A/N: And I shout into the void. Yeah, this is still a thing. Is anyone out there?
Chapter 15: Softness
I layed on top of my bed, playing with the tips of my hair. I had been there most of the day.
It had been a boring day, due to the dumb busted hand. I couldn't even work on my bike, so I was happy that Santana texted me earlier about our movie night. We were still on for that night.
It was Easter weekend. Back when I was younger, I used to enjoy the whole Easter bunny thing, just like I did with Christmas and every other holiday. Now I was alone, I didn't really care for any of them. Everyone that I knew would be spending them with their families.
At least I could have this Easter with Santana.
What a thought that was.
Either I hadn't really been keeping track of what time it was, or Santana was early. Either way, I didn't really care. The sound of my name being called out made me smile a little.
Standing up from the bed, I realized I was still wearing the sweats and tank top I had been in since I struggled to shower that morning. I shrugged to myself. It wasn't the worst thing in the world to be seen without my usual ripped jeans and leather jacket.
Walking into the doorway of my room, I leaned on the frame and smirked when I spotted Santana struggling to close the door behind her with an arm full of DVDs.
Santana's eyes darted over to me when she turned around, and I noticed the way they travelled down the length of my body. The slight blush that trickled onto Santana's cheeks was more than just a little obvious.
"Hi," Santana squeaked out, before clearing her throat, "I brought movies.."
"Oh yeah.. Just a few," I chuckled, teasingly, "And the blushing? Super cute,"
I moved towards Santana to take a few of the cases from her. Even with one hand, I could probably hold more than she could. No offense to her, but she was tiny.
At my comment, Santana's face flushed a darker shade of pink, and she bashfully lowered her head, pulling her lip between her teeth.
I definitely enjoyed this little cat and mouse game I had going on with her.
"Do you wanna watch them out here, or in my room?" I asked, cutting through Santana's silence.
Santana's eyes flickered between the worn couch and the door to my bedroom.
"Oh, um.. I don't care…." She trailed off, "I mean… your bed is really comfortable…"
"The bed it is, then,"
I led Santana through to my room.
It felt comfortable between us. At least, for me. Maybe if I gave Santana whatever she asked for, then she would start to trust me again. After all, I was lucky as it was that she gave me a second chance after what I did.
Even if we hadn't really talked about what that kiss meant.
I don't think I knew what it did.
"What about Star Wars?"
Santana's chirp pulled me from my thoughts.
"Star Wars. Do you want to watch Star Wars?"
I truly didn't really know what a Star Wars was.
"Yeah… Whatever you want. You'll just have to tell me what the hell is going on,"
I chuckled to myself as I plopped down on the edge of my bed and watched as Santana trickled in, awkwardly standing beside the bed and placing the pile of DVDs on my side table without making a sound. She proceeded to climb gently onto the bed, as though moving the mattress at all would start a fire.
"You know, Chewbacca's name is inspired by the name of Chebika City, in Tunisia, near the place where Tatooine scenes where shot."
Santana's voice was more confident and she reeled off information, while opening the DVD case and handing me the disk to put into the player.
But what the fuck was a Chewbacca?
When the movie began to play, I flopped back into the bed, my head resting against the headboard and my good arm propping up my head. It took Santana a good few moments to feel comfortable before she joined me, laying beside me.
Things were silent for about thirty minutes as we watched the movie. I had no idea what was going on, nor did I really care all that much. I wasn't into movies, but Santana was. And I wanted to do what she wanted to do.
Weird, I know.
I could see Santana's eyes flickering between me and the television out of the corner of my vision now and again. Every time she looked at me was longer than the last.
I knew it was only a matter of time before she would break the comfortable silence.
"It's weird actually, how people always have the urge to eat popcorn when watching movies. You know, it actually started during the Great Depression. Going to the movies was a fun thing they did to get away and popcorn is practically free to make. So they made a lot of money, selling it as a snack at the movies. And now it's an association that people have in their minds. Kind of like how people always feel the need to have french fries with burgers or how people only cook a full turkey for Thanksgiving and Christmas."
There it was.
I kept my eyes on the television as she rambled away, but a smile crept onto my face.
Santana apologized, noticing my smile.
