Disclaimer: I don't own iZombie or any of its characters or other property. I do not make profit off this work and do not intend to. This works purpose is entertainment.
Warnings: reference to death, killing, guilt, shock
Spoilers: For Season 1 Ep 3: The exterminator.
Pairings: Liv/Ravi friendship (or preslash if you want to read it that way.)
AN: Set during Season 1 Ep 3: The exterminator
I had really done it. I had really killed. Taken a pipe and bashed the zombie until it was dead. Until blood splattered all over myself. Soaked in guilt and blood.
I had really gone full zombie and taken a life...even if it was a zombie life...in defence of her friend. I had even seen Ravi as a meal...until he had calmed me.
Did that make her a murderer? Did zombies even count as victim of murder? Was that or the psychopath brain asking?
Her mind couldn't make sense of jumbled thoughts and all the emotions. Psychopath brain was in control so some of my guilt had been blocked. She still felt numb. Both mentally and physically. Even Ravi's touch felt less warm.
Liv was distracted in the car ride back...in a way that made me nervous. I knew every emotion of hers, even through the filter of different brain personalities.
This wasn't tired.
This wasn't cold, as her current psychopath brain was projecting. This was something more...something deeper.
She is turned away, looking out the window. Hiding her emotions from me. Clearly upset. Clearly confused. Overwhelmed.
"Liv?" I ask, failing to hide my concern.
She doesn't hear me, or ignores me. She doesn't react to my touch...another deeply concerning sign.
"You can't beat yourself up. You had to defend me. Which I am thankful for, by the way." I say, trying to pry any emotion out of her. Even self pity would make me happy.
She doesn't react. Nothing. Not even anger or guilt.
We have arrived at my home. I decided to go straight home, keeping her with me. I am far too concerned to leave her alone.
"We are home." I call out, trying to sound positive.
She hasn't commented about the change of plans...that concerns me even more.
"Come, lets get inside. You need sleep." I say gently.
This makes her react. She looks up, and its Liv in her eyes, not the hitman whose brain she ate. Her eyes are wide with vulnerable emotions, making her look like a mere child. I pull her close, unable to help it. She lets me. "Come inside, your freezing!" I converse, merely speaking and hoping the words are enough. Enough to console myself and her.
"I don't get cold. You know that." she corrects quietly but distantly.
Wait! Of course. Its easy to forget that she is not exactly a normal human. She just seems so unlike all the zombie archetypes I know.
So why did I say she was freezing? She is normally colder than usual, though not as cold as a dead body. I grab her arm and find that she is in fact as cold as a dead body.
The freezing skin? The lack of response? Is this zombie shock?
I have a new urgency. Who knows what shock will do in a zombie? What if she loses what makes her Liv? What if she goes full zombie and can't return? Or goes full psychopath brain and can't return?
I grab blankets and put on a movie. She sits on the lounge, not really watching the movie. She is in her own world until I gently touch her arm. It feels almost like the bodies I work on and I have to keep the nightmarish thoughts away. Not today. Not if I can help it!
"Lay down, we have to get you warm" I say. She moves but doesn't correct me to 'warmer'. I slide behind her and pull her closer. Body warmth will help. She relaxes but I can feel her shivering. I pull the blankets over her.
She easily falls asleep. Which should be concerning. She still shivers, though less.
It doesn't take me long to join her. And fall into a regular nightmare.
I am staring down at a body. A body with pale skin and pale hair...and a bullet through her brain. Liv.
No, this can't be it! This can't be her! What happened? Did I fail her? Why was she full zombie?
I pick up a scalpel and start to cut.
Then I wake up, panting and unable to clear my head. "Liv" I whisper. She is alive. She is okay. Its all a bad dream. Just a bad dream.
She feels warmer now. Less like a corpse.
She really will be okay.
She wakes in the afternoon. No shivering and no freezing skin. Confused half asleep eyes regard me, full of concern. Liv is back.
"Thanks" she says, looking nervous. "I didn't mean to be a bother." she excuses quietly.
"It wasn't any trouble" I manage.
AN: I may leave this as a one shot. Unsure yet. Read and review as always!