An existence is much different from a life. An existence is defined as the 'fact or state of living or having objective reality' while life is defined as 'the existence of an individual human being or animal'. The major difference is that a life ends with death while an existence continues on beyond death. An existence doesn't have an inevitable expiration date like humanity. With humanity you know that you will die at some point between your birth and the next hundred years, it's a sure fact, but with an existence you can go on for centuries, millenniums without the thought of death as a possibility. For most like God and Death and other primordial beings dying isn't a concern, only something to worry about when brought to your end and your existence is brought to a different realm.
My existence began before the flood, while God had Noah building an ark and was planning to rid the earth of the humans that he had deemed defective, he rose Death, my father, from his coffin. Before the flood Death was alone, the only bringer of death. All life went through him to the beyond, whether it be taken to heaven, hell, purgatory, or the empty. With his temporary reprieve from his confinement my father took a page out of God's book and created me, the first reaper. I was to be his earthly presence, I would reap the souls, go to them instead of the souls going to Death.
Coming into existence is not like how a human comes to life. There is no drawn out process of conception, growth and birth. It's not loud or messy, there isn't even a moment of awakening. My coming into existence was simple, one moment there was nothing, no thoughts, no sight, no concept of anything and then I existed, much like most would picture the big bang. One second there's nothing and the next there's a fully formed entity. At first it was quiet, nothing but dead air around me and then Death appeared before me.
"You shall be my daughter, my earthly presence. You shall stay here when God deems my task complete and continue my duties. I shall call you Thana." My early existence was not about learning and being told what to do, but merely knowing and being supervised.
"I have created you as my equal. You contain all of my abilities and shall foresee all that may come and all that will pass. I create you to bring a balance, as I am locked away, you shall be free. As God creates life, then you shall take it. Where God and his angels seek light and life, you shall seek darkness and death. Do you understand, my daughter?"
"Yes Father, I understand completely."
I aided Death in reaping the souls of the defective humans that had come to control the earth. The task was great and before God sent Death back to his coffin to remain with his brothers till he wished to call upon him again, he allowed Death to create more, more like me, and he named us reapers. The ones that came after me were not the same, Death had created me as an equal while those created after were created to be inferior and left under my command.
Much like God created a system for bringing life, I created a system for bringing death. As there was a Kingdom of Heaven, there was a Kingdom of the Veil. As God wrote the beginning to every life, I wrote the end. For everything that was good, there was something tragic. The universe contained a balance that had been missing, a balance that had been disrupted when God and his archangels locked away the Darkness. God was not happy with Death's creations, but he knew better than to act against us. God learned from his mistakes and allowed myself and the others to exist because unlike the Darkness we didn't threaten to destroy his petri-dish, just sought to keep the balance.
Also unlike the Darkness I found the humans intriguing and through that God and I were able to find an almost friendship as we worked together to write the stories of each soul that he brought into his world. Through him I learned the value of the free will he bestowed on his human experiments, but also saw the downfall as some chose wrong time and time again. Their emotions were what intrigued me the most. Reapers were capable of emotion, I knew that first hand as I had experienced the disappointment and sadness of my father being locked away once again, but we also understood that our work allowed no place for emotions as we understood that our task had to be done no matter the pleading or wrongfulness of a soul's death.
God and I worked together weaving together lives for a long time. We created great stories, God brought romance, adventure, happiness and discovery while I brought tragedy, failure, depression and loss. For some I let God have his way, lives made up of mostly happiness and bliss, while others saw more of me in their lives as they suffered loss and tragedy. As time passed God began to understand the need for darkness in a person's life, that with the darkness came a greater happiness once the clouds passed.
I hadn't realized it immediately, but soon understood that with that understanding God no longer needed my presence when creating a life and with the chaos that followed Lucifer's fall God left, abandoned his creations, at least that's what they thought. He distanced himself from them and myself, but I understood. Like any creator he had to face what he had created and God was not completely happy. His favorite son had been corrupted and he'd been forced to deal with the imbalance that he had created with the banishment of his sister into the confines of a cage locked within the earth much like my father. God was very much like a human toddler, learning what worked and what didn't, he had to learn that not everyone could be spared from darkness, but he still refused to release his counterpart from her earthly confinement, instead choosing to send his favorite son into hell in a hope to save the others.
At many points I pitied God. He didn't want balance, he only wanted good. He understood the need of the balance, but refused to take the steps toward achieving it for the sake of his selfish desires. There was nothing that I could do to change God's mind, but I continued to my task, the purpose bestowed on me by my father and brought balance to the universe.
