So yeah... it's been about 5 months since I posted... and I'm just glad I still have readers. I'm such a horrible updater. Just my personal life is kind of a mess right now cause of work stuff but hopefully in the next few months that will get better and I'll have more motivation and time to write. So I really hope you enjoy this new chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it. It's so weird to see how this story is shaping up because it is going in a hugely different direction then when I first started it a few years ago.
I know I confused a lot of people in the last chapter... it was meant to be that way I just didn't mean to leave you hanging for so long. Also this chapter has gone a lot darker than the last few chapter especially the first 5 or so... so I hope you guys will like it.
Without further delay... chapter seven...
Just A Normal World
When I heard the door open I assumed Doctor Heston was back to question my sanity some more but when I looked over I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The woman standing in the door way was someone I never thought I would see again. My mother, the woman who abandoned me at the age of nine, was now standing in the door way staring at me with tears in her eyes. I wasn't sure what to do in this situation. Normal social situations usually confused me and I was certain that this didn't fall under the normal category.
"Mom?" I asked more than stated.
"Oh sweetie... are you okay? Doctor Heston called me and told me you were finally awake." She said as she hurried over to the bed. "How's your head?"
"My head?" I asked.
One of my mother's hands came to brush my hair from my forehead gently. As she did so I felt a small spark of pain and I raised my own hand to feel my forehead. The whole right side of it was bandaged and now that I had finally took notice to my injury I could feel the pain that I had been ignoring in my panic state. I groaned as my head started pounding. I felt like my skull was split into two pieces.
"Oh sweetie, it's going to be okay. Doctor Heston is certain that this was a one time episode, just a minor set back, and you'll be back on your treatment before you know it." My mother told me as she smoothed down a few more pieces of my hair.
I didn't say anything. I couldn't even think of anything to say to her. I mean this woman abandoned me and even before that after my dad had died she wasn't much of a mother. She seemed to like her step-children more than she liked her actual child. They were normal and she craved normal. But now here she was perching on the edge of my bed fussing over my well-being. I wasn't sure what was happening or how to feel about it. According to Doctor Heston everything I thought to be true for the past eight years... was a delusion? No, that couldn't be right. I refused to believe that. Abraham, Hellboy, The Professor, and everyone else at The Bureau were real. They had to be.
"Abigail, are you listening to me?" My mother's voice finally registered in my over worked mind.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I asked as I tried to focus on her for now. I would think about the other stuff later.
"I was just asking if you were hungry. I could run out and get you something special if you want." She told me. I just shook my head no. Food was the last thing I was worried about. "Are you sure? You're so skinny. You could stand to put some meat on you." My mother fussed over me as she picked up one of my boney arms. Looking down at them I noticed they were bruised from the wrists up just like when I was a little girl. I had stopped pinching myself once going with The Professor but the people here are saying that it didn't happen so I guess I didn't ever stop. I let out a groan as the pain in my head started to increase; my whole head felt like someone dropped a concrete block on it.
"Maybe I should just let you get some rest." My mother said. She gently patted the top of my head and kissed my cheek. "I'll come back and check on you tomorrow." She promised before she left me to my own thoughts.
I don't know how long I laid there going over everything that I could remember. I remember bits and pieces of things that I thought had happened recently... at the top of the list was getting eaten by a monster, waking up in the Medical Wing of The Bureau and yelling at Abraham, and most recently waking up here and them telling me that it was all in my head. What had really happened to me? Was this some weird after life that The Bible didn't mention... if so I'm highly disappointed and wanted a do over.
At some point I'm must have worked my brain in to exhaustion. When I came back in to consciousness I laid there with my eyes closed for several minutes. I was afraid to open them. I knew I was in a bed but I wasn't sure which one... was I still at the hospital or was I home?
Taking a deep breath I opened my eyes. The first thing they landed on was the window that over looked the garden of wild flowers. I groaned... I just wanted to be home.