"You're cute when you word vomit."
Santana's embarrassment turned into a sweet smile as she turned back to the television. My reassurance seemed to put her at ease.
The movie continued to play, and I was getting less and less absorbed into it than I already was. My attention span was pretty terrible, but pairing that with si-fi.. That was not something to be desired.
I got less interested in the movie and more interested in Santana.
She looked a lot different with her hair down, like it was then. She looked softer, and it left a delicate shadow on her face. Feiminine, but not like she was trying too hard like most of the other girls at school.
I wasn't sure how long I had been staring for, but Santana didn't seem to notice me.
That made me want her to notice me.
Turning my unfocused eyes back to the television, I shifted closer to Santana. Our thighs nestled against one another and I could feel the heat move from her body to mine.
With the way Santana jumped ever so slightly, I knew she was suddenly hyper focusing on our touch. I could feel how her eyes darted from the movie to our touching legs, almost in a panic.
"Are you… um.. are you understanding the movie?"
"I lost focus about thirty minutes ago," I replied, matter of fact, "but you look pretty with your hair down. You should wear it like that more often,"
As I spoke, I turned back towards the smaller girl, lightly touching Santana's falling locks with my fingers to brush them back behind her ear. Her face blushed from cheek to cheek.
"Oh….. thank you,"
Santana sounded unsure. She was either not used to compliments or found it weird that I was complimenting her. Or probably both.
There was a silence between us, which meant that there was only a matter of time before Santana would have to fill it.
"Do you not like the movie? I can turn on something else if you want. Or we can do something else? … Not everyone likes Star Wars. There's actually some movies that come before this one. Three, actually. But you don't need to see them to understand this one… but still…"
"Nah, I like action or whatever. You just distracted me."
I knew that took Santana aback a little.
I wanted to be a little more honest with her and myself, even though I wasn't ready to admit much of anything just yet.
"Oh… how did I distract you? Was I quoting it out loud again? I do that…"
"You should stop worrying too much," I replied, "I'm just not used to having someone over like this. It's… nice,"
It was kind of a lie. I'd had people over for movie nights before. Puck, Joe and Sugar, too. We would usually watch something and smoke a little. But that didn't feel at all like it felt with Santana. This was different, and I liked it. I felt at ease.
"Okay… I just want to do whatever you want to do,"
Such a people pleaser.
"You want to watch the movie. So we are watching the movie," I nodded, placing my hand down onto Santana's think before turning my attention back to the television.
The hand on the thigh was supposed to come across as a sincere gesture, like it would have if I did it to anyone else, but my hand was burning. I was thinking too much about it.
Santana's eyes stared down at the touch with overwhelming intensity, and I knew that she was overthinking it too.
I pried my hand back into my own lap, intensely staring at the television but not absorbing any of it.
Santana's breath audibly caught in her throat, and her thigh leaned against mine as though she was internally screaming 'put your hand back, please,'
I wasn't expecting her to have any kind of courage to make a move of any sorts, but it wasn't the first time I underestimated the bookworm.
Slowly but with confident purpose, Santana's head fell to be shoulder and nestled comfortable into me. After a second or two, my instinct took over as my head fell against the top of hers.
Cuddling again, I guess.
"That's the Darth Vader dude," I stayed when he appeared on screen. A had a smile on my face just for recognizing something I had seen on Facebook once.
I reached out my little finger to brush against the fabric of Santana's jeans.
"Yes! The actor Prowse, the one who is his body, he was banned from attending official Star Wars fan conventions." She stated. "The director, George Lucas, never gave a reason except that he burnt too many bridges between them."
I smiled, and Santana relaxed after a few seconds when she realized that her ramble went down well.
There followed a silent ten minutes or so, my pinky finger grazing Santana's thigh gently.
It seemed all of a sudden, when Santana's body twisted into mine, and her arm draped over my stomach. It was uncomfortable for me, with my arm trapped between my body and Santana's. (At least it's was my good arm.) i shifted slightly to snake my arm around Santana's waist and pulled her closer into me.
Santana hummed gentle as she snuggled in closer, and I knew she liked it too.
"I have no idea what's going on in the movie.." I finally admitted.
