A/N: Sorry about the cliffhanger last time.. But I just want to say how stoked I am that people are still reading and interested in this story! I love you all so much, and I really appreciate all your kind words and encouragement on being back, and that you still like my writing even if I am a little rusty. You all rock!
Chapter 11: Iris
The should-be quiet noises around me pierced my head like an ice pick, my body waking up as my head pounded in my ears. The loud groan that emanated from my body was bellowing, the pain that registered was something that could have only meant that I mixed weed and alcohol the night before.. And not in the good way.
"What the fuck…?" I grumbled, rolling over to bury my face in the pillow to shut out the sunlight that threatened to sting my fragile, stinging eyes.
"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,"
Hearing the mumbling beside me on the bed, paired with a dip in the mattress, I finally etched my eyes open. Through the fierce, flooding light, I could see the silhouette of a small girl rushing around the bedroom.
"Lil' One?" I questioned, the silence only confirming to me who the other girl could be. After all, if it were anyone else, I probably would have felt as though I wanted to scratch off their skin by now.
"Ugh it hurts so bad.." I growled, rolling over onto my back and throwing an arm over my face in an effort to weed out the blinding brightness of the room. I couldn't remember what the hell had happened the night before. Especially not through the pain With another groan, I let my free hand drift to my swirling stomach, unsurprised to find that it was bare to the touch. I did wake up partially naked more often than not.
"..I lost my clothes."
"Brittany!" The shriek stabbed through my poor brain like a lobotomy.
"Brittany.. What the.. What the heck happened?"
If I wasn't in so much unconceivable pain, I would have found it amusing that Santana almost cursed.
"Lopez, fuck.. Stop with all the God damn shouting," I groaned, removing my arm from my eyes to hold hands over my ears. It wasn't very effective, but at least it looked like I was trying to block Santana out. Maybe that way, she would get the hint that I was practically dying.
"I.. Brittany? Did we-… Oh my gosh.."
I felt the bed dip next to me, and I didn't need to open my eyes to know that Santana had finally stopped banging around and pacing to sit back down on the matrass. The bounce and softness of it could have only meant that we did, indeed, make it to the spare room at Sugar's house that was promised to me. I had slept in it more times than I could probably remember clearly.
I probably should have been offended that Santana instantly thought that she and I had fucked the night before. I wasn't gay, so I don't know where she would have gotten that from. That, and I wasn't the kind of asshole to take her virginity in a drunken lay. That would have been as fun as sandpapering my eyelids off. Sue me for it, but I liked experience.
"What the hell.." I mumbled, rolling over onto my stomach and finally letting my eyes set on Santana.
At first, I was a little surprised to see that she was in nothing but her underwear. I had to admit, underneath all those baggy clothes and ugly fabrics, she actually had a pretty decent body. Her skin was a perfect complexion of caramel, and her arms and stomach were toned wonderfully. She almost looked like she worked out, if the image of Santana on an exercise machine wasn't too ridiculous to think about.
"I wouldn't have done that. I ain't that much of an ass," I finished, burying the lower half of my face against my arm. I felt awful, and I sure as hell probably looked it, too. It wasn't like I cared that much if I looked like garbage. It was only Santana. I didn't need to impress her or anything. Besides, she was obviously having her own little freak out.
I watched as Santana let out a low, shaking breath, letting her hands fall down into her lap. She looked concerned – quite obviously so. But she didn't look as though she was going to have one of her panic attacks. I was glad of that. I was in no fit state to be at all helpful when it came to getting her out of it. I felt awful.
I stayed silent as I watched her stand up and search for her dress from the night before. She found it, draped across the floor at the foot of the bed. She quickly moved to pull it back onto her body and my eyes flickered to her unblemished skin as she moved and stretched. It was certainly a little less disgusting to think that I slept next to that last night, in place of Puck's hairy and sweat ridden physique.
"I'm sorry," Santana finally broke the silence when she had redressed, her chin tilted down in submission.
