Evil Phineas @thecartoonfanatic01
Agent P's New Mission

A/N: Damn, I remember loving writing out this chapter! The gag of Rodney's real name, Norm's mannerisms, the whole debacle of Doofenshmirtz trying to prove his evilness to his colleagues... Lemme tell you, it's one thing to see all of those running gags on the show and laughing at them, but it's truly another thing to write out those same things on my own! I loved the humor so much, and it had such an impact on my memory, so I guess that's why everything and everyone was so in-character.

Plus, it was fun deconstructing the formula of the Perry-Doofenshmirtz subplot for the first time. That, on its own, took a whole new level of meta-humor to pull off.

Alright, I'm done reminiscing! ENJOY!


Chapter 3 Summary: Perry is assigned to fight Doofenshmirtz and L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.F.I.N. again by Major Monogram. It's just another average fight, nothing more... or is it?


Little did anyone know that Perry had made his way towards the Fireside Girls clubhouse. As he did, he watched the meeting progress, and he smiled at Isabella and Ferb's efforts to cheer Phineas up. He, too, hated to see his owner so down, and he appreciated the two for finding ways to help Phineas move on from the tragedy. And he wished he could help; when Django suggested that they recreate every invention Phineas and Ferb have done all summer long, Perry immediately wanted to stand up and give them his locket, the only means of doing so within minutes, but he remembered that he had a secret life to maintain. And speaking of which, his wristwatch had started beeping a few minutes ago, explaining his absence at the end of the meeting.

Approaching the wooden wall of the clubhouse, Perry stood on his two hind legs and pressed a hidden red button, and a small hatch opened in the wall. Jumping inside it, the platypus couldn't help but feel that a pair of eyes was watching him as he did so. Dismissing the feeling, Perry landed smoothly on a flat platform that began descending down a glass tube.

After a few minutes of waiting, Perry felt the platform stop and another hatch opened in the glass tube. Stepping through it, Perry found himself in his headquarters underneath the Flynn-Fletcher house. Seating himself in his red chair, the secret agent watched as the colossal face of his superior, Major Monogram, filled the large screen in front of him.

"Good morning, Agent P," Monogram said in his stern voice. "As you know, yesterday you and several other O.W.C.A. agents saved the Tri-State Area from the clutches of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. Now, our spies have seen all ten L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. members doing something in the DEI building, never leaving at all. Whatever they're doing inside, they appear to be constructing something, and we fear that the organization is planning a revenge scheme. So, we are sending you to lead a squad of O.W.C.A. agents into DEI and investigate the matter. The rest of the squad should be waiting for you at DEI. Good luck, Agent P."

Perry, as usual, saluted his boss, confirming that he was ready to serve.


Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

Perry rolled his eyes at the sound of the DEI evil jingle as he dropped in from his rocket car. Landing smoothly on the concrete sidewalk, out of sight from pedestrians, Perry looked into the alleyway and saw his squad: Pinky the Chihuahua, Kenneth the Kitty, Herman the Hedgehog, and Terry the Turtle.

"Perry!" barked Pinky. "Over here!"

Perry strode towards his squad, and greeted all four agents with the secret O.W.C.A. agent handshake.

"So," Perry chattered, "ready to kick some bad-guy butt?"

"YEAH!" the other four agents growled out in response.

The five agents then procured their grappling-hook launchers and fired them towards the DEI balcony. Pressing a button on the launchers, the five agents were pulled up into the penthouse. Upon reaching it, the five agents entered the room, where they saw nothing but darkness.

"Hey!" hissed Kenneth. "Where'd L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. go?"

Suddenly, five sets of robotic arms thrust themselves out of the darkness and each set grabbed an agent and pulled at their limbs, limiting movement. Perry chattered angrily, realizing that they had fallen into another of Doofenshmirtz's pathetic traps.

"SURPRISE!" Indeed, Doofenshmirtz and his nine cronies stepped out of the darkness, all wearing their best megalomaniacal expressions.

"So," announced Doofenshmirtz to the agents, "do you like my traps for you, agents? I thought that after I made that epic mess-up with that accursed snail agent I should make a trap that's suitable for all agents of all sizes, and the trap that best fits the bill would be robotic arms!"

