They're all idiots. Every single one of them. I may talk a lot, but if they only listened, they wouldn't smurf up quite as much. As they say, genius is never appreciated in his own lifetime. Sometimes I smurf who the "they" are that people quote. Someday, perhaps, I will be one of them, my name unknown but my brilliance appreciated among smurfs and humans alike. It would be nice to have my brilliance appreciated.
I care about the other smurfs, but it's hard to do so when I know they hate me. Unlike what somesmurfs seem to think, I'm not blind, and I can tell what they think about me. (Well, technically I am blind, but that's not what I smurf.)
Only one smurf likes me. Maybe two, if you count Papa Smurf. I am his hard-working assistant, after all. Papa Smurf says he doesn't smurf favorites, and he says he smurfs each and every one of his little smurfs the same. I, however, know he's only saying that not to hurt everysmurf else's feelings over the fact that I'm his favorite. But they already know, or why would they hate me? They're just jealous that Papa Smurf likes me best.
Clumsy, meanwhile, likes me because he's too dumb to know better. That's my only explanation. He says he loves me, but that's his foolish emotions getting ahold of him. I would never smurf anything like that out loud, because I am far too intelligent to do so. I really wonder what he sees in me that the other smurfs don't. He may be dumb, but he's very sweet and kind. Clumsy is a very smurfy smurf, and sometimes I think that I don't deserve him.
And then I immediately dismiss that thought, because it's stupid. Of course I deserve him, in fact, he doesn't deserve me! Nosmurf does.
This morning, Jokey gave me a gift. I don't know what possessed me to open it, but I did, and of course it smurfed in my face. Everysmurf laughed, but it really wasn't funny. Jokey is completely out of his smurf. I think he's made so many "surprises" explode that his brain has exploded along with them. I wouldn't be surprised if that was the truth.
Hehe. "I wouldn't be surprised." I am hilarious sometimes! Only when I want to be, though. Sometimes, smurfs laugh when I'm not trying to be funny, and I don't understand why. I'm a genius, not a comedian! Jokey smurfs me his "surprises" the most. I think I open them thinking that there will be an actual gift inside someday. I know he can give actual gifts- he's given them to Smurfette plenty of times.
I wonder, why does everysmurf love Smurfette? There's nothing particularly smurfy about her. She's my friend, sure, but everysmurf acts like she's perfect. Just because she's a girl. It's completely nonsensical! What's so smurfy about having hair, and wearing frilly dresses, and shoes made to throw you off balance? What's so smurfy about a smurf who's always thinking about how she looks?
This goes for you too, Vanity. Newsflash: You're not as smurfy as you think you are. Put away those delusions of grandeur and realize who the real best smurf around here is.Back to Smurfette, every spring since she arrived, everysmurf has been swarming to her. Everysmurf except me, that is. (And maybe Vanity, he's far too smurfed with himself to smurf in love with anyone else.) I am far too logical and rational for a silly little thing such as spring fever. Maybe once she's been around for a decade, the excitement will calm down. Maybe once Gargamel is dead.
I cannot smurf for that. Once Gargamel is dead, our lives will stop being threatened on a near-daily basis. I could take the time I spend worrying about how much danger the weakest and slowest smurf is in, and use it for more intelligent thoughts. Once Gargamel (and his unsmurfy cat, Azrael) are dead, things will smurf back to how they were when I was a smurfling. When there was only one threat of death every few smurfs, if we were unlucky. I pity the smurflings of today for having to smurf up in such a troubled world.
It's incredibly weird; Nat, Snappy, and Slouchy being kids again. They don't smurf anything that happened between the time they smurfed back to and the visit to Father Time's. I know they're still around, but I miss them, and all the changes in the century or two they smurfed must be very confusing. If I was in their position, of course, I would figure it out immediately. That said, I'm eternally glad it was them that smurfed back and not me.
Would smurfs like me better if it had been me? I had a lot more friends as a smurfling, and maybe they'd be glad to get rid of the current me. Whatever, if they'd smurf me better that way, it's their smurf. My intelligence is far too important, as is my friendship with Clumsy, and my memories-
-Except when I remember exsmurfedly embarassing ones. What was I smurfing? It was definitely a lapse in my brilliant judgement. As Papa Smurf always says, don't smurf to conclusions.
Anyways, why doesn't Lazy ever do any work? He's always smurfing around, sleeping, dozing, etcetera. On one smurfily sunny day, I decided to read on a bench outside, when Lazy fell asleep on my shoulder! I'm not a pillow, and I'm not plump enough to be one, unlike Greedy Smurf. Greedy Smurf really needs to go on a diet. It's not smurfy to deprive yourself of food, but he should smurf to snack less between the main meals of the day, as well as eat healthier food and exercise more. As Papa Smurf always says, a smurf's body is his temple, meaning you need to smurf good care of it.
See, that's the problem with the other smurfs. They need to be more responsible! And they need to listen to me more. I smurf wise advice, but oh no, the other smurfs are all like, Brainy Smurf messed up once, so we'll never smurf to him, ever! Well, it's their loss. They don't know what they're missing.