A/N: Good God, things have not been going well for me the past week. No, I'm not sick with the coronavirus. No one in my family is. None of my friends and acquaintances are. But rather, I'm just bored. And tired.
That's right. Bored and tired.
I am not entirely sure why. I strongly suspect it's due to me not exercising a lot recently. Ever since my home state was put under lockdown because of the COVID-19 pandemic, I have rarely needed an excuse to venture outside. I exercised using my family's elliptical and stuck to a sleeping schedule during the first couple of weeks. But after a while, I got lazy for reasons I can't fathom and didn't do a lot of physical activity ever since. All I've done for the past month or so was sit in front of my laptop to write these fics, brainstorm new story ideas, surf around YouTube and the Internet, do my final assignments for college... You know, the works.
I guess the lack of physical activity has left me in this state of perpetual exhaustion. And now, it's showing in the amount of content I actually write per day. I've barely made progress on my ongoing fics. I can only write a few hundred words at a time if I'm lucky. Writing has become a bit of a dreaded chore for me, which is stunning for a guy like me. The best I can do at this point is review, refine, and re-post these salvaged chapters.
Now that I've clearly noticed and acknowledged the problem, I'm going to try and solve it by going back to the patterns I tried to adhere to initially. I've actually begun committing to that yesterday. Hopefully it works out well for me. Follow my profile for any updates on how I'm doing in that regard. I will try and keep you all in the loop as frequently as possible.
Alright, I think I'm done rambling. On with the chapter. ENJOY!
Original A/N: I was originally gonna update this earlier, but for some odd reason, these so-called 'browser cookies' kept interfering with the login process. Fortunately, my computer-savvy dad was able to solve the problem and the project is once again proceeding as planned!
Now, I present to you Chapter 6. ENJOY!
Finally, Candace doesn't invade the Author's Notes.
P.S.: Due to the ever-worsening situation regarding the coronavirus outbreak, I'm going to have to remind you all about the basic steps you should take if you want to stay healthy, courtesy of my university's reminder emails:
-Wash hands often with soap and water for 20-30 seconds at a time, and/or use hand sanitizer
-Avoid close contact with people who are sick
-Keep your hands away from nose, eyes, and mouth (I can't imagine how difficult this part is probably going to be)
-Eat well, get adequate rest, and exercise regularly
-Get a flu shot if you haven't already and are able to
And if you ARE sick (I hope you get better if you are), please be a good sport and save other folks the trouble of getting sick. You can do this by:
-Covering your mouth and nose with your sleeve, elbow, or a tissue whenever you sneeze or cough
-Not sharing food and drinks with others
-Avoiding touching your mouth, nose, and eyes (Again, I understand this is probably going to be difficult)
-Avoiding close contact with others
-Cleaning and disinfecting surfaces and objects
-Staying at home if you're unwell (PRIORITY NUMBER ONE!)
-Staying calm and keeping yourself well-informed (My personal advice)
If you already know this, then great! If you didn't know any of this beforehand, please keep that information in mind as we all go through this trying time. It's a realm of unknowns at this point, and I wish myself and all of humanity well.
Perry the Platypus slid down the tube leading towards his underground base. Obviously, he had been assigned to another mission involving the nefarious yet hilariously clumsy Doofenshmirtz. Landing on his crimson seat, the platypus agent looked up at his gargantuan screen as it filled itself with the face of Major Monogram, looking as stern as usual.
"Uh, good morning Agent P," greeted the major. "Doofenshmirtz is up to something dastardly. We want you to put a stop to it. Before you ask, we actually don't know exactly what scheme Doofenshmirtz has cooked up for today, for our spies are currently unavailable, but considering that he is active on a daily basis, we assume that he has a plot up his sleeve anyway. Good luck, Agent P. Oh, and remember that your medal ceremony is this evening, so I look forward to seeing you there."
Perry, surprised by the lack of explanation on what to do for today, just loyally saluted his superior and ran towards his hoverjet.