"Okay, Doofenshmirtz," Rodney said, "enough of all these explanations. It's time that we enact our scheme!"

"Don't boss me around, Rodney, that's my job!" berated Doofenshmirtz.

"For the last time, Doofenshmirtz," exclaimed Rodney angrily, "I prefer not to be called 'Rodney'! I'd rather be called by my full name: Aloyse Everheart Elizabeth Otto Wolfgang Hypatia Gunther Galen Gary Cooper von Roddenstein!"

"Whatever. I will get on to the scheme, but first, I have to explain what it is to the agents!"

The other scientists groaned in disbelief. Kenneth turned to Perry and hissed, "Does this happen every day?"

"Yeah," chattered Perry in response. "If you were me, you'll have gotten used to it already."

"Oh please, Doofenshmirtz," said a bug-eyed scientist. "That's just gonna waste time!"

"Look who's talking, Croachaye," replied Doofenshmirtz, "surely you do that to your arch-nemesis!"

"No, I don't," the scientist called Croachaye replied.

"Huh? You don't?"

"Nope. Neither do the rest."

"Really?"

The nine scientists all nodded. Doofenshmirtz's eyes widened in surprise. He never expected his fellow L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. members to follow a different pattern in fighting their arch-nemeses. "Well," he said, "what do you do after you trap your arch-nemesis?"

"Simple," replied Helmetair. "We just enact our scheme already."

"Already?"

"Already," replied Diminuitive.

"And you guys get thwarted still?"

"Those agents always seem to have the best of luck," Rodney said.

"Don't worry about that, those robotic arms are proofed of every possible method of escape. I had Tancien check it, isn't that right, Tancien?"

"Yep," replied an elderly scientist, coughing. "All proofed out!"

"Alright then. Start up the Turn-Everything-Evil-Inator, Sharpeard!"

"Yes, sir," replied a scientist with light-brown hair at the temples and a beard that ended with a rather sharp-looking goatee as he turned on the lights, illuminating the device that Monogram said they were working on.

Perry's eyes widened, for he remembered that Inator well. Doofenshmirtz once constructed it weeks ago in order to turn him into an evil ally, but instead, a gelatin monster was apparently created from it instead of Perry being turned evil. However, Perry managed to defeat the gelatin monster and short out the Inator, and all was well. But now that the Turn-Everything-Evil-Inator has been reconstructed, Perry didn't know what Doofenshmirtz and L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. have planned out.

"Soon," Rodney said evilly, "soon I will become truly evil, and soon, I will lead L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. in a glorious conquest of the Tri-State Area! Yes!"

"At least I know the scheme now," thought Perry.

"Hey, wait a minute!" exclaimed Doofenshmirtz. "I'm the one who's supposed to be hit by the Turn-Everything-Evil-Inator, not you, Rodney!"

"No, since we fired you as our leader, it shall be I who will assume the position and lead L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. And by the way, for the last time, do not call me Rodney! Call me Aloyse Everheart Eliza-"

"Shut it, Rodney! It will be I who will become truly evil, not you!"

Rodney smiled. "Oh, yeah? WATCH!" The big-headed evil scientist turned to the scientist named Sharpeard, who had taken control of the Inator. "Sharpeard! Hit me with the Turn-Everything-Evil-Inator!"

"No, Sharpeard!" Doofenshmirtz cried. "Hit me, your leader!"

Sharpeard's eyes flew back and forth between Doofenshmirtz and Rodney. "I thought we fired you as leader, Doofenshmirtz."

"JUST HIT ME!" yelled Doofenshmirtz.

"NO, HIT ME, SHARPEARD!" Rodney cried. "AND I'LL GIVE YOU A WELL-DESERVED REWARD!"

Meanwhile, the seven other evil scientists have fallen asleep out of boredom, while the five O.W.C.A. agents watched on with disinterest. Perry randomly took a glance at the robotic arm taking a hold of his right arm, and saw that it was tearing. With a mighty pull, Perry broke his arm free of the trap, catching the other agents' attentions. Perry then yanked himself free of his trap with ease, and the four others followed suit; the robotic arms were undoubtedly wearing off. Fortunately for them, no one was noticing as the squad of agents silently sneaked over to the Inator.

