, I wasn't-'

'Fool!' said Blue, raising a cloth to his nose. 'You're holding the evidence! Take him away! Execute him!'

Guards moved forward and grabbed the man by the arms, dragging him out the door as the man pleaded and begged for mercy. The door closed and moments later there was a sound of gunfire. Blue looked to a soldier. 'You, hop to! Douse that station!'

'Yes sir!' said the soldier, before beginning to spray it with cleaning chemicals.

'Sir,' said a ferret soldier 'a message! Its in code direct from HQ.'

'Headquarters?' asked Blue.

'Yes General,' said the ferret. 'Bulma Briefs is on her way here.'

'What?' said Blue 'The girl?' He brought a finger to his chin. 'Coming here? Well this should be fun.'

'But General,' said a crocodile. 'she and her friends destroyed the White Corps and the Silver Corps singlehandedly.'

'But not Blue, right?' Inquired Blue.

'Ah!' said the Crocodile 'Of course not sir! No!'

'Silver and White lost the fight.' said Blue 'Didn't they?' He brought up a picture of Bulma, flashing a victory sign over the prone forms of many Red Ribbon soldiers. 'But now we'll see what Blue can do.'


Meanwhile, Kakarot and Bulma soared over a series of islands dotting the blue ocean far below. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, and seagulls could be seen flying here and there. Bulma had had to turn the air conditioning on some hours ago, due to the rising heat from the beating sun far above.

'We're almost there.' said Kakarot 'We're nearing the island now.'

'Finally,' said Bulma 'I was getting really sick of driving this plane, y'know.'

Kakarot glanced out the window and saw large winged creatures flying beneath the waves. 'Interesting, underwater birds.'

'Those are giant rays, silly.' said Bulma, flying low so they could see as the creatures dove out of the water, soaring above the waves for a moment before plunging back in again.

'I never knew the world contained such wonders.' reflected Kakarot.

One of the creatures soared out of the water with a smaller one directly below it. As one they descended and splashed into the water, getting the wind shield covered in water. Bulma pulled up, as the water was swept away by the wind.

'Wow, that was close.' she said.

'Land the plane.' said Kakarot suddenly.

'Hmm?' asked Bulma.

'The ball is right below us.' explained Kakarot.

'Uh… Kakarot,' said Bulma 'there is nothing below us but water.'

'Well then its probably beneath the waves, isn't it?' asked Kakarot. 'Just find an island where we can land and prepare to delve beneath the depths. Maybe we'll find some kind of eldritch horror which gazing upon the true form of would drive one into gibbering insanity.'


Mr Popo looked up. 'Hmm?'


'Don't be silly Kakarot,' said Bulma 'that sort of thing only happens in overrated cosmic horror books. You know, the sort whose authors are too lazy to write up a description so that just write 'it was beyond comprehension.' She sighed. 'Still kid, your right. We'll need a home base. That island will do.'

She turned the plane and began her descent. As they did so, Bulma noticed something. 'Check it out down there, Kakarot. Its a boat.'

Kakarot looked where she was motioning with her head, and sure enough there was a yellow boat, bearing the emblem of the Red Ribbon Army. Then they landed, and the cockpit opened. Bulma stepped out of it, stretching as Kakarot leaped out as well.

'Look out world!' said Bulma 'The dragonball gang is here!'

'Dragonball gang?' asked Kakarot.

'Yeah,' said Bulma 'y'know, you me Yamcha, Puar, and Chi Chi. We'll need a name sooner or later if we keep adventuring like this.'

'I guess.' said Kakarot.

Bulma stretched out her arms and legs. 'Man, what a relief to be able to stretch at last.'

'I'll just go get the dragonball and be right back.' said Kakarot.

Bulma laughed. 'Oh you just want little old me to stay right here, is that it?'

'Yeah,' said Kakarot 'I mean if you want a go at swimming down to get it, I won't stop you but I figure it'll be quicker if I do it.'

'Forget it kiddo,' said Bulma, rummaging around in her bag. 'we've got better ways to find dragonballs then swimming.'

