Disclaimer: I don't own the show, anything related to it, or characters from the show 'The Originals' and I don't know who does but the thing is it's not me...
I wasn't going to post this chapter 'yet' because I changed sectors but I'm cool with it. I'll make this the basis to finish 'Autem' or add to 'By Degrees' maybe.
The story is AU-ish, it has some canon to it. The characters are likely ooc and I wrote a little smut with some plot.
He feels bad. More than that actually but he doesn't think there is a word for what he's feeling, yet.
Maybe it hasn't been invented and if this feeling keeps it up he might go down in history as the person who came up with it.
Still, he feels bad.
About what happened, his inability to stop it and what has transpired since then...
There's a distance now.
Everyone knows because it's daunting in a way and no one really wants to talk about it.
A difference in him as if everything that made him happy just vanished into the air and now there's just a void.
Even though his older brother has made it undeniably clear that what happened was in no way his fault on more than a handful of occasions.
He can't help it and he doesn't know why. He knows it should be because they're family but that's not it, at least not completely.
Had it been Rebekah or Niklaus.
Elijah or one of his parents...
As fucked up as it sounds, he knows for a fact that he would have stopped caring as much. If at all by now but it wasn't any of them.
"What are you looking at, Kol?" Finn asks as he cleans his sword by the water but Kol knows he's not really waiting for a response or looking at him.
"I'm sorry." The words are just above a whisper but he clearly sees Finn tensed as he made them out.
"Just, stop staring. It's unnerving little brother." He knows what Kol is trying to say but he won't acknowledge the words.
It was not his fault and he doesn't hold it against nor resent him.
"I have to go. Father's taking me hunting in the morning. Come home in an hour. Please, don't do anything foolish. Just listen to mother or Elijah."
Finn glanced at him for a couple of seconds after having spoken but he doesn't do or say anything else and just begins to leave him alone.
"Hey. Wait!" Kol grabbed his arm before he had a chance to walk further away. "Take me seriously, for once in your life. Please."
"I always have. You may be a trickster, a difficult at times... person to deal with but I...have to go."
Kol doesn't know what to say because there's something here.
Or at least that's what he thinks because his pulse is racing and his instincts are telling him to stop holding back.
"Be careful and come back to me, safely." He feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders as he stands here waiting for a response to words he actually doesn't feel weird about saying even though he knows a different person probably would have.
But everything is good because Finn smiles at him slightly, it's a start even though he tells him to stop touching him a few seconds later.
The day Finn found out that he knew, he confronted him about having heard him crying himself to sleep and Kol told him that doing that every night since the accident wasn't healthy.
That was the day he stopped and began sneaking out at night.
Kol follows, always silent in his ventures with practiced stealth. The place is almost always the same.
The site where it happened.
A few years have passed and his eighteenth birthday is quickly approaching.
Just a couple of hours ahead but he doesn't care about that right now. He feels cold as hell but is not wanting to go back home just yet.
He thinks that he should have at least brought something more suitable to the situation than some loose clothes and a dagger instead of his sword.
Finn took out his sword and began practicing for his kills. The technique is actually quite simple but effective and efficient.
Things were much better when he had his magic.
Now he just feels empty and embarrassed because Elijah is much better than he should be with a blade.
He hates everything about this new life.
Oh, he's started to categorize everything before and after the 'incident'. He knows it probably is not the wisest choice but he can't help it.
He feels worthless and unfit for command now. Elijah can take and keep the role now, it's not like he ever wanted it to begin with.
He hates killing things for 'sport' and thinks people should apologize then thank the creature(s) who's life they took so they could feed.
"I really suck at this." He jumps a little at the noise of branches cracking. He wants to face-palm because seriously...
"Who goes there? Show yourself. Had you been an animal you would have already attacked." He points his sword in the direction he assumed the noise came from and waits a little.
He just doesn't want to attack, much less kill anyone tonight.
"Finn, it's me. What are you doing out here and at this time of night?" Elijah made himself visible with a sort of slow elegance to his movements.
"I need to practice my stance. Father's taking me hunting in a couple of hours." Finn tosses his sword aside and sits down as if he's ready to start meditating.
Elijah sits across from him and looks around like he's expecting someone else soon.
"Are you waiting for Tatia?" He asks but doesn't need an answer. Elijah looks too excited for this to be a random stroll.
Or a meet up with trees.