"HIT ME, SHARPEARD!" Doofenshmirtz roared.

"NO, HIT ME, SHARPEARD!" screeched Rodney.

"NO, HIT ME, NOT HIM! HE'S A COWARD!"

"HE'S THE BIGGER COWARD! HIT ME!"

"I'M NO COWARD, RODNEY!"

"DO NOT CALL ME RODNEY, FOR THE LAST TIME! CALL ME ALOYSE-"

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FULL NAME, RODNEY! HIT ME, SHARPEARD! THAT'S AN ORDER!"

"I say we play a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to settle the matter!" interjected Norm, who had just arrived in the room, holding a tray of food and drinks.

"GET LOST, NORM!" shrieked Doofenshmirtz.

"Right away, sir!" And with that, Norm optimistically left. Still, no one had noticed the agents reaching for the self-destruct button implanted on the Inator.

"Guys," Sharpeard said, bored, "argue all you want, but I quit on making the choice on who to hit. Pick someone else to do the job."

Walking away from the Inator, the evil scientist suddenly noticed the escaped agents.

"THEY'VE ESCAPED!" yelled Sharpeard, stopping the agents in their tracks.

"WHAT?" Doofenshmirtz and Rodney exclaimed simultaneously, while the seven other scientists came to full attention and stood up.

"How'd they escape?" asked Bloodpudding.

"I don't know," replied Doofenshmirtz. "I asked Tancien to check on the robotic arms-"

Doofenshmirtz suddenly remembered Tancien's slight senility and slapped his forehead. "AW, POOH!"

"Well, good going, Doofenshmirtz," Rodney chided. "You entrust the job of checking the quality of those robotic arms to the eldest member of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N.!"

"Remember, Rodney, none of you didn't point that out to me."

Rodney opened his mouth to say something, but he realized that Doofenshmirtz was right and slapped his large forehead as well. "AW, SHOOT!"

Perry knew that this was his chance to end the mission. Charging for the self-destruct button, he was about to reach it when he stopped and stared into the Inator's barrel. Helmetair had managed to take control of the device.

"You know," the female villain said, "maybe we should zap these agents first before they thwart us. That way, once we take over the Tri-State Area, we will have the might of several O.W.C.A. agents standing behind us! It's all foolproof, and no could be any wiser!"

The rest of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. looked at each other and nodded in agreement, approving of Helmetair's plan. Rodney, on the other hand, looked at Doofenshmirtz rebelliously.

"That should've been our scheme all along, Doofenshmirtz!" he said.

"Well, don't blame me!" replied Doofenshmirtz.

"Yes, we blame you," Helmetair said. "None of your schemes always seem to be good ideas. I'm surprised that we took orders from you previously."

"Previously?"

"My goodness, Doofenshmirtz," said Croachaye, "we fired you as leader, remember?"

"Oh, that's right."

As L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. continued to converse amongst one another, Perry charged for the self-destruct button again. Helmetair noticed this and, in a motion of panic, accidentally turned the Turn-Everything-Evil-Inator out of the window and fired a single laser. Perry then activated the self-destruct mechanism, and he then jumped out of the same window the laser flew out of and activated his parachute. His five comrades followed suit, and every agent got out just in time, for the penthouse disappeared in a cloud of smoke and Doofenshmirtz's "CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS AND O.W.C.A.!"

"Mission complete," thought Perry.


Back at the DEI penthouse, the smoke began to clear, and a dirt-coated Doofenshmirtz walked towards his now demolished Turn-Everything-Evil-Inator, once again wading in the swamps of defeat. Once again, Perry foiled him; this was probably the hundred-something time he had to watch the platypus fly out of his roof while he had to suffer the destruction of his Inator and sometimes also his lair down below. The evil scientist was starting to become sick of this regular routine.

But for now, he had other problems to worry about.

"DOOFENSHMIRTZ!" roared Rodney.

