Transtrouble @samuelfictiononline
Amanda's Past

Audrey takes a slow stroll through the park wearing a face of utter guilt, her hands inside her pockets. The sun is starting to set, and the pink clear sky is slowly turning orange. By this time, everyone (except Audrey, of course) had gone home to get ready for bed with Audrey's false accusations of Amanda pretending to be a girl to creep on the girls fresh on their minds. After ascertaining that Amanda just wanted to avoid bullying and harassment for being transgender, Audrey felt nothing but regret. She let her fears manifest themselves, and now a vulnerable child she barely knows will face mockery because of it.

As she strolls, her ears suddenly pick up sounds of a little girl crying in utter despair. She stops walking and starts following the sound, leading her to a bush where the child is crying behind it. The energetic tomboy takes a peek behind the bush, revealing Amanda curled to a ball sobbing.

"Amanda! There you are!" Audrey yelled, somewhat glad to have finally found the person she wronged.

The trans girl pauses weeping, having heard the familiar voice, and looks up to see Audrey, the transphobic bully that broke her promise about not telling everyone she is transgender and proceeding to lie to the entire street about her being a creep.

"Ugh. Seriously?" Amanda uttered in disgust, clearly holding a grudge against the protector of Harvey Street. "Leave me alone." She faces away from Audrey. Just simply looking at her face causes the bile in Amanda's stomach to churn in a revulsive manner.

Audrey runs behind the bush, intending to comfort Amanda. "Wait! Before you do anything insane, I just want to apologize. I promise I won't call you a creep."

"Tch. As if I would believe you," Amanda told her in a begrudging tone. "Now go away before I make you regret approaching me."

Audrey felt her heart being ripped to shreds after hearing that from Amanda. While it hurts to learn that Amanda holds a grudge against her, Audrey is well aware that she despises her for a good reason.

"Look," Audrey sits next to Amanda, "I know you're mad at me, and you have the right to be. What I've done to you just now was wrong and horrible, and I promise that I'll do anything to fix my mistakes."

Amanda remains silent, still curled into a ball.

"I guess my oath wasn't enough to convince you to talk to me, huh?"

Amanda does not utter any single word, nor does she move any single muscle.

"I was wrong. You're not a creep or a boy pretending to be a girl."

No word or movement from Amanda.

"Alright! I get it! You're angry, and I completely understand! I just want to know how can I make it up to you? How can I get people to like you again? How can I get you to like me again? I'll do anything to make things right with you again! I'm serious!"

Still no answer from the trans girl. By this point, Audrey has now understood the message. Amanda has no intention of talking to the person that broke her trust and heart. Audrey slowly stood, staring down at the grassy ground gloomily. As Audrey was about to leave, however, Amanda finally speaks:

"Fine. If it gets you to leave me alone, then we can talk."

Audrey felt her lips curling upward upon hearing Amanda talk. She sits back down.

"You know, I've never met a transphobe who's willing to change his or her ways," Amanda admits. "The other transphobes I've met never hesitated to bully me or even regretted their actions. They all had the intent of making me not feel welcome."

"I hate to ask, but what did they do?" asked Audrey.

"Some very terrible things."

The scene suddenly transitions to a hospital room where a woman with curly blonde hair is resting on the hospital bed. Standing next to the bed on the left is a doctor who is carrying a baby who looked similar to Amanda. Standing on the other side is a man with flat blonde hair wearing a plain white shirt and blue jeans. The woman on the hospital bed is Amanda's mother, and the man is Amanda's father. The baby the doctor is holding is Amanda back when she was a baby boy.

"As you know," Amanda's voice narrates, "I was born as a boy named Armin."

Baby Armin is sound asleep as the doctor gently hands him to his mother. His father takes a step closer to get a better look at his newborn son. Both parents are proud that they now have a child.

The scene then transitions years later to Armin's bedroom in his old home at Oswaldville where Armin, now a young child, is staring at the viewer with a happy face.

"Fast forward to years later. I am now a young boy living with a happy family in our happy home in our happy town of Oswaldville. Most of the time, I had a happy life; however…"

Armin's smile slowly curls downward, turning the smile into a frown.

"...there were a few problems."

Next, the scene changes to Armin standing in front of his mirror wearing a pink dress looking content.

"You see, I wasn't interested in typical boy stuff. I was more into typical girl stuff. I would find myself trying on my mom's old dresses she wore when she was a little girl."

Then, the scene shows little Armin collecting Barbie dolls and showing them to his mother.

"I lacked interest in collecting boy toys and collected girl toys instead."

After that, the scene cuts to Armin in the living room watching Horn-A-Corns, a fictional television series aimed at young girls.

"I would also find myself watching girl shows."

The scene then zooms in towards Armin's face which slowly morphs into a face of shame.

