Sanctuary @michichi69

"To go into acting is like asking for admission to an insane asylum. Anyone may apply, but only the certifiably insane are admitted."

Michael Shurtleff

"Ah, it's the rotten bitch again," Lovino groaned. "What will it be this time?" He didn't bother to show much care for her presence. Continuing to listen to the radio. It was the only thing he ever did and was not common practice. But somehow, he had managed to cough up that freedom from Elizabeta, another show of her weakness to a wink and a smile.

"For someone who holds their womanizing to a high standard you sure do love to contradict yourself." He sneered at her.

"You know, for someone with such a vast bosom, you're not a woman, you're a dog. No, worse. You're a vile creature. Just because that doesn't stir anything doesn't mean I'm a nutcase."

"That wasn't what I was insinuating," She frowned. "Your lack of self-control around the common sex is not the problem here. It seems like your patient file has omitted some information." He sat up.

"What is it?" He furrowed his brows. She showed him the file in her hands, his file. When she opened it, he watched on.

"It seems like you managed to let it slip that there was no next of kin, no family at all. Yet we've come across a Feliciano Vargas at the facility. Or, well, he seems to of come across us. Amazing how strikingly similar you two look." That set him off, throwing himself out of bed and approaching her before he held out a hand to stop him. He had enough control to stop – Probably knowing the consequences would be much worse for him than they would be for her.

"What the hell have you done with him?" She closed the file.

"He admitted himself. I'd like to know why." He shook his head.

"I don't know anything about it," He said earnestly, crossing his arms. Even if he tried to hide it, she could see the worry on his face clear as day. "Why did he say he was here?"

"Satyriasis. The closest you can get to nymphomania in a man – Still just as perverse," Lovino seemed stunned before for he broke into a laugh. "What is it?" She asked, unamused.

"Nymphomania and Feliciano, if you knew him, it would be ridiculous to you too," He shook his head. "No, he comes from a long line of perverts but there's no chance in flaming hell that he's got such a condition."

"He made a sexually charged attack on me in the foyer. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not laughing at such a statement." But that didn't mean she didn't believe Lovino – He was right. Feliciano didn't have such a condition. She knew that well enough.

"Jesus Christ, his standards have dropped beyond sexual perversion if he found you appealing. I didn't expect him to fall to bestiality," He scoffed with a vindictive smile. "Now that is what I call brain damage." Ignoring the dig at her, she moved away from the door, walking towards the radio. It was an expense on the facility – One they couldn't afford. Elizabeta had stretched the budget for it and she couldn't find any logical reason as to why. Pure emotion. It was what some people were fuelled by, to her, they had all lost any sense of their minds. The human condition, she theorized, was a naturally weak and malleable thing that with pressure however extreme it could be, can be changed.

"I don't find his acting believable in the slightest. I don't care for attraction from his likes anyway…" She places a finger on top of the radio, feeling the dust that had accumulated. "But he will not be leaving here soon."

"And why the fuck would you do that? This is nothing short of imprisonment – No, it's worse than that. It's torture." She shook her head.

"It's treatment. You haven't given in to your urges as long as you've been here. We've become confident with your presence around Antonio during sessions. I'm sure you would regret making a mistake that could cost you that as well," Lovino's lips drew taut, the frustration mounting on his face. "Besides, Feliciano is a security threat until I know his reasoning. No sane man would continue to stay here even with the threat of castration so perhaps his stay here is fitting."

"No, he's not insane - Just stupid. Always has been," Lovino sighed. "What do you want?"

"I want you to avoid him. I want you to do little to acknowledge his existence when you see him, which you will. He'll receive whatever punishment fit for disrupting your treatment." She watched as he uncrossed his arms, defeat in his body language.

"And what will his be?"

"That's for and the head nurse to decide. Although, I would stress whatever means necessary to ease his wandering thoughts." Lovino knew what that meant. He'd know exactly what any means necessary meant.

"Fine. It'd be no difference to me, anyway, not like I'm encouraged to interact with anyone." Monika shook her head.

"You're encouraged to interact with women in a healthy manner." She pointed out.

"Yes, because that's so easy to do with a straight face," He smirked. "Women like me. I just don't like them. I don't treat them badly – Especially since you're not a woman yourself, whatever I do to you doesn't count in my record."

"You can mock me, but I know you're scared of what could happen to Feliciano. I think you aren't telling me the full story here," She looked out the window for a moment. "Not that it matters, you have no control here anyway."