Doofenshmirtz looked at his L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. members, all coated with dirt as well, faces masked with utmost fury. He knew that he had done it this time.

"This is the last time we're gonna get thwarted by a mere bunch of animals, Doofenshmirtz!" cried Diminuitive, angrily shaking his fist at Doofenshmirtz.

"Look, fellas-" began Doofenshmirtz, but he was cut off by Rodney.

"NO MORE, DOOFENSHMIRTZ! Every time we formulate a scheme to take over the Tri-State Area, those animal agents always thwart us! It's surreally ridiculous! And we can't stand it anymore!"

"You're always being thwarted by animals even if we're not grouped together, Rodney," Doofenshmirtz pointed out.

"ENOUGH WITH THIS RODNEY CRUD! CALL ME ALOYSE EVERHEART ELIZABETH OTTO WOLFGANG HYPATIA GUNTHER GALEN GARY COOPER VON RODDENSTEIN!"

"That's exactly why I call you 'Rodney', Rodney. Your name is-"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" roared Sharpeard, silencing both Doofenshmirtz and Rodney. "Doofenshmirtz, he's right! Those animals are always thwarting us! And unless you can find a way to get rid of that organization once and for all, we're disbanding L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N.!"

"WHAT?" exclaimed Doofenshmirtz. "You can't do that, I founded it!"

"And we have the right to leave," replied a blue-haired scientist.

"Yeah, Dr. Blair's right!" a large scientist said. "We have the right, Doofenshmirtz!"

"Easy there, Dr. Bulkare!" Doofenshmirtz said. "I will find a way to get rid of the O.W.C.A., I promise!"

"Well," Rodney said, "we're not participating in anymore of your schemes until the O.W.C.A. is out of the way! And we're off, everyone!"

"No, no, wait! Wait, fellas, please wait! No, wait! WAIT!"

But it was useless. The nine scientists have already marched out of the door and closed it behind them. Doofenshmirtz just stood there, mouth hanging open in shock. He then slumped down beside the wreckage of the Turn-Everything-Evil-Inator and sighed heavily.

"Norm," he called glumly after several minutes.

The robot marched over to Doofenshmirtz's side. "Yes, sir?"

"Activate my Rebuild-My-Lair-Inator."

"Yes, sir."

However, before Norm can leave, Doofenshmirtz called out for him again. "Wait, Norm?"

"Yes, sir?"

Doofenshmirtz sighed, for he knew that what he planned to say wasn't going to be easy, and he also doubted that Norm would be able to know the answer. But he wanted to spill out his feelings, and no one else was available in the trashed room, so he decided to go just go with it.

"Norm, am I evil?"

"What makes you ask that?" replied Norm.

"It's just that, well, I've been thinking. Every day, I think up of a brilliant scheme, and I am about to enact it when Perry the Platypus comes and thwarts me and saves the day. And after what happened minutes ago, I've found out that this isn't because luck keeps following him, but that I'm not following the classic 'evil villain formula'. Instead of enacting my scheme already, like they say, I just ramble on to Perry the Platypus about it, or make some other distraction or be oblivious to a flaw in my plans. It was as if I was waiting for him to make some brilliant Houdini-style escape plan and foil me. As if I was counting on him to do so! And he does it! Sure, I'm affected by my failures, but I don't improve on the next day even though I say that I need to do so! And I'm thwarted again, by some stupid thing I do! And if that doesn't break aforementioned formula, then this does: I care for my daughter very much! Villains only care for establishing dominions, not their families! But for me, whenever I look at Vanessa, no matter how old she is, my heart just melts as I see nothing more than herself as a little girl. Does that classify me as 'good'?"

Norm just stared at his master and creator for a moment before replying, "No, but that doesn't make you evil either."

"What does that make me, then?" asked Doofenshmirtz.

"Judging by what you said to me about your battles with the platypus, you're just stupid."

"HEY!"

"Sorry, sir, but that's the truth."

"And what about what I said about Vanessa? What does that classify me as?"

"I'm not sure. If I were you, and I approached this pondering, then I'd just go for my gut."

"Go for my gut?" Doofenshmirtz gave his robot a skeptical look.