"I don't think we are going to be watching the other Star Wars movies," Santana giggled.
"I'm too dumb for this,"
"You're not. Your smart. Just, not everyone likes science fiction,"
Smart wasn't something people usually called me, at all.
"I like this," I admitted after a while, "sitting like this. It makes me feel… nice,"
"I know, and I'm always right,"
Santana peeked up at me, a teasing smile on her face.
"Whatever," I scoffed with a smile,
When the movie finally finished, there wasn't too much deliberation before Avengers was starting to play next. Santana seemed happy that I had at least seen that one before. I didn't mention that I had only seen it because I went with Puck back when he was kind of trying to date me.
Things between Santana and I were good now. We were back to cuddling on my bed.
But I did feel bad that I had lied earlier that day.
Sugar had asked if I wanted to go over to her place with the rest of the group, but I said that I had to go back to the doctor for my arm. It came across as a blatant lie, as she knew how much I didn't like to take care of my own well-being. But if she knew that I was lying, she didn't let on that she did.
I just knew that I couldn't tell her about Santana.
"I lied about you being here to my friends, today,"
I had to admit it, if I was going to get anywhere with Santana's trust.
"Oh… well, that's okay. You're you, and I'm me. We're not really supposed to hang out,"
Her voice was a little sad.
"I guess so. But it's not just that. There's other stuff too…" I trailed off.
I wasn't sure where I was going with that.
"It's okay, Brittany. You don't have to explain anything. I'm glad we can be friends. Even if it's secretly,"
She was just too damn nice.
"If it's anything.. I like that you're you,"
And I did. Being a bitch 24/7 was miserable and kind of draining. Santana was the one good thing that I had. She was honest and sweet.. and I certainly didn't deserve her.
"Is your hand feeling okay?" Santana asked when the movie started to get involved, reaching over my body to touch the cast, "Did you take your medicine,"
I couldn't help but smirk a little.
"My hand feels okay.."
"Brittany! Take your medicine!"
She sounded stern and a little irritated with me, but it was fucking adorable.
I grumbled, reaching over for the pill bottle on my bed side table and popped a tablet into my mouth and swallowed it dry.
"Yes. You're such a baby,"
Santana giggled, snuggling back into my side as we watched the movie.
My eyelids became heavy after a while, and I cursed myself for giving in and taking the medicine. I wanted to have my time with Santana. At least that stopped me from overthinking when I was alone.
"Are you asleep?"
Santana's quiet voice pulled me from slipping away.
She could probably feel my body getting heavier against her. The pain from my arm had been keeping me awake at night, so I really was tired.
"Come on. Lay down,"
Santana was being a little demanding, but I kind of liked it.
I watched as Santana moved to lay down and followed suit, feeling myself sink into the pillows. I barely had a second to get comfortable before Santana grabbed me, and pulled me into her so that my head was into her shoulder, her arm wrapped around me.
She certainly felt more comfortable with me.
I let my eyes completely close. Santana's hand moved to cover my ear, so the sounds of the movie were muffled and replaced with the faint sound of her heart beating.
I suddenly felt so warm and exhausted.
"You're cute when you're all drugged up,"
Her voice was slightly muffled, but I heard it just fine.
"You think I'm cute all tha' time," I slurred back.
My body was heavy, and Santana's embrace was so warm and soft. I barely felt as though I was living in my own shell anymore.
"Very true. You're very cute,"
I hummed in response. If I were more in control of myself, I would probably have something to say about that. Nothing I did was cute. At least, not to anyone else.
"Shh," Santana cooed, "Go to sleep,"
Never in a million years did I ever think that I would fall asleep like this, cuddled in someone's arms. I wasn't a romantic, nor was I touchy…. or even a people person at all. But here I was, with a girl I was pretty sure, at this point, that I had feelings for.
Fighting it was getting pointless, because I wasn't staying away from Santana. If I really wanted it all to stop, then I would have just punched her and never spoken to her again. I wanted her, and I wanted her to like me. I wanted her to forgive me and care for me like no one else did.
My consciousness began to dissolve and I fell into a vivid sleep.
But I could have sworn I felt Santana's soft lips against my forehead as I slipped away.