"While I did not feel shame in showing interest in girl things, it also left me with feelings of… distress. Distraught."

The scene cuts back to Armin staring at his mirror, only he is now striped into his underwear. He is staring at his male body with utter shame.

"I've felt uncomfortable with my male body. I felt like I was born the wrong gender. I felt that I was meant to be born a girl."

Armin's face slowly turns angry.

"I hated my body. I loathed being a boy. I despised my maleness. I wanted to switch bodies."

The scene transitions to Armin walking up to his parents and telling them about his current feelings.

"I couldn't take it anymore, so I told my parents about it, and immediately took me to a therapist."

At the therapy session, the therapist told Armin and his parents that he is diagnosed with gender dysphoria.

"After the session, the therapist concluded that I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria and told me and my parents that the only way to treat it is to transition; in other words, I have to transition into a girl."

The scene then shows the progression of Armin's transition from a boy into a girl.

"So I began transitioning. I've taken hormone replacement therapy; that is, I've taken testosterone blockers and received estrogen. My voice grew softer, and I had my name legally changed to Amanda. The transitioning took months, but eventually, it was completed."

Then, the scene transitions to Armin, now a girl named Amanda wearing her current clothing, staring once again at her mirror with pride.

"I've never felt this happy. I am now the gender I was meant to be. No, scratch that. I was always the gender I meant to be. I was just not born physically and biologically the gender I meant to be. Sadly, the happiness did not last."

The scene cuts to Amanda walking through the hallway of the school she previously attended before moving to Harvey Street. As Amanda walked to her class, the other students could not help but stare at her funny. The staring made Amanda feel uncomfortable.

"At my old school, people would stare at me as if I were some sort of freak, which made me uncomfortable."

Suddenly, Amanda was stopped by a group of children.

"I was often stopped by a group of classmates, and they asked me some very inappropriate questions."

Later, Amanda is seen being literally kicked out of the girls' bathroom. A female child comes out and nods her head no at Amanda before slamming the bathroom door shut.

"I was also not allowed inside the girls' bathroom. The other girls didn't let me in because 'boys' weren't allowed in for a reason, so I was forced to use the boys' bathroom which often triggered my dysphoria."

Inside the boys' bathroom, Amanda is seen being teased by the boys in the boys' bathroom, poking fun at her looks and mocking her for thinking she is a girl.

"When there were boys inside, they would often tease me about dressing up as a girl, even calling me a creep."

Next, the scene shows Amanda being cornered to the bathroom wall by a group of big boys. The boys cracked their knuckles, ready to harm Amanda.

"I was even once beaten up because of it."

Afterward, Amanda goes to the principal to tell him about the bullying she dealt with, but he doesn't seem to take it seriously.

"I've told my teacher and principal about the bullying I've experienced, but they did nothing."

Then, the scene cuts to Amanda standing outside of her home staring in absolute shock. On the wall is graffiti that shows some inappropriate and hateful things about Amanda and trans people in general such as Amanda being peddled with rocks, famous transgender people hanging from a tree with a noose wrapped around their necks, and the phrase "Death to tr*****s!" sprayed all over.

"The harassment wasn't limited at school, however, as I would often find graffiti stating some messed-up things about me and trans people in general. I would be sent death threats from people at school. The harassment and intolerance had gotten so bad to the point that my family had no choice but to move out."

The last scene of Amanda's past shows Amanda's family car driving away from their old home following a moving truck. Amanda takes one last look at her old home before looking away in absolute shame.

The scene finally transitions back to the present day where Amanda is sitting behind the bush telling Audrey, who is sitting next to her, her past.

"And here I am," Amanda concludes, "sitting next to a transphobic bully who now resumed my suffering."

Having listened to Amanda's story of her past, Audrey felt more guilty than ever. Many horrible actions have been committed against Amanda from being beaten up to being threatened with death, and thanks to her actions Amanda will now face more threats of violence and death. If only she knew about Amanda's past and never prejudged her, she would have never told every Harvey child that Amanda is trans.

Amanda slowly stands up. "There. Now you know my backstory, now leave me be." She began heading back home.

Noticing that Amanda is leaving, Audrey breaks away from her regretful silence and immediately stands up. "Amanda, wait! You haven't told me how I can make it up to you!"

Amanda stops in her tracks. "Sorry, Audrey, but that's for you to think of, not me. And in case you're wondering, no I don't forgive you."

Audrey looks down in utter guilt.

"But," Amanda resumes, "I am considering to forgive you because you have shown me that you can change, unlike the ones I've told you about in my backstory.

Audrey brightens up a bit, but she still feels regretful.

"Now if you excuse me, I need to get home, and you should too." With that, Amanda leaves for her home, leaving Audrey to stand there alone in utter sadness.

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