"Yes. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go activate your Rebuild-My-Lair-Inator."

And with that, Norm marched away, leaving Doofenshmirtz with his own thoughts.

"Go for my gut."

Norm's statement, as cliche as it sounded, brought wonder to Doofenshmirtz. He had heard this phrase lots of times before, ever since he first arrived in the U.S.A., and he long knew what it meant from his ex-wife Charlene, but never before did he have to find himself conform to this statement, 'going for his gut'.

Should he become good? Doofenshmirtz was leaning on that choice, seeing as he was only doing this because of his terrible childhood, where he was mentally abused by his father, shunned by his mother, and overshadowed by his younger brother Roger. And he also remembered all of the good things he had done in his life, even with Perry.

But when he thought about Perry, he remembered what Rodney said about the fact of being thwarted by animals being ridiculous. He then remembered all of the times he had to be stranded in his wrecked lair, wallowing in his defeat, while Perry flew off into the sky, triumph in his grasp, good having won the battle again. It suddenly made him angry, realizing that being thwarted by a platypus meant that he was a miserable failure. He then reminisced about a particular time his father called him a schnitzel after he couldn't perform a mere high-dive. If he couldn't perform a high-dive, then a platypus can thwart him easily, and this infuriated the evil scientist more, knowing that he couldn't defeat a mere animal.

The moment Norm strode into the room, dragging the Rebuild-My-Lair-Inator, Doofenshmirtz exclaimed to him, "NORM! I'M GONNA DO WHAT YOU ADVISED ME TO DO! I'M GONNA FOLLOW MY GUT! AND THE GUT I'M FOLLOWING SAYS IN BOLD LETTERS, 'BRING DOWN PERRY THE PLATYPUS AND THE O.W.C.A. ONCE AND FOR ALL!'"

"Good luck with that, sir," replied Norm optimistically.

"Why, thank you N-" Doofenshmirtz began, but he realized that sarcasm was laced in Norm's voice as the robot made his latest one-liner. "Hey! What d'you mean by 'Good luck with that, sir'?"

"You can't seek help from L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. anymore. They expect you to bring down the O.W.C.A. before they can rejoin you."

Doofenshmirtz smirked and crossed his arms.

"Just because I can't get help from L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. doesn't mean that I can't get help from anywhere else."

"Where d'you expect to find someone evil, sir?" Norm asked. "All the villains you were associated with beside L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. are now incarcerated, according to your data."

"Then I'm gonna have to find someone new," replied Doofenshmirtz.

"How d'you expect yourself to find a villain? They're not that plentiful, and judging from what I saw from those Saturday morning cartoons, they tend to keep themselves at a low cover."

"I know. That's why I put 'Evil' on my sign. Someone's gonna eventually see it, and realize that they're not alone. And soon, we will join forces to take over take down the O.W.C.A. and conquer the Tri-State Area!"


Meanwhile, somewhere at Danville...

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Khaka Peu Peu was sitting on his chair at his apartment complex, watching his beat-up television set, when he spotted the DEI sign out his window.

"Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, huh?" he thought. "Maybe I should check it out. If it is what I think it is, maybe I can take down those two kids that thwarted my attempt to give Danville the worst day ever, thank you very much!"

Khaka was about to tiptoe to his closet when his wife called out to him.

"HEY, KHAKA!"

Khaka sighed. "Yes, honey?"

"ACCOMPANY ME TO THE CHAIR STORE SO I CAN GET MORE THROWING CHAIRS!"

"Sure, honey," he groaned.

Suddenly, a chair appeared and hit Khaka straight in the face.

"OW!" he cried. "What's was that for, honey? I said I'll accompany you!"

"THAT WAS JUST FOR FUN!"


Original A/N: Bet you didn't see the part with Khaka coming. By the way, no, he won't be an antagonist of the story; he was just included for a joke.

Now, I want to say that in my previous chapter, I said that I would try to throw in a subplot revolving around a one-sided Ferbella into the story, but since I have a lot of subplots already, I didn't know if I should do it. However, the subplot I had in mind is very promising, so I'd like to say that I've decided to put the duty of deciding onto the shoulders of the readers/reviewers (a.k.a. you)! So, please tell me in your review if you'd like to see that subplot in the story or not. The majority wins!

