Setethfuckers Rise Up @fishorse
Snoop Dog

You have been living at Garreg Mach Monastery for 3 months now as a knight of Seiros, and you are quite proud of it; however, there is only one thing that you have been desiring for the past month or-so: that being the Archbishop’s advisor’s sweet ass mcnuggies. Not the ones in which are made from chickens; these ones are nice, round and anatomically attached to his backside.

It all began when Seteth delivered to you a report in particular about one of your daily patrols: one of the students had been smoking weed, and Seteth asked of you to research what the kids meant when they kept screaming “snoop dog”, for he did not know that the students had a stray dog named snoop. 

As he handed you such task, he bent down to pick up some papers, and that’s when you saw it: his swiggity swoogity. His holy land. His double hills. His ass. His private little cottage in new jersey. And on that split second, you were gone: the overwhelming desire came over you, and only one thought remained in your head.

This man really doesnt know who the fuck is snoop dog.

Also you really want to peg him.


As the days went by, your life became more and more miserable every day you did not catch a glance of Seteth: Patrolling the monastery grounds, filling up paperwork, hunting down people who werent catholic for Lady Rhea’s amusement, setting people who werent catholic on fire for Lady Rhea’s amusement... you’d hardly see Seteth or his nice ass or his pea-sized brain. That is, until today.

During the morning, your higher-ups had ordered you to go to Seteth’s office: apparently, he had updates on the “snoop dog” incident. As you head towards his office, you begin to sweat cold: you haven’t spoken directly to him since then. Will you be able to handle His Assness?

As you enter in the room, Seteth glares at you, no emotion visible, completely serious. He stands up from his seat and begins to pace around.

You slam your hands against his desk, making him flinch, and as you stare deeply into his deep verdant eyes, you spill out what one could call the most beautiful love confession that anyone has ever heard; angels come down from heaven to listen to your flowery words as each one of them reach Seteth’s ears, touching him at his inner core. That’s right, Shakespeare aint got shit on you, nothing can beat the true love one feels towards a complete dumbass.

By the time you close your mouth to take a deep breath, Seteth is already on the verge of tears. Before you are trapped in confusion and anxiety, he brings your lips against his, clashing against each other with a bang. Mostly because you also clashed your foreheads together and it was with such brutal force, your forehead is bleeding.

As the kiss broke, Seteth took a shaky breath.

-The last time I had heard such beautiful words, they came from my wife....

Oh shit he’s married. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fu-

-....may the Goddess have her, but you... you have awakened me once again.

Oh okay she’s dead. Nice.

Oh shit he’s married. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fu-

-... How did you know that I have always dreamt of being pegged?- He asks in fear. And he’s right- how DID you know?? But none of that matters anymore, as you bring your lips to his once again, your bodies mashing together like mashed potatoes or that mash kid from Fate. 

Oh okay she’s dead. Nice.

There is no bed in Seteth’s office.

Actually, WHERE does he sleep?

As you look at him puzzled, he stares back at you in confusion.

-What’s the matter? You’ve never met anyone who sleeps atop their table? It does wonders for your back.

You know this is when you are truly mc fucking done. You throw all of Seteth’s stuff into the floor (Except his collection of crystal poodles, those you place carefully atop a shelf), and you gently place him atop the table. You are topping this man today no matter the circumstances.

You fiddle around your pockets for a while, and you finally find what you are looking for: a small bottle of kitchen oil (you never know when someone throws you a surprise cooking party and they run out of oil), and your portable strap-on, which you carry with you at all times. Your pegging instincts demand you to do so. You are but a mere mortal among the pegging gods. You fool.

As you start undressing Seteth off his robes, he stays more and more quieter, taking heavy breaths and staring at your sweet, bleeding face, as if savoring the moment you are both sharing. This shall be a moment passed down into history, the day Seteth the Hardass becomes Seteth the Not-so Hardass.

As soon as you get him naked, you coat your fingers in kitchen oil and prepare to allow the passage to his inner gates. But as you are about to do it, he shyly holds your wrist. You look at him, in slight confusion.