'I like swimming.' said Kakarot.

'Well I've got dino caps.' said Bulma, drawing out a purple box. 'Now, see, instant submarine!' She opened it. Then there was a squeal of surprise.

'Whats wrong?' asked Kakarot.

'This!' said Bulma 'All my capsules are gone except this one!' She pulled out a lone blue capsule. 'Oh no…' The box fell from her grip. 'This is dads. We must have gotten ours mixed up?'

'Just give it a try.' said Kakarot. 'We might just luck out.'

'I wish.' said Bulma 'But I seriously doubt it!' She brought the capsule up to her face. 'Kakarot, I have a bad feeling about this.'

'Just try it for the love of Kami!' snapped Kakarot. 'Or put it back and let me work!'

'Well… maybe…' said Bulma, a tone of dread in her voice. 'Its possible I guess…'

'Just do it!' snapped Kakarot.

'Alright!' she said 'Here goes!' She clicked it and threw it.

It landed and exploded into countless magazines which landed. Kakarot caught one and began to read through it. 'Hmm, someone has trapped these women in erotic poses. This is certainly a creative and appreciable form of witchcraft. Now if only there were some way to get them out.'

'Give me that!' snapped Bulma, snatching it from his hands.

'Wait!' said Kakarot 'We should take these to Master Roshi! He might know a way to undo the curse!'

'Shut up Kakarot, you're not that naive!' said Bulma 'Roshi would just oogle at them, and demand I do him some humiliating favor in exchange for borrowing a… sub…' She looked down at the magazines. 'I've got an idea. We can go to Master Roshi, and trade these to him in exchange for one of his subs.'

'Or,' said Kakarot 'we could keep that plan in reserve, and I could try to get the dragonball by swimming down, and not travel across the sea in a meaningless detour.'

'Just go!' snapped Bulma.

Kakarot began to swim off as Bulma fell to a kneel. 'Isn't there a man on this planet with a shred of decency! Ugh! My own Father!' After a moment she stood up and looked out to sea. 'What am I supposed to do while he's gone?' Then an idea occurred to her, and she snatched up her bag. 'If there was a boat there must be people! And where there are people, there is shopping!' And she rushed off into the woods.

The ocean extended beneath Kakarot in an endless abyss that got darker and darker, and deeper and deeper. No matter how far he swam, passing fish of all shapes and sizes, he could not see the bottom. It was magnificent, in its own way. The worlds beauty once again manifested itself to him.

Yet soon he began to run out of air. He sped up his pace to no avail, and choking finally swam up again in desperation. At last he freed himself from the water, gasping for air. 'Damn, its too deep. We'll have to use Bulma's plan.'

Swimming with all his might, he returned to the shore. 'Okay Bulma, you were right. It is too deep to swim. We'll need one of those submarines you spoke of… and she's gone. Typical really.'

Bulma pressed on through the island, every so often pausing to admire the ferns and tropical trees which grew here and there. The sound of birds chirping, and other creatures was everywhere. 'If there is a resort around here,' said Bulma to herself. 'it might even have the dino caps I need. Kakarot is strong, but I don't think he realizes how deep it is in the ocean.'

Seeing a group of blooming flowers she kneeled by it, and examined them. 'Wow, what pretty flowers.' At that moment a lizard appeared from between them and hissed at her. 'Eeek!'

Bulma punched the lizard, and it went flying away into the bushes perhaps twenty feet away. 'I'm starting to think this island is deserted. Those scuba divers must have come from a ship or something.' She stood up and gazed around. 'It feels so empty…'

Then she heard the hum of engines, and saw two hover coptors flying towards her. 'There is someone here!' she cried 'Hey! Down here! Hello! Hi!'

And then they started shooting machine guns at her. Bulma turned and ran as the dirt behind her was kicked up by lead delving into it. She fled through the trees, wondering just who was responsible for all this!

'Why me!' she snapped 'Why me!'

'Stop right there!' cried a voice over loudspeaker. 'Thats far enough!'

'Hey,' said another 'its a doll! Whats she doing down here!'