"That obvious? We're trying to keep this a secret for a few weeks more." Elijah looks around for a second then pulls his hands up to his face.
There's a nice breeze out but he thinks he should have brought a tunic to wear over his clothes instead.
"What is with the cloak? You trying to draw suspicion upon yourself...what is to happen in a couple of weeks?" Elijah looks at his clothes and shrugs as if he just woke up like this and it's not really something he's worried about.
"I found it... Well, no. And I am preparing to tell our parents that I wish to take Tatia as my wife." Elijah looks as if he has just revealed the secret to life or something and Finn smiles because he supposed that this is great news.
Niklaus is not going to like this though. He's been pinning after the same girl since he met her.
"Oh, congratulations. Have you told Niklaus, Kol or Rebekah of this joyous news yet?" He asks but doesn't pry much because he doesn't care since it doesn't really pertain to him.
"No. They wouldn't keep the secret for more than a couple of minutes." Elijah looks a little troubled at the mentioned of their younger brother but not enough to actually seem like he feels bad.
"Why tell me?" The question seems to catch him off guard but Elijah answers without taking a moment to actually think on it.
"I trust you. But what are you doing awake or outside. If you're going hunting you'll need all the energy you have to keep up with father. Trust me."
"I'm not going back to sleep this night. I'm too bad at this to be at peace with it." Finn sees no reason to lie about this so he doesn't.
"Tell you what brother. I'm on the same boat when it comes to dealing with magic. So I'll help you out if you teach me how to handle it." Elijah thinks that this proposal actually is a stroke of genius because it's like knocking out two birds with one stone.
"I hate hunting."
"I hate magic."
"So we understand each other." Elijah stands up as he asks the question but it feels more like a statement or an already thought out plan.
Finn glanced at the sword next to him then looked at Elijah and sighed because he's got nothing better going on at the moment or anything to lose. "You have a deal."
Elijah cut into his wrists and clutched the earth under his fingers. He refuses to shut his eyes from the sight before him.
Blood ran down his hands and onto the ground while the wind picked up.
The second he actually looked away to blink because the exertion was getting to the point of actually beginning to hurt him.
He feels himself relax as he hears Niklaus gasp in surprise and their father say the words 'well done.'
Elijah opened his eyes after having stood up. For a second he isn't actually sure if he's accomplished anything but he looks ahead of him and sees the herd of cattle laid dead at his feet.
"Well done, son."
His wrists won't stop bleeding but he has a balm for that. He just needs to get this conversation over with so he can go home and get it.
"Yeah...I'm grateful for this opportunity to show a small amount of my skill. I learned from the master, Ayana truly is a great teacher." Elijah spoke the praise Finn had requested of him as his only condition.
He didn't want their father or anyone in the family for that matter to know that he had been teaching Elijah for some weeks now so he had asked Ayana to join them to supervise his progress.
He's been a monster for what feels like a couple of months now but in reality it's just been about two weeks.
A 'vampire' is what everyone in his family has taken to calling it.
Niklaus had the bright idea to kill their mother off early on into their 'transition'.
When he figured out two things.
One, she was a whore who cheated on her husband and two, he was a bastard child born of sin and decadence.
Apparently though that wasn't the biggest shocker of life. Everyone soon found out that he is something new, a splice-like creature.
One not quite monster or beast. He's something that's both but Kol isn't afraid of him.
It must suck super hard to be him right now though because he's currently chained up to a pole-like structure everyone remaining in the family has taken to calling a palisade.
He's stuck with that and it's all thanks to Elijah, courtesy of the father's command.
He'll 'visit' him later, right now he just wants to be comfortable here.
Kol had been minding his own business just standing near a stone wall that was more like a giant smooth for the most part rock that is leaning sideways a little to the point of basically tilting.
The place isn't far off from the woods or his house but it looks secluded enough to leave him in peace for the time being.
He's just looking at his fingernails while wondering if he should try building a fire.
He hadn't seen him coming, had been left with no real time to react when Finn kissed him roughly against the wall.
Not sure what was supposed to be happening but not willing to let the opportunity pass him, he opens his mouth as his tongue meets Finn's and his hands are on his ass while his brother entangled his fingers through his hair.
"What are we doing?" He says this as he wants to stop talking because he's wanted this for a while now and he thinks it's bizarre but exciting that he isn't the one to make the first move here.