"Neither do you. You're not head nurse." This caused her to feel a distinct annoyance with him. Wanting to leave, she turned back around and went to take her leave.

"No, but I think you'd understand titles are symbolic." She said tersely.

"Oh, I see. So, if the head nurse were to suddenly fall ill in some way, I would know it was just symbolic to you if, let's say, you were given her title," He snickered. "You give more of shit about that title than Elizabeta ever would. It still wouldn't make the difference – You're still a small woman and I'll still die on my hill. Now piss off." He sat down in his stubborn thoughts.

She'd heard well advice that to give the last word was nothing short of pettiness, and pettiness she understood wasn't true victory. So, she followed it and left the room promptly but not without a twitch of her lips into aggravation. She'd pick her battles and pick them well but that didn't mean that the small ones didn't hit her sense of control any less. In one way or another, Lovino would have to answer for his poor behavior – His chaotic conduct that had made her job so difficult to maintain with elegance.

Elizabeta guided Feliciano into the head office, the poor thing seemed nervous to enter and he had only had three hours sleep before what little time had was freed up. But it had to be done and the best she could do was be kind. She was just glad it wasn't Monika in her position because while she was good at what she did, she could be a hard woman. Her face was etched harshly with a constant displeased expression and she did little to accommodate anything into her rigid schedules and rules. It made her wonder why she chose such a profession if her bedside manner was so bad but she knew that it was necessary for smooth running – Elizabeta often found herself impressed by how well she could keep control over uncontrollable situations.

This Feliciano was perhaps the only one who had made her break protocol – Taking him to his room without evaluation, she had even been frazzled by him for a brief time. The surprise on her face was something she had never seen before. Monika didn't get surprised, she had a plan for everything, she knew when something was going to happen. But this cowardly man had managed to do that to her.

"I don't like doctors," He told her. "I haven't gone to one in years." She found such a thing irresponsible; it made her wonder if this was why his condition seemed to be so terrible.

" may seem harsh but that's just how he is. I'm sure your visits with him will be simple. Just tell him what you feel." Feliciano swallowed.

"Okay – Grazie, bella." She opened the door and with a smile announced their presence to the doctor who had a cigarette hanging out his mouth.

" , you have a patient, ." He turned his attention towards the two – His face inexpressive. She put a hand on Feliciano's back, perhaps as some kind of emotional support. It was hard not to find him utterly adorable despite his condition – It brought something out in her that she didn't often get to express.

"Sit." He extended an arm towards a set of chairs before standing. Feliciano looked to Elizabeta before he walked away from her. She knew he'd be just fine but there was still a part of her that found him a peculiar patient. Good willed, seemingly sane, polite for the most part.

Familiar face too – There were whispers going around in the staffroom that he might have a relative already in the facility. Lovino Vargas, Feliciano Vargas, it only made sense. However, the relation was unclear as neither seemed to be telling anybody just how they were related. Elizabeta had been prompted by Monika to look into birth certificates to find out their parentage which was something she may just have to do.

"You know what to do, doctor. Please call security to escort after your session." She smiled. He nodded before she turned on her heels, leaving the room. It was late – Or early depending on how one looked at it. She'd worked a long day, they always did with their humbly employed facility, a nicer way to say understaffed.

As she walked down the hall, she saw a particularly tall woman that could not be mistaken for another, "Ah, Monika, going home?" It was a silly question on the surface; the exit was the other direction. However, she just wanted to know what she was still doing here.

She smiled, "No, I still have some duties to fulfill."

It took a couple of awkward beats before Elizabeta straightened up. Monika's intimidating ocean eyes staring right through her, "Well," She started breathlessly, "Don't strain yourself working so hard. There are no prizes to be won." The tense air didn't leave when she chuckled lightly, the corners of Monika's lips upturned.

"Of course, you can think that." There was something unsettling about how she said it with that kind face. As kind as Monika could be. Even when she walked right past her, she had to take a second to look behind her back just to make sure she had really left after saying that. Perhaps she had looked too far into it, but it had stunned her.

Elizabeta held her head high, ready to return home with a little more foresight in mind to continue watching her back.

"What little is written on your file tells me you displayed signs of a sexual disorder." Feliciano nodded.

"Si, I believe I've had it for a long time," He smiled, he couldn't help it. It was nice to smile. "I was in Abyssinia and had these flashes."

"Abyssinia?" Feliciano nodded.