"I won," I replied with the smallest attempt of a smile against my arm. Santana's head cocked to the side as she looked back at me, obviously not following me at all. "You said sorry for 'nout. I get my reward,"
"Oh I-.. Um.. What do you want?" Santana asked quietly, kicking her toe against the carpet as she awkwardly stood away from the bed and my half naked, sprawled out body.
"I dunno. I'll think of summin'.." I mumbled, letting my eyes fall back to closed. For the life of me, I had no idea how Santana could have leaped out of bed as though she was bright eyed and bushy tailed. It was weird.
We fell into a half-comfortable silence, and I almost felt a though I could have fallen back to sleep. Santana, however, had other idea. The bed dipped beside me, and even with my eyes closed, I could see the gears turning over in the other girls' mind.
"Do you remember anything?" Santana asked, her voice shaking slightly, oozed with nerves. "From last night?"
"I remember dancing with you and shit.." I replied, rubbing my face to clear away some of the threatening sleepiness. I could remember the flashes of dancing, and getting Santana to swig from my bottle of liquor. She looked more carefree than I had ever seen her – actually choosing to let loose instead of being forced that way. We talked, and we laughed.. And I had gotten close enough to count the number of thick eyelashes that adorned each eye.
The softness of her lips.
"I kissed you, didn't I?"
The silence was enough to confirm that I hadn't just imagined that. In all truthfulness, I didn't really regret it.I was a drunk mess, and I had done much stupider things than kissing a girl. i didn't even like girls in that way.. But the thought that i had maybe upset Santana? That was something that sat uncomfortably on my stomach.
"I didn't like… Force you into that, did I? I'm a jerk when I drink,"
It was an honest question, and I forced my eyes wide open, turning onto my side. This little nerd had slowly become one of the people I actually found I could tolerate.. And I actually felt rather fond of her even though it used to pain me to admit it. I would have punched myself if I ruined all of that by being my usual, drunken idiotic self.
"What?" Santana perked up, her head shooting up from the comforter she was so interested in just a moment ago, to look at me. "I kissed you too… I just.. If I remember right, I think you were the one that stopped things, and put me to bed.."
I let out a dry chuckle at the thought that I was the one that somehow acted like the mature gentleman, even when I was drunk as fuck. It surely was a little different than the times I had sex in public, or got into awful drunken fights.
Unfortunately, my body didn't think it was as funny as I did, and my head gave me an almighty throb in response to my laugh. Wincing and letting out a pained whimper, I slammed my eyes shut.
"Oh Britt.. Can I get you anything?" Santana asked me, her voice soothing my head like a coating of honey. She reached out to tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear, and I couldn't stop the way I leaned into her light touch.
Honestly, I didn't really know what to think. I had experienced more than my fair share of random hookups that I couldn't even remember.. But this time, it had been with a girl. And I had been the one to stop anything more from happening. None of it made sense and the confusion just made my head ache more.
I knew I needed to take some time, sleep and think about what the hell was going on.. But the last thing I wanted was Santana to leave. She made me feel better, even if I felt like utter shit.
"Are you mad at me?" Santana's small voice dragged me back to the present.
"No. Why would I be mad at you?"
"I don't know.. I just figured you'd be more freaked out than you are."
She had a point.
"I make out with everyone. It's no big deal,"
I was brushing it off, but if it made things less awkward between us, then I would do it. I felt like death warmed up, and the last thing I wanted was to get into anything right now. I would just take it out on myself at a later time. I was too miserable to be mad at anyone right now. Even then, Santana would have been the last person to be at the receiving end of that.
"Are you going to sleep some more?"
I almost forgot about Santana's constant need to question about everything and anything.
"Maybe. I dunno,"
As soon as the words left my mouth, Santana's hand was resting delicately against my forehead. She really was a constant worrier, but it felt nice. It had been a long time since anyone had genuinely cared for me in such a way.. Not only because they didn't want to, but because I never let anyone try.