No one seemed to be around. The hallways outside my room were quite. Looking at the clock on the right side of my bed I found that it was very early in the morning just two minutes past four. Tired of laying here and wanting answers I got to work on removing the things that were attached to me. I was surprised when no alarm or beeping began and prayed that my luck, however little I had, would stay with me. I shoved my feet into the sleepers that were underneath my bed and also pulled on a blue cardigan that was laid out at the end of my bed. I wasn't sure where I was going but anything was better than this room.
Walking over to the door I peeked my head out to glance both ways down the hall. Seeing it was empty I stepped out of my room. Looking at the arrowed signs on the wall I decided to go left which said it went to patients rooms, activity room, and the cafeteria. The right said it led to the nurses station and I wish to avoid that like the plague. Luckily, sneaking around with Hellboy made me very light on my feet. If I could sneak around The Bureau undetected then this hospital should be a piece of cake.
I passed by several closed door ways that I took to be patients rooms until I reached the activity room. It was a large room with painful white walls and gray carpet. Eight round tables were spread throughout the room and five blue plastic chairs were at every table. In the far left corner of the room stood a set of shelves each with a printed label with a name underneath them. When I found mine I hesitated before pulling out the large, over flowing binder that was there. I brought it over to the closest table and sat down with it in front of me. Taking a deep breath I opened it.
Hundreds of drawings all stacked neatly on top of each other greeted me. The first few I looked at I recognized and remembered drawing when I was around eight or nine years old. However the further I went into the stack the less I remembered drawing. I recognized a lot of the faces in the drawings but I didn't remember actually drawing them. I found a lot of pictures of Liz, Hellboy, Professor Broom, and Abraham but I didn't remember doing them. I knew I had to be the one to do it. It was my work but staring back at the faces of my friends and not understanding why they weren't here just made me feel hopeless.
I sat there for a long time just in a daze. My situation was a confusing one. I didn't want this to be real. I didn't want this life. I wanted my life at The Bureau where I was a somebody. Where I had friends and a family that truly cared for me. I wanted to help people in the most extraordinary way.
I finally forced myself to close the binder and place it gently back where I got it from. Not seeing anything else of interest in the room I made my exit. The halls were still empty but I still made sure to make as little of noise as possible just to be safe. The cafeteria was boring. Just a bunch of long tables placed horizontally in rows with more blue plastic chairs. I continued down the hall and read the signs as I went. After making a few more random turns something finally caught my eye. The door was labeled simply Patient Files. Looking around me to make sure I was definitely alone I dashed over to it. I wasn't surprised to find that the door was locked but that wouldn't stop me. I felt around the tangled mess that was my hair and found a bobby pin. Pulling it from my hair I got to work. I sent a silent thank you to Hellboy for teaching me the art of lock picking at the age of twelve.
I smiled a real smile for the first time since waking up in this hospital when I heard the lock click open. I slowly opened the door to make sure it wouldn't creak before stepping inside the room and softly closed the door. I felt around the door for a light switch and clicked it on when my fingers skimmed over it. The room was small and full of file cabinets. Each drawer was labeled with a letter of the alphabet. I made my way over to the last file cabinet and pulled the drawer out the was labeled 'U-Z'. About half a dozen yellow file folders greeted me each with a name printed on the label. It didn't take but a second to find the one labeled 'Abigail Vincent'. My hands shook as I stared at the front of the yellow file folder. I wasn't sure what I expected to find inside and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know. But I needed some kind of answers like it or not and this folder was the best thing I've found so far. So taking a deep breath I gathered my courage and opened it.
The first thing that greeted me was a picture of my younger self. The photo was taken when my mother first admitted me into the first hospital when I was nine. The best way to describe young me was exhausted. Dark circles were around my blood shoot eyes that looked more haunted then a nine year old's eyes should ever be. Pictures of my arms full of bruises were also included and written underneath the photo was just two words: self inflected.
Taking another deep breath and releasing it slowly I continued through the folder. The first few pages were from when I was young; the part of my life I remember before Professor Broom. I wasn't interested in that. I wanted to know what happened after that. Finally I got to where my mom transferred me supposedly to this hospital. I noticed that the date was the same day I met Professor Broom; that seemingly random Tuesday that changed my life for the better.