As he flew towards Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, Perry mused about what kind of scheme Doofenshmirtz has for today. Maybe he's in a brother-hating phase and has created an Inator designed to ridicule his law-abiding brother, and mayor of Danville, Roger. Or maybe he's gotten sick of his allergy to cats and designed an Inator to get rid of the felines forever. For all the agent knew, Doofenshmirtz probably, and finally got to his senses and constructed an Anti-Perry-The-Platypus-Inator. Anything could happen; the possibilities were endless. But when Perry saw the DEI building come into view, he didn't expect what was in his face.
The penthouse, Doofenshmirtz's headquarters, was completely annihilated.
Jumping out of his hoverjet, Perry landed on the floor of Doofenshmirtz's laboratory and found Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz himself, weeping on the floor, sounding hilariously like a girl. The scientist was covering himself with his trademark white labcoat, which was now dusty and grimy. The moment Perry chattered to catch his arch-nemesis's attention, Doofenshmirtz immediately jumped up defensively and was standing so upright that Perry couldn't distinguish the evil scientist's usual slouch.
"Perry the Platypus!" exclaimed Doofenshmirtz. "Oh, that is SO funny! You decided to take a laugh by destroying my headquarters with your super-awesome secret-agent Perry the Platypus-ness, did you?"
Perry didn't know what Doofenshmirtz was talking about. All he did was fly to DEI and see that it had been destroyed. The platypus shook his head in response, but that didn't convince the evil scientist.
"Oh, don't lie to me, Perry the Platypus! Your lies can't convince me. In my days in Druelselstein, they called me the Human Lie Detector! Anyway, do you know how much hard work I have to go through whenever you destroy my lair? It's so HARD! Which is why I built my Rebuild-My-Lair-Inator!"
He gestured to a smoking pile of rubble that Perry flinched at.
"But thanks to you, I'm gonna have to rebuild my Rebuild-My-Lair-Inator, which I will then use to rebuild my lair! That's double the work! And what's worse is that my family is coming over for dinner, and my mother is the kind of person who expects a clean environment waiting for her! Once again I will receive disapproval from my mother, disapproval that should be directed at that annoying do-gooder Roger instead! And it's all thanks to you, Perry the Cruel-apus! Curse you, Perry the Platypus, curse you! And I mean it this time! Wait a minute, 'curse you, Perry the Platypus' isn't good enough! Here's something better: you're a BAD arch-nemesis, Perry the Platypus! You're the worst arch-nemesis EVER!"
Perry's beak dropped open as the power of Doofenshmirtz's last sentence hit him with full force. Despite his clumsy, not-so-evil attitude, Doofenshmirtz was still capable of saying some evil, mean things. But never before had the platypus heard something this hurtful come from the scientist. Doofenshmirtz apparently didn't seem to care.
"Now leave, Perry the Platypus! Leave before you make things more worse than it already is!"
Perry took heed of Doofenshmirtz's words and jumped off what was left of the DEI balcony and onto his hoverjet. Flying away, Perry looked back at the wreckage that was the DEI penthouse and saw Doofenshmirtz waving his clenched fist at him in anger.
"CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!" called the villain. "AND I MEAN IT THIS TIME!"
When Perry's hoverjet went out of sight, Doofenshmirtz stalked towards the remains of the Rebuild-My-Lair-Inator and began picking up the pieces, all the while musing about what just happened. He didn't regret a thing he said to Perry. After all, it had been hard work to rebuild his lair many times and it had been equally difficult to construct the Rebuild-My-Lair-Inator. But obviously the accursed OWCA caught on to his actions, believed he was doing some more wrongdoing, and sent in the platypus to mess things up for him again.
Speaking of which, it had been recently hard on Doofenshmirtz, having to suffer countless defeats at the hands of Perry the Platypus. When the evil scientist first received Perry as an arch-nemesis, the first several defeats at the hands of the secret agent were obviously agitating and a blow to his pride, but after the summer began, Doofenshmirtz started getting used to it all, even enjoying it on some occasions. But after a while, Doofenshmirtz's detest at his defeats came back again when he came to successfully predict the pattern of his fights with Perry and when he also started yearning for a victory of his own. But those two reasons couldn't match up to the third and biggest reason of it all: the fact that he, a fully-grown man, was being defeated by a mere platypus! How lower can one get than THAT?