'Yeah,' said the other 'roger that.'

They began to lower before Bulma, who took a deep breath like Yamcha had taught her and got ready. Closing her eyes she focused, focused on calling on her own strength. She'd wait for them to get close, then she'd strike. Quick, and efficient, just like muscle tower.

'Stay right there or we'll shoot!' cried one.

Bulma sank to her knees as they descended before her and landed. Setting foot onto the ground, a portly dark skinned man and a olive skinned slim man emerged, wearing the emblem of the Red Ribbon Army. Bulma waited as they got closer and closer, waiting for her chance while keeping her eyes closed.

'Well what do we have here?' asked the olive skinned one.

'Just a frightened girl,' said the black one 'sorry about that. We thought you were someone else.'

Thought she was someone else. It was so outrageous Bulma completely forgot about her plan to beat them to a pulp and stood up. 'What? This was all a mistake? Jerks, whats the big idea?! I could have been killed?!'

'Hey, relax babe.' said the olive skinned one.

'You shot at me!' snapped Bulma. They were anything but apologetic.

'Come on,' said the black one 'cut us a little slack girl, we were following orders.'

'Thats right,' said the olive skinned one. 'we're soldiers, military studs.'

Bulma decided that, in her infinite patience, she would see past their assault on her and cut them a lot of slack. 'I see.' said Bulma 'Well hey, my names Bulma. I'm looking for a place to shop. Maybe find myself a sub marine at a discount?'

'A sub marine?' asked the olive skinned one.

'I like to sight see.' said Bulma. 'Y'know, look at all the reefs.'

'You can't even buy capsules here, babe.' said the olive skinned one. 'This islands deserted.'

'No way!' said Bulma 'Well darn, how strange, I wonder whose boat that was.'

Their smiles widened, and Bulma didn't like the look of them one bit. They shared a glance, and she liked that even less.

'Oh well.' said Bulma 'See you then.'

'Hold on,' said the olive skinned one. 'you're under arrest. For being too pretty.'

'No joke,' said the black skinned one. 'what a crime.'

'Gosh!' said Bulma, feigning being flattered out of habit. 'You men think I'm pretty huh?'

'Uh huh,' said the black man 'very pretty.'

'Wow, you soldiers made my day.' said Bulma 'Thank you!' And she winked at them.

She was acting of course, but on some level Bulma realized that a Bulma briefs in a parallel universe who had not been through the kinds of things she had been through would have been genuinely flattered. Dear god parallel Bulma was unbearably naive, assumed the whole universe revolved around her finding a boyfriend.

'We did, eh?' asked the olive skinned one.

The black one made a sound approaching a laugh. 'Hey, chicka baby, lets have some fun okay.'

'Fun?' asked Bulma in a false naive tone as she took a stance and they got closer. 'Hey, easy does it there boys, you really don't want to do this.'

'Oh but you do.'

It had come to this then. After finding out that her Father read tons of pornography, Bulma Briefs had unintentionally stumbled into the beginnings of a pornographic story, and she was the unfortunate girl who got raped into a mindless nymphomaniac. Bulma looked at the weights on her arms and reflected that she didn't need to remove them to take care of these guys. Then suddenly she realized that she didn't really care. She she gave them a come hither smirk, and struck a pose.

'Why don't you let me take something off first!' she said in a seductive tone.

Their smiles widened and they cheered as she took off her wristbands, then removed her weighted vest. 'You're the best babe!'

'Just you wait.' she said, smile turning savage.

Their cheers suddenly turned to screams as she came upon them.


Kakarot was wandering through the island, looking for Bulma. 'Where the hell is she? I mean I was only gone a few minutes, I've been looking-'

Then came the screaming. Horrified, tortured screaming of unfathomable agony. His heart had made that sound when he witness his father, his world being consumed by the flames of an evil beyond all imagination. So what could possibly elicit such sheer horror in the real world?

Kakarot suddenly realized that he must confront this creature, whatever it was, or else all that was good in the universe would perish. He ran towards it, thought he was terrified beyond measure.