And now, onto the reviews:

Stinkfly3: No, Phineas hasn't been zapped in the chapter. But now that I had the Turn-Everything-Evil-Inator fire a laser out the window, I guess Phineas is now zapped.

Sugar n' Spice Princesses: Thank you for your review! I also liked the fact that I threw in Django into the story, because he's one of my favorite minor characters.

Brandon-The Real Spyro (chapter 2 review): Thanks for the review, it's so inspiring for me! I'll be sure to keep up the imagination!

Brandon-The Real Spyro (chapter 3 review): Again, thanks!

NattyMc: I'm glad to hear you're still following this story! Please continue to follow it and review!

Larry (unsigned): Thanks! Here's my continuation!

Zikmaster (unsigned): Thanks! Here's the update you wanted!

Seven reviews. And this brings my total reviews to 18! It may not be much, but at least it's more than four times the amount of the story's chapters, so that's saying something.

Well, hope you enjoyed this chapter! TheCartoonFanatic01 is out. PEACE!

New A/N: Yeah, Khaka Peu Peu was another gag that I just loved and had to fit into the fic somewhere. Man, seeing all of these running gags bring back memories... :')

Now, I'd like to thank the following for reviewing:

-Bezerker21: Yeah, I think even the fifteen-year-old version of me acknowledged the fic got a little too dark for his own tastes at some point. But, like I said, I was pretty much an emo back in high school. Nowadays, if I'm going to get dark with my writing, I pick a fandom that's more suited for that kind of tone.

-PhinabellaForLife22:

1) Thank you! I think it certainly helped that when Phineas gets mad, HE GETS MAD, as certain examples can attest to. It gave me an opportunity to explore what he'd be like being OOC without the OOC behavior being too in-your-face.

2) Well, don't give up! See what you can come up with! :D

-Air-Crafter: Ah, I'm assuming you're a new reader? Either way, thank you! The next chapter should be quite a read for you! And believe me when I say it'll be quite a read... ;D

Well, hope you enjoyed this re-released chapter! TheCartoonFanatic01 is out. PEACE!

Anonymous reviews have been disabled. Login to review. 1. Prologue 2184 0 0 2. Happy Birthday, Dad 2248 0 0 3. Cheering Phineas Up 3274 0 0 4. Agent P's New Mission 3553 0 0 5. A Different Phineas 2917 0 0 6. How It Happened 2790 0 0 7. The Award Ceremony, Part 1 of 2 3548 0 0 8. OWCA Under Attack, Part 2 of 2 3962 0 0 9. Doofenshmirtz's New Ally 3107 0 0 10. Busted! 4437 0 0 11. Difficult Compromises 4650 0 0 12. The Googolplex Mall 5873 0 0 13. No Way Out 4059 0 0 14. New Hostages and New Members 4172 0 0 15. Tough Choices, Part 1 of 3 5963 0 0 16. Escape from DEI, Part 2 of 3 6350 0 0 17. Downfall, Part 3 of 3 4574 0 0 18. There's Always Hope 5295 0 0 19. Terrible Futures and Other Dimensions 7542 0 0 20. The Battle for Phineas, Part 1 of 5 7928 0 0 21. A Big Storm, Part 2 of 5 8885 0 0 22. Love Against Hate, Part 3 of 5 6957 0 0 23. Stopping Phineas, Part 4 of 5 10137 0 0 24. The Last Word, Part 5 of 5 13149 0 0 25. Aftermath 5050 0 0 26. Memories Lost Again 4501 0 0 27. Two Unexpected Visits and an Odd Inator 3399 0 0 28. Surprising Revelations 2771 0 0 29. The New Plan 2022 0 0 30. Big Problems and a Bomb 2034 0 0 31. Life or Death? 1743 0 0 32. Carpe Diem 3358 0 0 33. Perry's Final Stand 1908 0 0 34. One Last Mystery 3792 0 0 35. Epilogue 4205 0 0 36. New Epilogue 3648 0 0