But Santana was apparently my exception for most thing.
"Are you sure you don't need me to get you anything. You look awful.. I mean! Not that you look ugly or anything.. You could never. You're burning up. And You obviously have a hangover.." Santana rambled, and I could do nothing but chuckle silently.
Even her weird mumbling made me feel better.
"I don't need anything.." I reassured, putting a little weight on my arms to push myself closer to Santana, and further against the hand on my head. It was strange, how much she calmed me down. I should probably be apprehensive about that, and second guessing myself and what was happening, but the sooner I did that.. The sooner I would realize things that I really didn't want to know.
"Just stay," I admitted, letting my eyes find Santana's as the corners of my mouth curled up into a light lipped attempt at a smile.
It was silent for a few moments, before Santana let out a lungful of air that she was holding.
"I'll stay," She nodded, letting her hand move from my heated forehead to the side of my face. Cupping my neck, her thumb gently brushed against my cheek. She started to move in the bed, opting away from sitting. She slid in neck to me, laying facing me, her hand still resting against the crook of my neck.
Though we fell into another silence, I could almost hear the business of Santana's mind. Her dark, wide eyes swirled with emotions as she looked at me. Not like my friends, or the victims of my bullying, or even Puck looked at me when I was bare and exposed in front of him. Santana really looked at me. Not just me, but everything I was away from the outside.
There was trust in her eyes, and a deep adoration that was almost too overwhelming. I didn't deserve anything even close to that. She looked at me as though I was a precious constellation that she could hold in her palms. Entire worlds, wrapped up in one individual person.
My stomach lurched, but not from the alcohol or the sickness. It lurched with the realization that maybe.. Just maybe.. Santana was that to me. She was a solid ground that I had found with years of anger, and pain, and mess. She was familiar to me, but not just because we had taken the time to get to know one another very, very slowly. But because we fit. She calmed me, and saw past all the shit I threw up to keep a wall between myself and the rest of the world. I wanted to protect her, and I wanted to have her.
Closing my eyes to break the magnetic pull between us, I let out a low, shaky breath. The warmth of Santana's ever caressing hand shot wave after wave of heat and comfort through my veins. I desired this, and for once in my life, I couldn't help but be weak.
"I know what I want.. for you breaking the bet." I finally spoke up, flickering my eyes open to search out their match. I wondered how many timed Santana's eyes had been overlooked; the vulnerability and purity I found in them, looking at me so deeply at that moment. I couldn't stop myself from shivering, struggling to make sense of any of it.
My eyes flittered down to Santana's full, supple lips and back up to her eyes, my heart hammering in my chest. I felt fragile.. And I knew I shouldn't ask. But I did.
"I want you to kiss me."
I watched Santana's eyes widen at my request and immediately regretted asking. The overwhelming feeling of dread draped by body like a rough blanket.
"Are you sure?" She asked me.
I wasn't sure. Not at all. I didn't understand why I wanted this, or what this feeling even was. I never felt powerless.. Not even for a second. I buried herself under her my thick skin as to never feel anything. Feelings could ruin you.. I wasn't used to it.
Hell, I didn't even know what it was.
I nodded slowly, and Santana's fingers twitched where they sat against my cheek. Dark eyes lowered to my lips, and I couldn't help but dip out my tongue to wet them in anticipation. Santana wanted this as much as I did, and confidence seemed to flood slowly back through me with the reassurance of that fact.
My arm snaked across the bed, gently and ever so slowly reaching out to take Santana's small waist. I pulled her closer to me, craving to hold her closer, as though she would keep me calm as my chest tightened and squeezed with a feeling I didn't know how to process.
The smaller the gap between us became, the more I knew that I wanted this. My blunt nails dug into Santana's side, earning myself a sweet little gasp. I felt the breath hit my lips as I pulled us flush, chin tilting as I captured sweet lips with my own.
A/N: Getting back into this and it makes me so happy!