General Red looked up from his lunch to hear a terrible sound, and felt absolutely no sympathy for the one it was being inflicted upon. 'What in the blazes is that noise?! I want this room sound proofed! Can't a fellow eat in peace?!'


Many light years away, within his ship, Babidi was shaken. He looked up, hearing a sound beyond any horror which he had inflicted, or even intended to inflict on any soul. Even Supreme Kai would not warrant the sheer torment which was now being perpetuated upon whatever creature was now suffering at the hands of an unknown entity.

'What is that noise?' asked Babidi.

'Master Babidi,' said Dabura, somewhat shaken. 'should we… uh… subvert whoever is responsible for this?'

'…No,' said Babidi 'I think we'd best keep away from earth for the next uh… two hundred, three hundred years. Time enough for that creature to die of old age you know. Best not to blight the universe, and its not like a being powerful enough to bring back Majin Buu will appear in that time anyway.'

'Yes,' said Dabura 't-that seems wise.'


And in a far possible future, Android 18 and 17 looked up from their mindless game of destruction to hear something so horrifying that it suddenly took all the fun out of the mass slaughter currently in progress.

'Holy shit!' said Seventeen 'You hear that sis?'

'I suddenly find myself with a set of standards.' said 18. 'It frightens me.'

'We gotta step up our game!' said 17, before blowing up a building full of orphans.


Kakarot came to a halt before the source of the screaming. Words could not adequately describe the horrors which had been inflicted upon those unfortunate souls whom whatever it was had slain. Their bodies were somehow totally disfigured, yet completely recognizable. Blood was everywhere for hundreds of feet, and yet still more of it was dripping down from their corpses, their faces frozen in a look of absolute horror. Were they hanging by their entrails? Then how could their entrails be on the ground over there, and hanging from a tree across from Kakarot all at once.

Time and space itself had warped, he stood now in a closed circle of carnage and terror which dwarfed all rational comprehension. And standing in the midsts of it, near two destroyed red ribbon army machines, was Bulma Briefs. She didn't have a speck of blood on her, and was perfectly clean, as though the gore dared not touch her for fear of inspiring her wrath. She walked toward him. 'Oh hey Kakarot, any luck?'

'N-no…' said Kakarot 'the… the water was too deep…'

'Okay, figures,' said Bulma 'we'll go take those magazines to Master Roshi. Serves my Dad right for having such a dirty mind.'

'D-did you do this?' asked Kakarot.

'Do what?' asked Bulma in surprise, before looking up to the bodies. 'Oh, yeah, um… I was kind of in a bad mood, and the really pushed all my buttons. Lets get back to the plane. Just you and me kid, like old times!' And she marched off enthusiastically.

Kakarot stared at the carnage one final time, feeling as though part of his soul had just died. Then he followed after her, and in that moment found himself forgetting what had happened. He had found Bulma, and she had beaten up a bunch of Red Ribbon Army goons. Yes, that was what happened.

It was the only way he would ever sleep again.


Within Blue Base, a crocodile saw the radar screen, and looked up. 'General Blue, the jetcoptors! Their gone! Kapoof!'

'Hmm?' asked Blue.

'They just ain't there anymore sir!' said the crocodile.

'So…' mused Blue 'Briefs has arrived. Well then… let the games begin.'

As Kakarot sped off with Bulma to Master Roshi's, the dastardly General Blue awaits his return. Join us next time, on Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs.


Authors Note:

So yeah, I found the contents of the most recent episode somewhat disturbing. Seeing two characters, even villains, outright planning to rape an innocent, underaged girl is kind of upsetting in a kids show. Except in this continuity Bulma has learned to fight and so is capable of beating them up. The problem was that the climax of the episode was Bulma trying to evade them long enough for Goku to get back and save her. In this context, Bulma could just kind of knock them out with ease, which is a very anticlimactic ending to an episode.

Thus I settled upon the cosmic horror angle. I'm pretty satisfied with how it turned out, even if Kakarot is now traumatized for life. And given how brutal he can be, we can be assured that Bulma was anything but gentle.

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