"Gr, I hate that Perry the Platypus," snarled Doofenshmirtz to himself. "I've gotta defeat him once and for all. But what to do..."
"You can go to your LOVEMUFFIN and ask for help," Norm suggested, appearing beside his creator.
"Norm!" Doofenshmirtz exclaimed. "How'd you survive that explosion!"
"I was hiding in that closet over there." The robot pointed at a room, which was no doubt the closet as it was the only part of the penthouse unscathed by the destruction.
"Hm. Go figure. Anyway, what'd you suggest again, Norm?"
"I suggested you go to LOVEMUFFIN and ask for help."
"The League Of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally United For Frightening Investments in Naughtiness," elaborated Norm.
"Ohhhhhhh, that LOVEMUFFIN. I thought you were talking about some muffin-loving club. I guess I haven't been attending any recent meetings. Anyway, good idea, Norm! How come I didn't think of it sooner?"
"Because you were busy thinking to yourself as you picked up the pieces of the Rebuild-My-Lair-Inator for no good reason."
"There was no need to answer my question, Norm."
"Don't call me 'Dad'."
"Dad, what happened here?"
Doofenshmirtz and Norm turned around to see Vanessa, Charlene, Roger, and Mr. and Mrs. Doofenshmirtz standing at what was left of the doorway.
"Oh, hi Vanessa!" greeted Doofenshmirtz. "Say, maybe we should reroute that dinner to Roger's, huh?"
"I knew it," Mrs. Doofenshmirtz said. "Heinz can't even manage his own house."
"If any of the neighbors ask," replied Mr. Doofenshmirtz, "say he's just a troubled friend."
Doofenshmirtz let out a growl that wasn't noticed by the other Doofenshmirtzes as Roger escorted Mr. and Mrs. Doofenshmirtz to the elevator, while Vanessa and Charlene remained.
"What happened here, Heinz?" asked Charlene.
"It was Perry the Platypus, Charlene!" Doofenshmirtz exclaimed angrily. Charlene just chuckled, obviously not believing her ex-husband.
"Oh Heinz, I've always loved your sense of humor. Now, I guess we'll just go to Roger's, then."
"No, wait Mom!" cried Vanessa. "Look at what Dad did to his place! I told you he's evil!"
"Oh, come on Vanessa," replied Charlene, sighing heavily, "just because your dad's place is nothing more than a smoking pile of rubble doesn't mean he's evil. Maybe it was some sort of gas explosion. Heinz, you should check your house for safety!"
"I'm telling you, Charlene, Perry the Platypus did this!"
Charlene just laughed again. "Oh, so funny. Well, me and Vanessa will go to Roger's and we'll all wait for you while you sort things out with the repairmen. Come, Vanessa. Oh, by the way, hi Norm!"
"Hi, Mom!" Norm replied.
"How's that robotic arm of yours doing?"
"Great! I'll see you at Uncle Roger's!"
Vanessa sighed at her latest failure to bust her father, but obeyed her mother's orders and followed her to the elevator where Roger and Mr. and Mrs. Doofenshmirtz were waiting. Doofenshmirtz, in the meantime, scoffed as his family stepped into the elevator.
"Really, Norm?" he said to the robotic servant. "You call my ex-wife 'Mom' and Roger 'Uncle Roger'?"
"What? You're my dad, so I have a right to call the rest of the family 'Mom' and such."
"For the last time Norm, I'm your creator, not your father."
"Just shut up, Norm. For now, we've gotta go to LOVEMUFFIN."
"What about our appointment with the repairmen?"
Doofenshmirtz sighed. "You just don't seem to get it, do you?"
Doofenshmirtz parked Norm, who was in his vehicle form, into an empty space in the Danville Arena parking lot, which read 'Reserved for LOVEMUFFIN members'. The evil scientist stepped out just before Norm transformed into his robot form. In an instant, a hovermobile came into view and settled on the same parking space, apparently crushing Norm in the process. Doofenshmirtz grimaced upon seeing the driver as he stepped out: Aloyse Everheart Elizabeth Otto Wolfgang Hypatia Gunther Galen Gary Cooper von Roddenstein, a.k.a. 'Rodney', his arch-rival as an evil scientist.
