firsts @nazuna

"...Are you sure?"

Yuta's hands are resting on his knees, sitting in front of him, and Shinobu feels like he's seconds away from spontaneously combusting. Making an attempt to ignore how his face was burning with what seemed like the heat from thousands of suns, he nodded.

"I-I-I'm poshitiff! Positive, that ish!"

Great, now he was fumbling his words. He decided to avert his gaze from Yuta to the floor they were sitting on. Idly, he wondered if he stared harder at the wood flooring, he would burn holes into it.

Are you sure?

Shinobu Sengoku was not one to back out of something he couldn't handle. Well- that wasn't entirely true. He made a decent attempt not to most of the time, at least, and that was definitely worth something. If it was a time where he could rack up all the courage he had in his body to do something new, something that he really wanted to do, he would try his hardest to.

This time, on the floor of his bedroom, study notes scattered alongside the two as the setting sun slowly drowned the room into bursts of yellows and pinks, was one of those times.

Yuta, a close friend, a person who had stuck by his side where nobody had even been before, sitting before him among those math worksheets and discarded scrap paper, gave him the chance. To do something that was out of the ordinary for him, what he had never thought he would ever have the courage to. Whether he realized it or not, he was giving Shinobu the opportunity that he had, embarrassingly so, daydreamed about.

With cautious hands on him and a determined yet gentle look in his eye, Yuta asked him. Originally, he had thought he imagined it, thinking it to be nothing but a delusion that had escaped a daydream he didn't even know he was having. It was a question-

Can I kiss you?

-That Shinobu wouldn't have said no to even if the world depended on it.

Shinobu opens one eye. Seeing that Yuta's a little bit closer than he was before, he has to muster up all of the strength he had to not flinch away. It wasn't enough that Yuta didn't notice though, and he made a face of worry and leaned away a little.

"Hey, we don't have to, you know. You're sure you're still absolutely, one hundred percent okay with th--"

"Yes!" Shinobu practically squeaks, looking pointedly at Yuta's nose and not directly at his eyes. Inching forward as if to prove his point, he continues. "I-I do not wish to make you feel as if I am not comfortable, de gozaru! I simply have never done this before... s-so it is very difficult not knowing what to expect, de gozaru!" He wonders if Yuta can feel his face burning from where he is, which is now a lot closer than before. Probably, with how he softly smiles and fluffs up Shinobu's hair a bit. Oh boy, if his heart hadn't completely melted earlier, it must be practically disintigrated now with that. It helped him relax a little, at least, in the loosest sense of the word possible.

"Alright! So..." he trails off mid-sentence, tilting his head a little. Shinobu instinctively squeezes his eyes shut- not because he's uncomfortable, which he definitely and one hundred percent is not, but because he's worried about changing his mind last second. He doesn't want the chance to go away, anxiety be damned. If he had to reach out on his own, he would try.

"Just push me or something if you change your mind... okay?" Shinobu vaguely wonders if he was imagining the hint of nervousness in the other boy's voice. Even with his eyes closed, he can tell that he is inches away, and now centimeters, and...

For all of that talk about attempting to throw away his anxiety, as soon as he feels the light touch of Yuta's lips against his own, a brand new kind of anxiety floods back into him as if a dam burst. As if his brain was a machine, he felt like he was short-circuiting and exploding three times over, leaving him unable to react. Apparently taking his sitting still as a sign of rejection, Yuta pulls away slowly. However, in a sudden burst of courage, Shinobu jumps forward, missing completely and crashing his forehead into Yuta's.

"Ah-- I-I'm sor--" he was cut short by Yuta's laughter. He looks up, and sees how Yuta's face lights up. Now he's done it. Groaning, he brings his hands up to his face and buries it in them. "Please don't make fun of me, de gozaru!"

His laughter dies down a little, and Shinobu feels a light touch on his wrists. His hands- which are very soft, Shinobu suddenly notices, with how he's suddenly become very aware of every little thing- wrap around his wrists, slowly pulling them away from his face. Shinobu slowly lifts his face up, his thoughts cutting out when Yuta attacks with a kiss to the forehead.

"Hehe, got you!" Yuta says, a big grin on his face. He presses small kisses to his face, starting from his forehead and continuing down to the tip of his nose, and Shinobu can't help but laugh. "Y-You're so cruel, Yuta-kun!" he says, trying to sound intimidating between laughs, which only makes Yuta start laughing along with him.

He should have felt like he was on the verge of passing out, so embarrassed that he would run out of the room, but he somehow felt none of that. With Yuta, someone who had stuck by him for months, someone who wasn't intimidated or weirded out by him, he felt like he could do anything.

Now on his back, Yuta over him, hands entwined, laughing together and simply enjoying being with each other, Shinobu has one thought. One that he knew for months, but now it felt new. As if he had only just noticed for the first time, Shinobu thinks.

With Yuta-kun, I can be at my happiest.

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