I made myself more comfortable on the floor as I began to read Doctor Heston's notes on me. He already told me what he was treating me for but no one had said what this treatment actually was. I read the notes he had made of my 'delusions'. How my best friend was an imaginary merman and how I spoke of the red demon often. I apparently had adopted my old ways of not talking to doctors for the first year or so that I was here. The only way they knew anything about what was going on in my head was by studying my many drawings that I drew daily. Then when I was thirteen he noted that he finally started to get me to talk to him. After I started talking he started changing my medications. One that caught my eye was an experimental drug that I started taking about six months ago. It was to suppress dreams and to help regulate sleep patterns. I knew immediately that this was the treatment that everyone kept talking about.
Just when I was getting ready to put the folder back I heard footsteps coming down the once silent hallway. Thinking fast I dashed over to the light switch and turned them back off again. As I slid slowly down the wall next to the door I turned the lock back on the door and then I waited.
I could make out two sets of footsteps and as they came closer I stayed as silent as possible and strained my ears to listen.
"What do you mean she wasn't in her room?" One voice asked. It was a mans voice and I assumed that it was Doctor Heston.
"Exactly that. I went to bring her breakfast and her morning medications and she wasn't there." A woman's voice answered him. My stomach twisted with dread when I realized they were talking about me. The small file room didn't have a clock so I had no idea how long I had been gone. Apparently it was long enough to be noticed.
"Well, she couldn't have gotten far. We need to find her. She's unstable and thinks her dreams are real. She's already took one fall down a flight of stairs I don't want her to get seriously injured again. She's not even fully healed yet. She's a danger to not only herself but to others. She is not thinking clearly. She doesn't know what reals and whats not right now." He explained to the nurse. "We have to find her especially before her mothers gets here. She will sue us if another accident is caused on our watch."
"We will. I have nurses on every floor looking for her. We'll find her." The nurse reassured him. I waited with baited breathe as their footsteps went past the door and thankfully continued down the hallway.
I could feel the tears rolling down my face but I did nothing to stop them. Everything was so confusing... I just wanted to be home. Did I even have a home? Was I really just delusional? I came in here to find answers but I wasn't sure if I wanted them now that I had found them. I wiped my my face with the back of my hands and slowly stood up. I unlocked the door and opened the door slowly. I stuck my head out and looked up and down the hallway before locking and closing the door behind me as I stepped out into the hallway.
I slowly made my way back through the maze of hallways and stopped as I reached the familiar activity room. It was still empty and I made my way over to the same chair that I set in just a few hours ago. The clock on the wall let me know it was twenty minutes after eight in the morning. With a low groan I rested my head on top of the table. The table was cold and I could feel it even through the bandage on my forehead. My head was pounding but the coolness seemed to help just a little bit. I closed my eyes and tried to sort through everything that I had learned. But I couldn't accept this as my life. I refused to accept this as my reality.
I jumped and hit my forehead on the table when I felt a hand rest of my left shoulder. I didn't remember falling asleep but at some point I apparently did.
"Abigail, sweetie, we've been looking everywhere for you." A soft voice spoke next to me.
I groaned as I lifted my head up. My neck was stiff from laying on the table and my head hurt even more now. I felt like my skull was slowly being sliced open with a circular saw.
"You had everyone so worried when we saw you weren't in your room." The lady continued. "Why did you leave your room?"
"I- I couldn't sleep. I woke up early this morning and... and couldn't go back to sleep. So I just walked around for a bit to... clear my head some." I told her. I had a hard time concentrating over the pain but thankfully she didn't seem like she was going to question me any further. Mostly she just seemed relieved that I was still in one piece.
"Well, I'm glad I found you. Let's get you back to your room. You shouldn't be up and moving so much after your accident." The lady told me. She gently gripped me around my upper arm to help me from the table. I wasn't sure if she thought that my condition was so bad that I couldn't do it alone or she was afraid I would disappear again if she wasn't holding on to me but either way I allowed it.
