The Smurf Menace (Redux) @capnport
Book One, Chapter Three

"Papa Smurf, Papa Smurf!" Century came running into the village. "Papa Smurf, it's a smurftastrophe!"

"Calm down, my little smurf," Papa said. "What is it? What's happened?"

"We were picking smurfberries," Century said, "and then these other smurfs, grey smurfs, showed up, and then they attacked us, and they smurfed away Tuffy and Clumsy to their village!"

"Other smurfs?" Papa said. "But we're the only smurfs."

"Apparently not anymore!" Century said. He turned back around to run off. "Follow me, I'll show you!"

"Hm. Well, Tuffy and Clumsy aren't with him, and he's not the type to pull pranks."

"No," Jokey said, "That's my job!" He pulled open a present box, which exploded, and he laughed. Papa Smurf sighed, exasperated.

"Brainy, Hefty, and Jokey. You three come with me, we'll see what this is all about."

It was soon enough that the smurfs made it to the village of the naughties. The stone wall surrounding the village seemed even more intimidating to Century now, his friends trapped within. Hefty grimaced as Brainy, terrified, clung onto his arm almost tight enough to cut off circulation. Papa Smurf looked worried. Jokey, really, was the only one unfazed.

"You see, Papa Smurf?" Century said, gesturing. At the opening in the wall, two naughties stood guard. One wore a straw hat, and the other had a skull-and-crossbones tattoo on his upper arm.

Papa Smurf nodded. "You were right, Century. Other smurfs...! I never thought I'd see the day."

"But, Papa," Brainy said, "who are these smurfs? Where are they from?"

"I'm not sure, Brainy." Papa responded. "We should wish them a warm welcome to our forest."

"But- Clumsy, and Tuffy-"

"Trust me, Brainy. Trust me."

And so it was that those five smurfs headed up to the gate guards.

"Who goes there?!" Skull-And-Crossbones yelled, swinging a large twig around wildly.

"Oi," Straw Hat said, "Calm down, ya big galoot."

"Don't worry!" Papa Smurf called as the smurfs approached. "We are neighbors, and we come in peace and friendship!"

"Don't be movin' from 'ere," Straw Hat said. "I'll go and get our leader- actually," He gestured to Skull-And-Crossbones, "Can youse go find him?"

"Why me?" Skull-And-Crossbones said, crossing his arms.

"If youse be stayin' 'ere, dat means dese fine folks might get hurt. I do not be trustin' youse." Skull-And-Crossbones rolled his eyes, but headed into the gates anyways. Straw Hat murmured under his breath, and took a drag from a cigar he hadn't had mere moments before.

"Hey!" Brainy said. "That's bad for your health!" Straw Hat puffed out smoke rings, ignoring Brainy. It wasn't long before Skull-And-Crossbones returned with the naughties' Leader, who- to the smurfs' surprise- looked an awful lot like Papa Smurf. Papa felt he was looking in an imperfect mirror, and in the back of his mind started to formulate several possible theories.

"What is it that you want?" Not-Papa said.

"We've come to welcome you to the forest," Papa responded, "and to ask for the return of our smurfs whom you smurfed by mistake."

"By mistake?" Not-Papa raised an eyebrow. "They're thieves. They took our smurfberries."

"Those smurfberries belong to everysmurf," Papa said. "Anysmurf can smurf them."

"That may have been true before we arrived here," Not-Papa said. "But now, they're ours."

"You said, 'before we arrived,'" Hefty interrupted. "Where did you come from?"

"From very far away," Not-Papa said. "Anyhow, that's none of your business." He addressed Papa again. "You should teach your smurfs to respect their elders and not interrupt."

"I'll keep that in mind," Papa said. "Anyways, we came to smurf you a few presents as a gesture of welcome." Behind him, Brainy and Century picked up some of the gift boxes Jokey had brought, Brainy holding his up to hide his face behind it.

"You want to purchase your smurfs' freedom?" Not-Papa said incredulously. "Do you think a few trinkets will make me change my mind?"

"It's a sign of a good leader to be able to be magnamious," Papa replied calmly.

"Hmph. I suppose it's alright this time. But we had better not catch them there again." Not-Papa waved his hand at Straw Hat and Skull-And-Crossbones. "Go get the prisoners." The two guards headed inside the gates. When Straw Hat came back, he was leading Clumsy. Clumsy was unharmed and unbound, and when he saw the smurfs he started running towards them, tripping over a rock and landing flat on his face. He pushed himself off the ground with a grin.

"Brainy! Hefty! Jokey! Y'all came t'rescue us too?!"

"And the other one?" Papa Smurf asked. Straw Hat gestured towards the gates, where Skull-And-Crossbones was coming through holding a gagged and bound Tuffy like a sack of potatoes. "...Oh."

"He bit B- uh." Skull-And-Crossbones looked at Not-Papa, who very slightly shook his head. "He bit another naughty. He's lucky it wasn't one I like, or you wouldn't be able to recognize his corpse." Skull-And-Crossbones placed Tuffy down and removed the gag, prompting Tuffy to go on a vulgar, ranting tirade about what the various ways he wanted to harm and injure the naughties. Papa Smurf untied the ropes around his arms and legs while Straw Hat and Skull-And-Crossbones stepped back to form a protective barrier between the belted smurf and their leader.

"We'll smurf a little party among friends tomorrow evening," Papa Smurf said as the smurfs left. "Would you do us the pleasure of coming?"

"We'll see about that," Not-Papa said.

On the way back to the smurfs' village, Century asked Papa Smurf, "But what about the smurfberries?"

"There are plenty of smurfberries all over the forest," Papa responded, "they can smurf that one patch if they would like to."

"I don't trust those smurfs," Hefty muttered.

"They're a little strange, that's all," said Papa. But, truth be told, he wasn't sure if he could trust them, either.

1. Book One, Chapter Two 595 0 0 2. Book Two, Chapter Two 415 0 0 3. Book One, Chapter Three 976 0 0 4. Book One, Chapter Four 1082 0 0