Disclaimer: I Don't Own Anything to Do With Harry Potter.
Chapter 18: A Useless Teacher
Tuesday, September 1st, 1992
'Is this going to happen every year?' thought Amelia as the sound of running around could be heard from where she was downstairs.
"You were told to pack everything last night!" yelled Amelia.
"I had everything ready." said Hannah from behind her.
"Don't be a suck up!" yelled Susan from upstairs.
"Susan! Language!" yelled Amelia.
"Yeah you better watch it, Susie, or I'll tell Harry what you want to suck." said Hannah.
"Hannah!" yelled Amelia and Susan at the same time.
Harry and Susan came running down the stairs with their trunks. Both of them were red-faced.
"Next year I'm going to pack your things for you. Now if I don't apparate us then we'll be late." said Amelia.
As Amelia gathered the three of them together Susan asked,
"Any chance you can forget what you heard, Harry?"
"Not a chance." said Harry before the four of them disappeared and reappeared on Platform 9 ¾.
Amelia quickly saw the three of them onto the train with a final statement of,
"If I find out anyone is sucking anything, that part will be cursed off permanently."
Harry turned white at that before being pulled away by Hannah and Susan.
"Harry you know Auntie would never do that." said Susan.
Harry wasn't too sure.
In between some snogging time with Hannah they told her about what happened with Dobby.
"Harry was naked in your bed? How was it?" asked Hannah.
"We weren't awake to see anything." said Susan grumpily.
"I bet Amelia wasn't too happy about it." said Hannah.
"By that time she'd already known it wasn't us so things calmed down. I don't want to think about how mad she would've been." said Harry.
"You wouldn't be here kissing me." said Hannah pulling Harry back into a kiss.
"Hey! You've had enough." said Susan pulling Harry towards her and capturing his lips.
"There's never enough." said Hannah.
The second years joined the older students taking the carriages up to the school. Harry walked up to the front of the carriage.
"What kind of creature is this?" asked Harry.
"What are you talking about? There's nothing there." said Susan.
Harry took her hand and touched it to the animal causing her to jump.
"They're Thestrals. Only people who have seen someone die can see them. They always pull the carriages up to Hogwarts. It's in Hogwarts: A History." said Hermione having joined them at the carriage.
Harry thought of what happened with Professor Quirrel as the four of them boarded the carriage.
In no time they were at their house tables watching the sorting ceremony. After Ginevra Weasley was sorted, Dumbledore introduced Professor Lockhart and had the feast appear.
"We should learn a lot this year in Defense." said Hermione.
"Did you read his books?" asked Harry.
"Yes." said Hermione.
"Well read them again. He gives no spells that he supposedly did and in several of the books he's in multiple places at the same time. I think he's a fraud." said Harry.
"How could you say that, Harry? Dumbledore wouldn't have hired him if he was a fraud." said Hermione.
"We'll just have to wait and see how the first class goes." said Harry.
Hermione wasn't happy, but let the conversation drop.
Wednesday, September 2nd, 1992
The second year Hufflepuff and Ravenclaws didn't have to wait long to find out how the first defense class was as it was their first class of the day.
"Welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts second years. I am, for those who don't know, Professor Gilderoy Lockhart. Order of Merlin Third Class, member of the Dark Forces Defense League and 5 time winner of Witch Weekly's most dazzling smile contest. But I don't talk about that. I am here to teach you to defend yourself against dark spells and creatures as I have had to do myself many times. For full details read my books. It has been told to me that we have two exceptional students in this class who are going to be helping you all. Let's bring them up here and see what they can do with our creatures today. Harry Potter, Susan Bones." called Professor Lockhart.
Harry and Susan went up and stood next to the cage that was shaking ominously. Professor Lockhart removed the cover over the cage to reveal that it was full of Doxy's.
"What are those?" asked Ernie MacMillian.
"Cornish Pixies." said Professor Lockhart.
"Those aren't Cornish Pixies and if you're plan was to release them you could've killed everyone in this room if they didn't receive the anti-venom quickly." said Harry.
"Pixie venom isn't deadly." said Professor Lockhart.
"No, but Doxy venom is. How can you teach this class if you don't even know the difference between a Doxy and a Pixie. Didn't you write a book on household spells to deal with pests in a Witches home?" asked Susan.
Professor Lockhart looked like he was going to be sick. His plan had been to release the Pixies and make Harry and Susan look bad with him having to save them. Now instead he tried to save face.
"Well done, Mr. Potter and Miss Bones. You passed that test with flying colors. You may take your seats. Quills ready. We're going to take a quiz to see how well you have read my books so far." said Professor Lockhart.
He passed out the tests and set them to the task.
"None of these questions have anything to do with defense." said Susan.
"Are you surprised?" asked Harry.
"You two knew that he was going to be this bad?" asked Hannah.
"We read his books as soon as we got them. We're not going to learn anything this year." said Harry.
"Well I'm not filling out answers to this dung." said Susan.
Professor Lockhart picked up all the tests.
"Well it looks like some of you need to read my books more carefully. Mr. Potter, Miss Bones and Miss Abbott, why didn't you answer any of the questions?" asked Professor Lockhart.
"Because none of the questions had anything to do with defense." said Hannah.
"Well I'm afraid that'll be 10 points from each of you. It'll be detention if you fail to do an assignment again." said Professor Lockhart going back to the tests. "It looks like someone actually did read my books. Miss Granger answered every question correctly. 10 points to you, Miss Granger."
Class ended finally and Harry, Susan and Hannah left for Herbology. As the three of them left, Professor Lockhart was thinking that he'd better check over his lesson plans and make sure there were no other deadly creatures on there. Nobody had found out his secret before and he wasn't going to have it happen with dead students in his class.
Author's Note: I'm still here. This might not be one of the best chapters, but I'm trying to get the story moving again. There have been some comments that my stories are abandoned and they're not. I just don't have a lot of time to write. Well I hope you like it. Thank you for reading.