It didn't take long for the nurse to get me back into my room and into bed. She left me with my breakfast after staring at me for a long time and hesitating briefly in the doorway. I knew I was going to be watched much more closely now. I let out a sigh of frustration and glared at the tiny rolling table beside me that held my breakfast. I wasn't hungry and just thinking about the food on the table made me nauseated.
"Abigail, honey, are you awake?"
I was still glaring at my breakfast and very much awake when I heard my mother's voice come from the doorway.
"Yeah, I'm awake," I told with a sigh. I think I preferred it if I was asleep.
I watched her finally walk into my room and then move over to my bedside. She first examined me then looked to my untouched tray of food. She gave me a look that lingered somewhere between sadness, pity, and frustration. A look I remember not to fondly from my childhood.
"Are you not going to eat breakfast?" She questioned.
"I'm not hungry." I mumbled out.
"You didn't eat dinner last night either," She pointed out to me. "I can go get you something else if you want." She offered. I just shook my head no. I heard her sigh. "Abigail, you have to eat something."
"Why? I'm not hungry." I told her in annoyance. I just wanted to be left alone.
"Don't do this. You were doing so good with your treatment. You were getting better. Don't you want to be better? You're eighteen Abigail. Don't you want to go home... maybe even go away to school? You're so smart and so talented. You could do a lot with your life if you just let these fantasies of yours go and do as your doctor tells you." She told me.
I could feel my finger nails biting into my skin the longer she talked. She didn't understand me. She never did. She was the same woman from my childhood. She didn't want me the way I was... she wanted me to fit into her vision of a perfect family.
"They're not fantasies!" I all but screamed at her. "They're real. I know they are!" I just wanted someone to believe me. I wanted to be back home with my real family.
She sighed with a deep frown on her beautiful face. "Doctor Heston is starting your treatment back again today and you will do this. You were finally showing improvement." She told me. She stepped closer to me a pushed a piece of hair behind my ear. I stared at her with hatred. "I just want us to be a family again. I know you had it hard after we lost your dad but you can't keep this up. You need to get better and come home."
"Why? So you can ignore me again? Or so my step-brother and sister can't make fun of me and call me a freak... or so Lance can stare at me in disgust because at the age of nine I could out smart him? That place was never my home." I told her.
"Abigail..." She sighed again seemingly lost for words. There was an awkward silence that I wasn't eager to break. "Abigail, just try to eat something. I'll be back later today.. okay?"
I nodded and then she was gone. Finally... I was alone with only my own thoughts for company.
As I set in the silence of my own room I thought of everything I read in my file. I was worried. As much as I hated to admit I was scared that this really was my reality. I didn't want everything I knew the past few years to be nothing. I needed them in my life.
A laid there staring up at the ceiling in content silence for hours. My breakfast long forgotten and untouched. I could feel my eyes sagging as I fought off the sleepiness.
"Her heart beat is still irregular."
"We have to try something."
"I won't let her die!"
"She has to wake up... I don't know what to do without her."
I jerked up in my bed. My breath was coming out in short bursts like I had just ran several miles and I looked around my room anxiously. I felt like I wasn't alone. Those voice were like whispers in my ears that I could just make out. I stilled my breathing and listened closely but nothing was there; all was silent. After a few minutes of this I fell back onto my pillow in defeat.
I was bored and very tired of the white walls of my room and I hated the window that showed the stupid wild flowers outside. Doctor Heston had came to check up on me around lunch time. I felt like a child all over again. He stared at me like I was a science project then had a nurse bring in my first dosage of my medication. I stared at the little orange pill with distaste. They gave me no choice but to take it.
The rest of my day passed by in a blur. The nurses would bring me my meals but I refused to eat anything off my tray for lunch and then when dinner was served with the disapproving look of my wonderful mother I ate only my cup of Blue Raspberry Jello and left the rest for someone to pick up later. The only thing that brought me joy was making my mother frustrated to the point where she would get mad and leave me alone with the promise of stopping by tomorrow.