-Before we progress any further...-He starts, looking away in shame. -...There is something you should know about me. A secret I’ve long intended to hide to protect not only myself, but all those around me. I trust you deserve to know the truth. Please come closer.

As you bend over, body shaking in anxiety and mind clouded with fear, he moves forward slightly and, in a hush, whispers:

-I am a bottom princess.

Oh Yes.

This is when you decide to throw caution to the wind; you coat your entire hand into oil, and as you position yourself to breach into the one magical place of your innermost desires, Seteth seductively whispers:

-Do it as if I were a turkey on thanksgiving.

Oh Yes.

Seteth laughs at your confusion.

-Once I declared myself a Bottom Princess long ago, I decided to live up to my role. What your hand is in at the moment is one of the many chambers inside my Bottom Princess castle, that is not including its village and its inhabitants.

Holy fuck.

You really love this man.

As you carefully coat one of the rooms in oil, you quickly proceed to coat the next one, and the next one, until finally Seteth’s entire Bottom Princess kingdom is lubed; the poor miniature maids living inside of the castle would have to clean it all up. Quietly, you hope they unionize and get better working conditions. 

As you take your hand off Seteth’s magic kingdom, you make a motion for him to turn around on all fours. With a nod, he does as you command.

You really love this man.

His sincerity and tragedy touches you to the verge of tears as you put on your strap-on. He doesnt solely need pegging into his ass; he deserves someone pegging his heart.

You finally put it in, and as Seteth’s body shivers, you hear the miniature citizens’ echos of cheer inside his entrance. You start to slowly pump, finally holding onto the holy land: you have finally conquered his new jersey, after all these days, all those patrols, all that manhunting. It almost makes it all worth it.

You unconsciously go faster, his back pooling with the blood coming from your forehead. My god that’s a lot of blood, but fuck that you are pegging Seteth and that’s what matters. Seteth starts to moan and you feel yourself going faster. Suddenly, however, you realize you are going so fast you are breaking the barrier of time and space. You are pegging Seteth at the speed of sound, you got places to go, you gotta follow your rainbow.

You had never expected that you’d go this far with Seteth, the Archbishop’s advisor, the entire monastery’s worst nightmare. It truly makes you think- sometimes, people aren’t as bad as they seem to be. Maybe if we put our differences aside... the world would be a better place. Maybe one day Fodlan might be able to get along with Almyra- Hell, maybe if the chance was given before, maybe the Duscurr tragedy would’ve never happened, nor Dagdar prior to that. Maybe sometimes all you need to truly know someone is to see who they truly are on the inside other than-

-I’m... I’m about to release the capital to my citizens...

Oh shit Seteth is about to come.

Now is no time for slaking, it’s time to make your Bottom Princess proud. You accelerate your hips as Seteth moans higher and higher, his entire back now covered in your blood but GOD HELP YOU SO that’s NOT IMPORTANT now. You wrap one of your hands around his dick and pump it quickly as the other holds onto one of his back bouncy orbs for support. Your vision starts to get hazy, your breath shaky, until, finally, both of you collapse. Seteth, out of pure bliss.

You, due to severe blood loss.

You wake up in the infirmary. You know that because the first two things you see as you sit up are Seteth’s strained smile and Manuela passed out on the floor holding a bottle of vodka on each hand. He holds your arm, his smile fading quickly and being replaced by his usual scowl.

“Do rest more. You have been asleep for an entire week due to harduous strain and severe blood loss. It truly was a miracle we didn’t lose you.”

You, due to severe blood loss.


You wake up in the infirmary. You know that because the first two things you see as you sit up are Seteth’s strained smile and Manuela passed out on the floor holding a bottle of vodka on each hand. He holds your arm, his smile fading quickly and being replaced by his usual scowl.

“Do rest more. You have been asleep for an entire week due to harduous strain and severe blood loss. It truly was a miracle we didn’t lose you.”

The pegging gods. They truly are watching over you. Bless them.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

1. Snoop Dog 1744 4 2