These Things Happen @writehandman
Promotion Blues

Obi-Wan Kenobi, was an excellent general. That was a well known fact among the GAR, and fairly well known throughout the galaxy at large. It's the sort of thing that happened when one was a propaganda poster boy. 


What was rather unknown, was that CC-2224, Cody to everyone he didn't hate, ranked higher than Kenobi, higher than Master Yoda, and as Kenobi signed off on that last bit of paperwork, higher than the Supreme Chancellor himself.

What was rather unknown, was that CC-2224, Cody to everyone he didn't hate, ranked higher than Kenobi, higher than Master Yoda, and as Kenobi signed off on that last bit of paperwork, higher than the Supreme Chancellor himself.


Kenobi didn't know he'd done this of course. Theoretically , it was treason. But he had of course, ran out of ways to promote Cody, and had been forced to get creative, much to his commander's chagrin.


Dozens of open data pads were strewn across the desk he worked at, screens open to holos of ancient war texts. Highlighted, was every occurrence of a term for military officers. But the one you should focus on, is the Defense Secretary, highlighted in blue, and haphazardly added to the list of possible promotions.


Due to an obscure rule, long forgotten but still left in play, the Defense Secretary outranked everyone in times of war. 


Including elected officials, like the Supreme Chancellor.




Cody stood on the bridge of the Negotiator, clad in armor, as he tiredly watched a series of flashing lights going off on consoles. A variety of clone and natural born officers began scrambling to deal with whatever new crisis was happening. Hopefully it wouldn't be fatal. He didn't have enough time in his day to die.


 Cody wasn't a hundred percent sure why he was even on the bridge, seeing as he technically had his downtime scheduled. It could, quite accurately, also be called paperwork time, but that wasn't the point. The point was, he was here, bucket and all, when he could be at his desk in blacks, drinking caf. God, he wanted to be sitting down.


“Uh, Commander? Sir?” While he’d been busy daydreaming about his rather comfortable desk chair, a shiny holding a datapad had approached.


“Can I help you, trooper?” He turned to look at the newcomer, who with just a glance, became visibly nervous. Cody gave him three weeks before the 'commanding officer' jitters went away. Until then, it was pretty funny to stare him down.


“General Kenobi sent me, sir. He uh, he said to tell you that he'll be a few minutes late, and to apologise for interrupting your break. Sir.” The shiny held out the datapad for Cody to take.


“At ease, soldier.” Cody took pity on the poor kid, and took the pad from him. He turned it on, and entered his codes, to scroll through whatever Obi-Wan had sent his way. He was immediately greeted by a little note in the right corner that read:


Enjoy the promotions! -OWK


And Cody immediately bit back a sigh of dread, and an explosion of curses. He understood the desire to reward excellent work, but Obi-Wan went overboard. Frequently. Almost always. Constantly. Actually, overboard was a very polite way to put it. Kriffing wild was more apt. More promotions meant more responsibilities, which meant more paperwork.


Cody hated paperwork.


“You got a name yet, soldier?” Cody looked away from the pad to see the shiny off.


“Ranger, sir.” Ranger said, surprise coloring his voice at being asked. Maybe it'd only take this one a week.


“Well Ranger, thank you for delivering this to me. Dismissed.” Cody nodded politely at him, and waited until he had walked out of earshot, only to curse quietly under his breath. “Damnit, Kenobi. Again? I just figured out how to deal with the new forms.”


“Well if you like, I can help you figure out the new ones.” A crisply accented voice came from over Cody's shoulder.


It was only due to years of training on Kamino and a the years working with the Jedi, that Cody didn't jump out of his skin.


Instead he just turned and smacked him in the chest with the datapad. “I swear, I'm going to put a bell on you. You're too quiet, General. You're scaring the shinies.”


“Good morning to you too, Commander!” Obi-Wan beamed at him.


“Don't you pull that with me. I have paperwork to be doing, and with this thing you just pulled? I'm just assuming it'll be doubled.” He grumbled at him, gesturing with the datapad.


Obi-Wan gestured for him to walk with him. “I'll help you figure it out Commander. I'm sure it's less trouble than you think it will be.”


“General,” Cody trailed after the smaller man, who was walking quickly through the corridors. “With all due respect, that's bullshit. You said that last time, and I practically had to pass the bar exam to understand half of what was going on.”


Obi-Wan let out a bark of laughter. “It's a good thing you're a quick learner, eh Cody?” He stopped at the doors to his quarters and punched in the code, watching Cody leaning against the wall as the mechanisms whirred and opened. “Tired?”


Cody pushed himself off the wall with a soft grunt and rolled his shoulders, a quiet pop accompanying the movement. “I'm always tired, Obi-Wan. I've also only had two cups of caf so far today.” 


"Two is a normal amount, Cody. You just have a crippling caffeine addiction." 


"Sorry, I can't hear you over how tired I am." Cody snorted.


He sidestepped the ginger and walked into the small room. Of course, it was a bigger room than most on the ship, but nothing larger than a particularly spacious maintenance closet. A reasonable cot was pushed up against a wall, while a desk was opposite it. Cody moved the Jedi robe draped over the chair, to a storage compartment with a sigh. He walked back to the desk and collapsed into the chair, finally taking his bucket off.