"I don't know..okay I do but I'm not willing or wanting to stop, you?" Finn backed up a little to catch his breath even though he no longer believes he needs to but it's a force of habit and he needs Kol to think about this situation quickly.
"No" The second Kol is done talking Finn pulls his shirt off and tosses it nearby.
He kisses his chest slowly while traveling on a downwards path as his brother's erection stands out to attention.
"Good but you should come to terms with the fact. We'll be sinners" He stops halfway down and Kol just wants him to continue but he understands what his brother is feeling and saying so he doesn't push much.
"Being an angel's overrated and boring.Really boring." The way Kol looks at him as he says this is something that he actually didn't expect because it doesn't feel as if he's trying to say this in a condescending way.
He backed up a little and sat on the floor because his back already hit the wall. "I like being boring, it's safe. Predictable and comfortable."
"It suits you" Kol wants to face-plam because smooth but it's fine. He just hopes his next words don't come out this fucked up.
"...I'm trying to compliment you here. I'm just saying the first thing that pops into my head. In a way, I'm flattered and so turned on by the fact that you're here now. But I can't make you stay if you don't want this." Kol looks at his hands and is relieved that they're still on him.
"No, it's not that. I just want to do 'this' before I come to my senses and chicken out."
"We're both well aware of what we're doing, what we desire-"
"You're still so young, I'm practically stealing you off the cradle. Sick, I bet there's a special place in hell for me."
"Us. And stop right there. I'm... I'm old enough to know what I'm doing. Trust me, I've had a considerable amount of practice."
"I should know and do, better than this. You will regret it in time. I've opened you up to depravity." Kol laughs as he looks down at himself and Finn blushed at the situation.
"Naughty thoughts, Finn." Kol leans forward a little as he attempted to whisper sensuously but Finn pushed him back and he groans out the words. "They should be followed by something equally reckless."
"If I abandon decorum now..." He looks at Kol with an unreadable expression when he puts his finger to his lips as if telling him to stop talking.
"I will never regret anything if it means you're safe, happy and here with me." Kol looks him in the eyes as he says this and he feels vulnerable.
"We can start over, if you want but I like the hiccups. They give what we have 'character', damn that sounds really lame."
He feels more exposed than actually being naked but he doesn't mind because he's not lying to himself or Finn.
"Fine." Finn glanced at him for a couple second as if contemplating his next move deliberately after having spoken the word a little louder and with more conviction than he had expected.
"Fine." Kol doesn't look away from him when he touches his shoulder like he's testing the waters gingerly and kisses his lips slowly.
"You have options. Choices." Finn breaks away just to say this and Kol knows he should focus on listening but he doesn't care because he just wants to kiss him again.
"You. I chose you, so live with that. Always and forever. See what I did there, eh. Seriously though I've made my choice and I won't back down just because you don't like it."
"Um no. Be serious here and where did you hear those words? They sound familiar for some reason." Finn thinks he has heard them somewhere before but he doesn't concern himself with the fact that he can't remember when exactly.
"Elijah was being all weird with Klaus so I asked Rebekah what that was about. Apparently, we are now cool enough to join their little rank."
"Ah..okay, I guess."
"You don't plan on applying, do you." It is not even a question at this point but he doesn't mind replying.
"Good, neither did I." The answer caught him by surprise but Kol must have a reason for not wanting to join.
"This is far from perfect but it is something I will remember."
"Maybe it's a way to tell us we don't belong-"
"No one ever has to know but I..." Finn kissed him again but this time he knows why he's wanted this for so long.
"Are you allowing me to do this because you are feel guilty about something that wasn't your fault?"
"No, I'm not that nice. My empathy has a limit when it concerns anyone else but I don't pity you. And I hate that you think this."
Kol pulls his pants up a little because this is getting embarrassing but he doesn't zip them and just sits down.
"I want you. Believe it or not, I say the 'or not' because ever since the accident... You've been doubting yourself and I don't like that."
Kol looks at the dirt around them and he thinks he can hear crickets not far from here so he continues because Finn hasn't said anything.
"With or without magic. Human, monster or something in between." God-damn he's pouring his heart out here and he can't believe he actually likes that it's so easy to do this with Finn.
For the first time in his life he thinks this may be more than a simple attraction but he pushes that thought aside.
This isn't love, it is.
But he's not in love.
This is a game.
He's good at that.