"During the war. I try not to talk about that much though – I wasn't a good soldier."

"How so?" He rubbed his neck.

"I was discharged – desertion." He didn't elaborate. He didn't want to of course. It was probably the only thing he didn't like to overtly explain.

"Did any of these flashes align with your time spent in the war?" He thought for a moment. It was hard to keep up with the lies, so he tried to keep it simple.

"Si, yes, I believe they did."

"And what are these flashes like?"

"Oh, just…" He had to think real hard, taking the nurse's advice to try and keep the acting to a low. Perhaps he was a tad dramatic back there, but he couldn't help it! He'd never pretended to be someone like this before. "It's uncontrollable. An uncontrollable urge for human touch and bodily reactions! Those are the worst of it – Sometimes I have to stay indoors just to get rid of them."

"Right, and how often does this happen?"

"Often enough to affect everything else in my life. It was worse when I was in Africa – I was completely on my own, so it was just terrible! Here, I think it'll be easier for me." The doctor sighed.

"Have you acted on these impulses in destructive ways?" He nodded.

"Nothing terrible yet but that is the problem I have… I fear that I will do more than private solutions. I have the most terrible impulses – I worry I'll hurt someone." He struggled to maintain a straight face. This felt so difficult to lie about such a thing. He didn't need to masturbate often at all, he didn't have sex, he rarely even thought of it. Emotional connections were better than all of that, he believed, whatever came after was just additional pleasure.

"This is a classic case of compulsion." Feliciano gulped.

"I've heard of a treatment. Castration – I'd like to make sure that won't be happening." He laughed nervously. didn't laugh at all, he didn't even crack a smile. It just made Feliciano stop, waiting in the silence that just progressively got worse. He hated silence.

"I believe you're talking about a misconception of the surgical form. That would be barbaric for your case, pure foolishness," He wrote something down. "A reversible form of castration through agonists will determine whether this is a physiological condition or an abnormality in the mind. It should regulate any hormonal imbalances. But even so, tell me how the treatment is affecting you and I'll decide the next course of action." A grin came across Feliciano's face.

"Thank you," He then let out an exasperated. "Grazie a Dio." As the nurse from before had thoroughly terrified him. There was nothing worse to do to a man than to imply the removal of such an important extension. "Can I go to my room now? It's late." nodded.

"Yes, but one more thing. Since you admitted yourself, you can leave at any time with no protest. So far you have displayed a sound mind even if you've expressed concerns, you can decide if you wish to continue treatment."

"Right, right. I hope this works so I don't have to leave disappointed." He smiled despite the distinct lack of a smile from the doctor. They both happened to stand at the same time – Feliciano awkwardly trying to redeem the situation by nodding, unsure if the doctor had even seen the action. He walked towards the door before it had opened, Nurse Beilschmidt revealing herself.

"Oh, Monika, I wasn't expecting you to still be here." Monika, that was a nice name for such a mean face, Feliciano thought.

"Ah, I was unaware you had a patient. I'm sorry." She apologized.

"It's fine, he was just taking his leave." She frowned.

"You know we can't have patients just walking around unaccounted for," Feliciano was put in an odd position – Somewhere between free will and no freedom. He could leave at any point but while he was here, he was essentially a prisoner. His self-control would be tested just not in the way the doctor thought. "You know what happened last time cannot happen again." sighed.

"I would have called security before you interrupted. What is it you wanted?" He asked, straightforward and lacking much tact in his tone.

"There appears to be a problem with the pharmacy. A few missing substances," She shook her head. "Just procedure that I tell you, I'm sure they'll turn up soon, but I do worry about their especially addictive qualities. There may be a problem if my pessimism is correct." Feliciano looked between the two. It was hard for him to read the room – But there was a growing discomfort with being inside it right now.

grunted, "I see. I'll look into it. Take this patient back to his room." He extinguished his cigarette in the ashtray beside him. Nurse Beilschimidt beckoned for him to follow her, holding the door open waiting for him.

"Thank you, doctor!" Feliciano called just before he left. The doctor said nothing in return, but neither did the bus driver but that didn't make him any less grateful. It seemed like an instant shift when the door closed. Nurse Beilschmidt walking at a brisk pace but starting conversation.

"You seem in high spirits." She commented.

"Yes, I believe I am," He beamed. "I get to keep my privates attached to me." She shook her head.

"Is that the only thing you care about?" She sighed. "Don't answer that, I think I know the answer."