"Well, well, well," Doofenshmirtz said, "Rodney. Look at what you did; you crushed my Norm."
"Well, good for you," replied Rodney tauntingly. "And FYI, it's Aloyse Everheart Elizabeth Otto Wolfgang Hypatia Gunther Galen Gary Cooper von Roddenstein."
"Yeah, like I care about your full name, Rodney. Now, shoo."
Rodney stuck his head up in a snobbish position as he walked towards the Danville Arena. When Rodney was out of sight, Doofenshmirtz looked down at the hovermobile's underside and saw that Norm had flattened himself in order to prevent being crushed.
"Norm?" asked Doofenshmirtz, shocked. "I never knew you were able to do that! I really need to read your instruction manual sometime..."
"Yes, yes you should," Norm replied as he crawled out from under the hovermobile.
Doofenshmirtz and Norm walked toward the doorway into the arena and spotted a man sitting at a desk next to said doorway.
"Name?" asked the man.
"Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz," Doofenshmirtz replied. "I'm a member of LOVEMUFFIN. Here, here's my pass."
He handed the man a card, which he thoroughly examined before shaking his head. "I'm sorry," he said, "but the membership card's expired."
"What?" Doofenshmirtz grabbed the card and looked at it. "Since when did membership cards have expiration dates?"
"Ever since LOVEMUFFIN was founded," replied the man stoically.
"Well, I founded LOVEMUFFIN!"
"But you're not the supreme ruler."
"I founded LOVEMUFFIN! Shouldn't that make me supreme ruler?"
"Says here in LOVEMUFFIN's history records that the current supreme ruler is one Lawrence Anthony Fletcher."
"The ridiculously British man with the dorky glasses?" Doofenshmirtz asked, remembering the time he and Rodney were usurped by him while running for supreme ruler of LOVEMUFFIN. "He's a fraud! The guy was zapped by my Turn-Everything-Evil-Inator, which Rodney had the liberty of stealing and renaming!"
"Well, Mr. Fletcher is the supreme ruler, not you, and your membership card's been expired. Wanna complain? Call Mr. Fletcher."
"That won't be necessary..." a new voice said coldly.
Doofenshmirtz turned to see a man wearing a dark-gray, buttoned-up labcoat with black gloves and identically dark-gray pants (A/N: No, NOT Doof-2), with raven-black hair, slightly pale skin, and brown eyes. A pitch-black raven was kindly perched on the man's shoulders. The bird had a red-eyed glare that Doofenshmirtz always feared under the belief that those disturbingly crimson eyes were following him everywhere. Trying his best to ignore the raven, Doofenshmirtz smiled in welcome.
"Ah, Dr. Cravenblack!" the scientist greeted. "How lovely to see you!"
"Hello, Heinz," replied Cravenblack. The scientist turned to the man at the desk. "He's with me."
"No members are allowed to enter without non-expired membership cards," the man said defensively.
"Not on my watch," Cravenblack said in his most sinister voice. Adding to the intimidation was the raven, whose eyes turned into slits when it stared down the man, who gulped.
"You're in," he squeaked fearfully, trembling. "Both of you. I mean, all four of you!"
Cravenblack smiled in triumph before escorting Doofenshmirtz and Norm into the arena.
"Phew! Thanks for the save, Cravenblack," said Doofenshmirtz.
"Don't mention it," Cravenblack replied, sounding cold but sincere as he and Doofenshmirtz joined a group of other LOVEMUFFIN members. The two immediately spotted two more scientists, one sporting crimson hair and a brown mustache, the other being minuscule in size.
"Dr. Bloodpudding!" Doofenshmirtz called. "Dr. Diminuitive!"
The two scientists glanced at Doofenshmirtz and Cravenblack, both smiling as Doofenshmirtz and Cravenblack sat down beside them. Norm also sat down in the seat next to Doofenshmirtz, albeit with much difficulty due to his large size compared to the small seat.
"Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Dr. Cravenblack!" greeted Diminuitive. "You almost missed it!"
"Missed what?" asked Doofenshmirtz, before he noticed that all the scientists were looked at the central stage. Following the stares, the villain saw that there was a person tied to a chair, apparently unconscious. He looked at Bloodpudding. "What happened?"
"This maniac tried to attack LOVEMUFFIN headquarters," explained the red-haired scientist. "He didn't get much done, for we used our Inators to subdue him. Now, we're trying to interview him, find out what kind of agency sent him to dispatch us and how they found out about us, so we can put up a little ransom. Can't believe this guy thought he can mount a full-scale attack on us by himself. He's just a kid, and yet, he packs a powerful punch. Thirteen villains were downed in six minutes before we could pull the plug on this operation..."
The scientists all watched as two scientists approached the figure seated on the chair. One of them sported light-brown hair at the temples and a beard with a sharp goatee; the other was stout with a slouch much worse than Doofenshmirtz's and had one brown eye, one light-green eye, and unkempt, long brown hair and goatee. Doofenshmirtz identified the scientist with the sharp goatee as Dr. Sharpeard and the stout scientist with heterochromia as Dr. Wackeye. Dr. Wackeye approached the figure and slapped him on the face, waking him up.
"Hello there, little kid," said Wackeye sinisterly.
"What?" the figure asked, confused. "Where-Where am I?"
The scientists all cackled and Doofenshmirtz, knowing LOVEMUFFIN customs, joined in. The cackling settled when Dr. Sharpeard gestured everyone to stop as he circled the figure in the chair.
"You're at a top-secret location-" began Sharpeard.
"The Danville Arena?" the boy asked, shocking Sharpeard and Wackeye.
"What? How'd you know?"
"It says on the sign over there."
Everyone looked at the large sign hanging from the ceiling, which proudly read, 'You are at the Danville Arena!'
"Remind the LOVEMUFFIN board to remove the sign when this is through," Sharpeard whispered to Wackeye, who nodded in response. He then looked at the boy and continued, "That sign is to throw your guard off. You are NOT at the Danville Arena, I repeat, you are NOT at the Danville Arena. Your location is none of your concern, anyway. What IS your concern, though, is that you've been captured by the League Of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally United For...For...For..." He paused for a moment before turning to Wackeye. "I'm sorry, what was the rest of LOVEMUFFIN's real name?"
"Frightening Investments in Naughtiness," completed Doofenshmirtz, sitting up. "I know, 'cause I founded it."
The scientists immediately booed Doofenshmirtz, except for Cravenblack, Bloodpudding, Diminuitive, and a select few of other villains. Sighing with anger at his unpopularity in LOVEMUFFIN, Doofenshmirtz sat back down on his seat, his arms crossed.
"Yeah, what the loser there said," said Sharpeard.
Sharpeard ignored Doofenshmirtz. "The League of Villainous Evildoers Maniablah blah blah."
"Your name is LOVEMUFFIN?" asked the boy.
"Laugh it up all you want, kid," snarled Wackeye, "but that ain't saving you. What we wanna know is how exactly did you find out about our secret organization, and what agency do you work for?"
"I can't tell you," the boy replied fearfully.
"And why not?"
"Because he- YAAARRRGGGHHHH!"
The boy screamed and flailed about in his seat as the scientists watched with shock and confusion. Sharpeard and Wackeye gulped, taking a step back. Suddenly, the boy roared out an inhumane scream and tore away from his bonds, immediately attacking Sharpeard and Wackeye, subduing both. Cravenblack's raven cawed and flew into the air, swooping down and attacking the boy with its bladed talons, distracting him. Bloodpudding seized this opportunity to man his Paralyze-Inator, firing a single laser that hit the assailant and freezing him in his tracks. Recovering, Sharpeard stood up and approached the boy, whose eyes and mouth were still able to voluntarily move.
"LET ME GO! OR ELSE!" the boy screamed in a voice that sounded slightly different than the voice the boy was using while tied to the chair.