“What was so important that you had to comm to meet me on the bridge? Especially during my break. You could have just as easily comm'd and asked me to meet you here.” 


“I could've yes, but I have reason to believe that our comms are being monitored by the GAR, and I have no desire to get in trouble for fraternization.” Obi-Wan sighed, sitting on his cot.


“Again.” Cody snorted. “That one admiral caught us arguing in the closet once, and took it the wrong way.”


“We argue in closets so it doesn't lower morale! It should've been obvious. If I want to jump your bones, I'll do that on our downtime. Fraternization my ass.” He grumbled, glaring at the ceiling. “It's so obvious. Who would use a closet for anything but storage or arguing?”


Cody's mind immediately went to the time he'd been traveling with the 501st and he and Rex stood awkwardly around as General Skywalker and Senator Amidala disappeared into a closet for twenty minutes. That was the quietest and most awkward twenty minutes he'd ever spent with Rex. And that included when Rex drunkenly declared a duel. And Cody had drunkenly agreed. And then Bly had to bail them out from where the guard had arrested him.


Fox still had those photos, the asshole.


“No clue sir.”


“Cody, you know that rank means nothing in this room. But, speaking of rank, you did get a few promotions." Kenobi grinned at him, the edges of his mustache curling and crinkling into his beard. 


“I thought rank didn't mean anything in this room, Obi-Wan.” He snarked back at him, reclining slightly in the chair. "Don't make me think about it.'


“Bah, you're no fun.” The ginger waved him off with a dismissive hand, his words betrayed by the twinkle in his eyes.


Cody snorted and stood up to make himself a cup of caf, and a tea for Obi-Wan. “I think if I tried to be fun, half the 212 would faint.”


“Cody, that simply isn't true. I'm sure the men know that you can have fun!” 


“Obi-Wan, the only people who have ever seen me unwind are you, Rex, Ponds, Bly, Wolffe and Fox.” He hesitated. “Actually, I think Rex might've dragged Skywalker to one of our nights out, but he passed out within a couple minutes.” Cody found the kettle and poured the hot water into two mugs, setting a tea bag into one, and stirring instant caf into the other.


“Anakin always was a lightweight. I've told you about the time when he was sixteen, right? On Corellia with the shots?” Obi-Wan laughed quietly.


“The one that ends with him meeting a duchess and puking on her shoes?” Cody asked, amused. “Yes, you have. Rex has it in his ‘blackmail’ folder as well.” He picked up both cups and held out the tea for Obi-Wan.


“That man, given the opportunity, could make fools of all of us.” Obi-Wan said, as he took the mug gratefully, taking a shallow sip to allow the water to cool slightly.


“Yes he could. Without any doubt.” Cody grimaced slightly as he drank the caf. Instant was never any good, and military grade instant? It was barely worth the caffeine it delivered. “He has far too much on me."


“Oh? Do tell.” 


“Absolutely not.” Cody glared at him. “I have to maintain some dignity around here.”


“Fine. Keep your secrets.” Obi-Wan smiled over the rim of his mug. “But tell me, is the promotion truly that bad?”


“I've yet to discover that yet.” He said dryly. “I'm sure I'm about to, though. Hooray for me.”


“It'll be fine. I believe in you.”




Cody's head hurt. Cody wanted to space all his paperwork, and then himself. Twice. Cody was going to personally kill Obi-Wan Kenobi, and then destroy everything he held dear. If Cody got one more signature request, he was going to go feral. Cody was going to cry if he found another form he didn't understand. Cody was standing up at his desk, desperately wishing for a flamethrower. Or just a spanner. Actually, as he thought about it, his blaster might even do the trick.


A couple shots to the holopad and then he wouldn't have to deal with the reports anymore.


He was reaching for his holster when the hydraulics in the door activated and he had to quickly sit down and look professional. He grabbed a stylus and tried to appear busy.


Waxer stuck his head in the door. “Hey Commander!”


Cody would not groan. He wouldn't . “What is it, Waxer?” If it was another request to allow kids on the Negotiator, Cody couldn't be held accountable for his actions.


“Let's say-”


“I'm going to stop you there. No. No kids on the ship. No, Ashoka doesn't count, she's a Jedi.” Cody said, gritting his teeth.


Waxer deflated a little, but didn't look surprised at all. “Not what I was going for, but it seems that your stance has yet to change.”


“It hasn't, It will not, nor will it ever change. We're at war.” Cody could feel his blood pressure rise. He'd better be careful or he'd pop a blood vessel at this rate.


“Bummer. Well, anyways, we got a new assignment, and the General told me to let you know, just in case you were buried in paperwork. Also that he had to make you a second holomail box to contain all the mail you were getting."


“... Thank you Waxer. Please leave.” Cody didn't even have the helmet to hide the despair that was slowly creeping onto his face.


“You got it. Think about the kids, yeah?” Waxer said cheerfully.


The door shut with a hiss. Cody buried his face in his hands and screamed. Quietly. Okay, kind of loud. Probably not loud enough to be heard outside, but with how jumpy shiny troopers are, he might've been. 


Cody picked up the tablet with the orders on it and sighed, mentally figuring how to make it through the battle with minimal casualties. He planned as much as he could with the time constraint, but not much could be done till they arrived and he could survey the situation himself.


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