Many of God's creations thought him dead, thought him too great of a creator to leave them without guidance. Others thought it was a test, that God was passing on the reins to his kingdom to see how they continued on without him. I was the only one to know that God was not dead and he was not testing his creations, but hiding from them, hiding from the responsibility that he felt to them. Only one of God's creations thought to come to me. This creation was Michael and I spoke to the Michael from many of God's worlds. They all came to me asking if God was dead. I never lied to them, I informed them all that God was not dead. Many took that answer and left. If they stayed the next question was if God was testing them, again I would answer no. With that most of the Michael's would leave. Only one Michael ever asked one more question.
"If Father is not dead and not testing us, then what is he doing, Thana? Please tell me this." Michael begged and my curiosity was peaked. Of all the Michaels to come to me only this one truly desired to know what was really happening. God had done something else when he had created this Michael, this Michael was not like the others, he was angrier, more determined to know the truth. Something about him sparked my interest and I leaned forward, curious to his reaction to the truth.
"Your Father is hiding, Michael." This Michael was aghast.
"Hiding! But from what would my father need to hide? Whatever seeks to go against our Father, my brothers and I shall raise arms against." Michael declared angrily as he raised a fist in an attempted show of strength.
"Young Michael. You can not protect your Father from which he is hiding." I consoled, but Michael did not understand.
"But from what does he hide?" Michael pled and I took pity upon the angel.
"From himself and his failures, Michael." Michael's face grew stony.
"His failures? He's hiding from his creations?" Michael asked and I nodded.
"He sees us as his failures?" Michael asked and he was growing angry once again.
"Not just your world Michael, but several. Your Father has yet to find the answers that he seeks, the answers that fix his failures." Michael remained angry, but gave a tight nod.
"Thank you, Thana. Your answers have been enlightening." With that Michael fled. I would watch for years to come as that Michael would search out world after world to discover his Father's other failures as he searched for his Father. With each world that he discovered he in turn destroyed, a small token of revenge against the Father that had abandoned him for selfishly choosing to hide from his failures while such failed creations were forced to live with their own failures. His true intentions were dark and I couldn't help but hope that God would allow Michael to find him, so Michael could get the answers he deserved and if not then that he would at least put Michael out of his misery.
Though Michael was the only creation to ever ask me about God, he was not the only one to ask for my counsel. Each hell worked towards starting the apocalypse, each leader of hell, most of them being Lilith and Azazel came to me asking for my assistance or asking that I stay out of the fray, each one always afraid that I would pick to go against them, tipping the scales away unfairly in their minds. Each was as unoriginal as the last, coming to me and speaking promises of raising my father, of granting me more power, all promises that they had no way of keeping once the Apocalypse began, but making them none the less without the knowledge that I held. I would always smile and tell them each the same thing.
"If I wished for the Apocalypse to commence, if I was as desperate for my father's presence as you believe? Don't you think that I would have started this war a long time ago?" They would always pale, realizing their mistake in coming to me and quickly leaving when I dismissed them. They never seemed to realize the existence of the other worlds, never knew that I got small glimpses of my father through them, I knew one day that one of the worlds would succeed in opening my father's coffin and I would see him again, I would be able to stand down and let my father take the throne that belonged to him long before God cast him into his coffin as a weapon in a cage.
Unbeknownst to anyone, I had a favorite of God's worlds. No it wasn't the questioning Michael's and it had nothing to do with my father. My favorite world had nothing to do with the people and creations within it, it wasn't perfect, but the reason for it's imperfection is what drew me to it. God's original world was my favorite, the one he had created with pure intentions before he had become aware of the flaws and had become frustrated with his failures. The original world was where I came into existence and the only world that God had allowed complete free will to all of his creations, not all of the creations in the original world realized what they had, but I knew and I loved to watch them. Each creation had a script just like every world that came after, each person had a mission intended for them, but what they didn't know is that they could go off script at any given moment and take control of their lives with just one decision. God was a writer, but he had never desired to be a poppet master and with every script there is the opportunity of making it your own, of tweaking it just a little bit that it changes perception. This world is my favorite and it never let me down, it only took two young men to realize the power of free will and to throw out the script that had been laid out for them and so many others. This is the world that I decided to take the very thing that father hadn't bothered to give me. Within that world I took my own free will and worked behind the scenes to get the world to see not only the apocalypse and the arrival of the horsemen, but also to see itself through the apocalypse and into a future beyond it.