Fuck. He just had to ask.
Finn looks vaguely confused and Kol looks at him as if he's not about to take those words back or give a better explanation anytime soon.
"We need a couple of ground rules."
Kol laughs but stopped himself because this is serious and he's willing to play his game if it means they can take this further.
He is guessing he should start because Finn looks lost in thought.
"I don't share. It's that simple. I won't share you with anyone. That's my condition for this to work." Kol doesn't look like he wants to let up on his words but now that he has said them aloud it seems a little selfish.
He doesn't care.
"Once you're mine. You'll stay that way. It's not like I think you'll leave me for the first pretty thing that walks your way..."
He thinks he should shut up now but ends with the words. "I just want you for myself, I'll own it. So what do you think?"
"You can sleep with whoever you want, just don't hand out your heart freely. I don't want you to suffer if they end up disappointing you." Finn sits back a little as if he's easing into actually attempting to relax slowly.
"Love is pointless if you're not on the same page as your mind or ambitions. Trust me, I don't love anyone but you or our family. Too much effort, it's disgusting." Kol doesn't look like he is joking about what he just said so Finn takes the words in stride but acknowledges their depth.
"So, anything else."
"We're going to have a little fun. I'll make you happy." Kol doesn't mind the fact that he is half dressed in the middle of a clearing.
Shame has never been for him but he doesn't mind if Finn's a little shy or defensive about this.
"Only I can make myself happy, the same goes for you."
"You know what I mean and am trying to say here. So quit making yourself miserable and just kiss me." Kol vamped forward to stand before him but it kind of backfired and he ended up crashing into him instead.
It was not easy to do this whole moving all quickly but it was not that bad and Finn laughs because this has not gone as smoothly as he thought it would have had the situation been under different circumstances.
"We can be forever, even if it has to be a secret."
"I accept, so you can't take it back now." Kol follows his gaze as he spoke quietly when Finn looks at his eyes.
He pulls him forward after a couple of seconds then tells him they need to find a place a little more secluded but Kol says it's fine because people rarely walk this way.
With a half a second to hesitate and actually ponder this both leave caution in the wind and just go for it.
"Have you...with a guy before?" Finn won't judge him if he says he's been with half the village if it comes to that but he knows his brother's actually really particular when it comes to certain things or people.
"No, a couple of guys have offered...you know...orgies...But I just..I wanted you...Have you? You know what they say about the quiet ones. I'm kidding...I don't know, you've been a little distant. Is there someone else?"
Kol feels a little embarrassed for the first time since he's started being 'active' because everyone knows he's been around but he doesn't see judgement or disgust in his brother's eyes.
Finn shakes his head slightly and both are aware of the fact that it's almost dark outside. Nightfall isn't far off but they could come up with an excuse if it comes to that in the morning.
Kol kisses him for a couple of seconds as he begins to touch him slowly because he wasn't lying when he said this was something he wants to remember.
"I want you to go first so I think I should prepare. I'm not sure how I should go about doing this properly but I'm confident that I can learn, in time. Lean back, I want to explore." Kol complies as he makes sense if the words and his face is heating up.
He can't help but close his eyes when Finn touches him as if testing a theory but he moans when he feels his brother begins taking him into his mouth and his nails dig into his hips with enough force to break skin.
It stops way too quickly for his liking and he wonders if something is wrong because nothing is happening anymore.
"Finn, what is it?" He asks as he sits up, looks around with alarm because maybe someone is lurking around and they'll be caught.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." The veins under his eyes are showing but he can't help it as he wipes at the blood with his fingers because it isn't much and Kol is looking at him as if mesmerized when he puts them to his mouth.
"What, this? It's nothing, in fact I kind of like it." He laughs as he shakes off the sudden nervousness that was creeping up at the thought of Finn wanting to end this.
"Alright then, I'll keep that in mind. So..I'll keep going."
He knows that Finn isn't sure if he should take it that far but he looks him over quickly then decides to change tactics slightly and bites into his inner thing as Kol mumbles the words "By all means, please do."
After the bite marks heal he moves off a little but Kol stops him by touching him delicately as if implying that he can break or something and he appreciates this even though he doesn't really like the fact that he probably seems a little nervous.
"If it's as bad as I think it is, the pain should not last long and we're vampires so it probably won't be long before it starts to feel better."
Kol's words bring a little comfort and he's the one to suggest and begin this so he won't complain.