The next few days went pretty much the same. Wake up, take medication, eat a small bit of breakfast, zone out until someone brings me lunch, ignore said lunch, draw until someone brings dinner, eat the dessert and pick at the rest of it while ignoring my mother until she leaves in a huff, and then take more medication and stare at the ceiling and pray that I wake up at The Bureau before falling into a dreamless sleep. Then I would wake up to repeat the same routine.
After a week of this I couldn't take it anymore. The medication was working and that terrified me. I had never went this long without a vision of some kind and I hadn't heard any more whispers. I always thought I would love to not have visions but I missed them. They were a part of me. They made me who I was and I didn't feel like myself without them.
It was late one night, just a few minutes past two in the morning and I couldn't sleep. It just felt wrong not to dream. I silently got out of bed and made my way to my doorway. Looking out the doorway to make sure the coast was clear I finally stepped out and made my way down the hallway. I found myself once again in the activity room staring at the drawings of my supposedly made up friends. I wasn't sure what I believed anymore but as I stared down at Abraham's face with his large oval eyes that were always so kind and approachable I knew that I didn't want to be in a world where he, Hellboy, and Professor Broom didn't exist. And with that I knew what I had to do.
A few hours later, after a short trip to the locked supply closet, I was back in my room without accident. As far as I could tell no one had noticed my absence this time. The rest of the day passed by in its usual blur. I did what the nurses and Doctor Heston told me. I ate all three of my meals without complaint and took my medications without hesitation. When my mother came for her daily visit I set still as she put my hair in a french braid as she told me all about her day. It was the first time in a week that she left in a good mood. Then finally it was night time. The nurses had just finished their rounds and wouldn't be back for several hours. Without a moment of hesitation I silently got out of bed and headed to the small bathroom connected to my room. The door didn't have a lock on it so I just closed it as quietly as possible.
I stared at the girl in the mirror for a long time willing myself to have a vision or something. Anything at this point to just prove that this wasn't really my life... but after a half an hour and nothing I sighed in disappointment.
Taking a deep breath and then releasing it I pulled out a razor blade from one of my pockets of my cardigan. It was one of the few things that I could find in the supply closet that would do the job.
I closed my eyes after positioning the blade against my wrist. 'Lord, I'm sorry for what I'm about to do but I can't live like this. Please forgive me.' I opened my eyes and ran the blade over my pale flesh. I watched in fascination as the blood leaked out of the cut before switching the blade into my other hand and doing the other wrist. I watched to blood flow and ignored the pain. I made way onto the cold tile as the blood flowed onto my pajama bottoms and onto the floor. I made another two cuts, one down each of my arms before putting the blade down beside me. I closed my eyes and let my head rest on the wall behind me and waited.
I wasn't sure what awaited for me in the after life but it had to be better than what I was currently living; maybe I could even see my father again.
"Abigail, I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to do. I'm running out of ideas." A voice whispered to me. "You have to do this on your own. You have to wake up. I need you here. We- we all need you here. Please fight this. You're stronger than you think you are. You can do this... I know you can."
The voice was so nice and soothing. The longer they talked the louder and clearer the voice seemed to get. This was the end. I was dying for real this time. There were no monsters, no Hellboy to save me and I didn't want to be saved. I couldn't live like this. I refused to and I accepted it. I welcomed death with open arms.
Just as suddenly as I could spot a bright light and hope filled me that it was finally over and I could hear whispers of encouragement was I jolted back into darkness and then my body felt like it was on fire. For a brief moment I thought maybe I was still dead and instead of making it to Heaven I was burning in Hell... but no my ears picked up a sound I knew very well; the hysterical yelling of my wonderful mother.
So... I hope you guys enjoyed it. Please leave your reviews letting me know what you think... And your theories about what YOU think is really happening with Abigail. I promised I will try to get chapter 8 out more quickly... So until next time - Adelene.