"No, actually. I have a whole lot more to care about," He frowned tersely. "I was actually wondering if there's a patient by the name of-"

"Lovino Vargas. Yes, there is." He paused, his step faltering slightly before he got back into the rhythm of walking again.

"Ah, yes! I was wondering why he's here?" She turned slightly before looking back forward again.

"Aren't you a relative? Shouldn't you know?" He smiled sourly.

"I should but I don't," She shook her head. It was only now he realized her words. "And-And I'm not a relative either! Not a close one anyway." It was a poor attempt at a lie, but he hoped it worked.

"While I do not have the paperwork to confirm that claim, you must take me as a fool to think you aren't closely related to Lovino Vargas. Besides, he didn't deny that you aren't close, he seemed to of shown more care than he ever has for your safety. Is that common amongst distant relatives?" He shrugged at the question, ignoring any rhetorical nature to it.

"Maybe, but that doesn't answer my question. Why is he here?"

"Well then you will have to find out some other way, I cannot disclose patient information myself. Even why they're here. Protocol to avoid judgment from other patients."

"But we're all in here all the same, why would anybody judge someone's condition like that?" He asked. Surprisingly, Nurse Beilschmidt chuckled.

"You're naïve – We're judgemental creatures by nature. Patients who believe they are better than the others often judge their conditions for being slightly closer to an unstable mind despite their own instabilities. Besides, you have no condition in the first place." He bit his lip, frustrated. Procedures, protocols, order – He didn't do well with those kinds of restraints.

"Lovino isn't crazy." He stated with confidence.

"No, crazy isn't a word we use here." She corrected.

He let out an exasperated sigh, "He's not insane – He shouldn't be here."

"That statement is only half correct. I can assure you he is not insane, but he does require our services. He has a compulsive disorder," She seemed irritated in her tone. "If you want to know then you can infer that kind of information in the group sessions – Most are very open about their conditions and you won't make any progress unless you acknowledge it to a group."

"What am I supposed to acknowledge, I thought I didn't have anything?"

"I know you don't, but the facility doesn't. As far as I'm concerned, you do suffer from an uncontrolled sexual compulsion so I will treat you as such." Worry began to bubble in his mind.

" seemed to prescribe me medication that'll make some changes…"

"You won't be needing any sex drive here – The side effects will be marginal."

"Okay, I'll trust you then," He smiled. "You know it's true though?"

"What's true?"

"Oh! Of course, you didn't hear," He tapped his head as if he were getting the dust off the cogs. "When I was a soldier in Abyssinia – It really does make the body do things to you. There are no pretty girls around at all! The only girls you see are the nurses, but you had to get hurt to go anywhere near them," He laughed. "So maybe that's why I thought it would be easy to act like I have satyriasis! But I guess it's harder than I thought."

"Right, epididymal hypertension is quite painful I hear." She grimaced.

"Epididym- What?" Without warning, she stopped – He overtook her by mistake before he swung back around.

"Blue balls," She stated briefly, holding her hand out towards the door. He looked at her, dumbfounded. "This is your room, . Get some rest for today's session," She looked down at her watch. "You have six hours." He couldn't help but whine.

"Six hours? That's not nearly enough sleep." All he received in return was a deep frown.

"I do just fine on four now get to bed," He hesitantly went inside the room but not before another morsel of advice. "I suggest you wake up half an hour beforehand to get ready. It's good form, the nurses appreciate an early bird patient they don't have to babysit through the morning."

Feliciano was far from an early bird. In fact, he was a rather late bird. But if this was Nurse Beilschimidt's version of helping him then he would listen reluctantly.

"I'll try my best, Monika. Goodnight!" He was eager to get to sleep but he didn't hear a single footstep or even an utterance of a sound. When he turned around, he saw she was still there, he looked behind him trying to figure out what exactly had caused her to stay.

"Goodnight, ." She said, breaking out of whatever trance she seemed to of been in just moments before. The door closed with a noticeable lock behind the nurse's exit. He turned on the light beside the bed, pausing his gaze at the door, wondering what he had done to cause such an odd reaction from her.

1. Admitted to Sanctuary 2461 0 0 2. Vargas 3652 0 0 3. Adversaries 3821 0 0 4. Something's Got to Give 3697 0 0 5. Heavy Hearts 3996 0 0 6. Mercy 4375 0 0 7. A Coward's Choice 3720 0 0 8. Unravelling 3370 0 0 9. Dimmed Lights 4051 0 0