"I'm ready and not sure if it's what someone would say at this point."
He gets on his hands and knees and he feels a little foolish but Kol isn't making jabs at him or jokes at his expense so he takes a deep breath and waits with his eyes closed because it just seems appropriate.
"I'm as nervous about this as you. So, you're not alone here." He feels Finn tense up a little when he touches his lower back gently.
He knows that he should go try going slower but he wants to forget that thought ever crossed his mind because the second he enters him he can hear Finn attempt to stifle a groan.
He wants to see him come undone this instant and he thinks from this moment forward he will relish the fact Finn's his forevermore.
"You can move now. This feels like an eternity." Finn wants to touch himself because Kol's hand is moving too slow for him and it's starting to become somewhat unbearable.
Kol doesn't move any faster than before as he thinks it's too early to actually set a quicker pace but he tugs on his brother's cock a little tighter just to mess with him a little.
"Complain all you want Finn but I'm not taking any chances on this being a bad experience. You feel absolutely divine though."
He moves in then out halfway and he knows that if he doesn't speed this up Finn will make his experience torture but he can't help but actually look forward to that.
"I want you to move or we're not doing this again." Kol whimpers when Finn backed up a little and he hates that he is not completely sure if his brother is bluffing and making the most of this now.
"Finn, I was trying really hard...here but fine. You win, I'll fuck you like some girl at one of the gatherings. Hey you what, no. You're on par with me so all boundaries are gone."
He increases the pace and scratches at his back harder than he would have originally preferred but he won't let up because he's done trying to be all civilized or a gentleman about this.
"I'll make you cum, repeatedly. And try out some fun stuff I learned from a couple of the neighbor girls. Just don't complain when you can't walk right in the morning."
By the time he begins to wake up the sun is shining high in the sky and Finn is tangled up, caught in between his half on clothes and under Kol's weight.
They'd rushed to put them back on in case of potential interruption or disturbance. It was honestly a half-assed precaution.
"I will protect you, always." The gentleness but convicted way Kol used as he whispered the words is something Finn doesn't think he can get used to but secretly wishes he could hear more even if he knows he shouldn't take or allow this to go further.
And they've gone pretty far as it is already.
Now he just needs to kill the moment and hope Kol doesn't catch on to what he's doing.
"That burden should belong to no one but myself." Finn yawns then speaks after having run a hand over his face because the day is too bright for him right now.
He looks sleepy but completely at ease with the words and Kol's face against his chest.
"I'm a mess." He's surprised that his whole body doesn't hurt but he gets over it when he remembers why.
He isn't human anymore.
"Yeah." Kol looks him over quickly and smirked sheepishly because he did a fantastic job at his expense last night. But Finn looks a little embarrassed because he didn't think he would actually attest to this.
"What? I can't agree now..." Kol stretched a little after having stood up and just goes with his gut by saying the first thing that pops into his mind. "I think you look perfect."
"It's not that but thank you. I need to clean myself up before I-before we go back. If anyone questions, I'll say that I asked you to accompany me for a walk. They'll buy it if you insult me a couple of times."
"Why would I do that? It's fucked up and I don't want to."
"Because. If someone finds out...if something happens, I have to make sure nothing can sell you out. You'll need an alibi and what is more obvious than love."
It dawns on him and he thinks it's genius but wrong.
"Hate. Oh, I understand. Fine. I'll be what you want but don't take what I say to heart. Promise, now."
"Fine, you have my word." Finn smiles as he sits back and he thinks that Kol kisses him slowly and without hurry just to seal the deal. "How odd, you require a kiss as if you're taking my word with a grain of salt."
"No, I require something a little more drastic of you, Finn." Kol's words carry on through the space around them and the veins under his eyes are beginning to show as his fangs extend.
"Name your price." Finn offers his wrist and mumbles the words while Kol bites into his flesh harshly but he doesn't mind because he looks a little apologetic, he hadn't meant to do that.
Blood is dripping down his chin and onto his chest as he licks his lips. "Another round. We don't have to finish this 'walk' just yet."
Finn stands up and pulls at his clothes to give the impression that he's trying to fix them but they're covered in blood and dirt.
"We're getting cleaned up first. On second thought...we're dirty now."
Kol licks at his finger as he catches the implication. He's made the right choice here and just hopes Finn won't regret this in time.
"Yeah, we are..."