"Or else what?" Sharpeard asked tauntingly. "You'll attack us again? I think not. Bloodpudding's Paralyze-Inator's effects wear off in an hour. That gives us enough time to get all the information we need. Now, tell us, what agency do you work for, and how did that agency find out about us?"
The boy cackled. "I don't work for an agency. I work for no one. I'm here on my own agenda."
"And what agenda is that?"
"To get rid of the competition."
"Yeah. Obviously I'm not the only villain in town. But I've underestimated you; I'm quite impressed. Your ranks were enough to overwhelm me into a weak state. All of you could be quite useful..."
"Useful for what?" asked Wackeye.
"My other agenda."
"And what would that be?" Sharpeard asked.
"To commit acts of evil and not stopping until I do get fully satisfied," replied the boy eerily.
"Well, that's LOVEMUFFIN's job, and we don't need any help."
"Tell me, what kind of evil have you all been doing recently?"
Sharpeard opened his mouth to respond, but no sound came out. He then looked at Wackeye quizzically, only to receive a shrug from the other scientist. "A little help here, anyone?" he asked, beckoning to the rest of the villains, who did nothing but mutter in confusion and think about what LOVEMUFFIN did that was classified as evil. The boy smirked.
"Thought so," he said. "And I can help you achieve your goals of wrongdoing. Trust me, an offer like this apparently doesn't come up much to you guys. I suggest you take it while you still can."
"We'd take that deal," replied a scientist from the audience, "but we have to ask our supreme ruler first!"
"And who's your supreme ruler?"
"That'll be me," replied Doofenshmirtz, standing up and gesturing to himself proudly. Unfortunately, he was once again booed by most of the other villains and Doofenshmirtz, grumbling angrily to himself, sat back down and crossed his arms.
"Ignore him," Wackeye said to the boy, pointing at Doofenshmirtz, "he thinks he's in charge of everyone."
"That's because I founded LOVEMUFFIN!"
"Yeah, and Lindana doesn't wanna have fun. Anyway, kid, our supreme ruler is... What's the supreme ruler's name again?"
"Lawrence Anthony Fletcher!" called the man at the desk. "The guy lives at 2308 Maple Drive!"
"Lawrence Anthony Fletcher?" asked the boy. "I know him! He's an...acquaintance..."
"Really?" Sharpeard replied. "Then it'll be easy for you to ask him. He may be our supreme ruler, but ever since he got elected, he stopped attending regular LOVEMUFFIN meetings. He doesn't even make a single order afterwards. I guess that explains why LOVEMUFFIN hasn't been doing anything lately."
"Don't you guys have rules to fire your supreme ruler?"
"Not even a term limit?"
"Doesn't say so in the LOVEMUFFIN rule book. The only way a supreme ruler can be kicked out is if he or she resigns. We haven't received any resignation forms of any kind so far, so as far as we're concerned, Mr. Fletcher is our supreme ruler."
"Oh. Well then, I will ask him! And trust me, fellow villains, you'll have a new ally by your side in no time!"
"Hopefully that happens," a scientist said. "It would be about time something interesting happened to LOVEMUFFIN!"
"Yeah, something interesting," repeated Sharpeard, looking at Bloodpudding. "Deactivate the Paralyze-Inator, Dr. Bloodpudding!" He then turned to the boy. "Okay kid, we're letting you go because your offer sounds extremely promising. But if you try and make any further attacks, just remember that everyone else's Inators are focused on you-" Several scientists immediately focused their inventions on the boy, catching Sharpeard's attention. "GUYS! I told you to focus your Inators on him beforehand!"
"Sorry, Sharpeard," replied a scientist.
Sharpeard sighed before continuing, "Yes, these Inators are NOW focused on you, and ready to fire on you if you attack again-" Numerous humming sounds reverberated around the arena, signaling the activation of the Inators; Sharpeard sighed again at his comrades' inability to recognize orders until the last second. "So, no double-crossing, all right?"
"Got it," replied the boy. "No double-crossing."
Bloodpudding immediately pressed a button on his Paralyze-Inator, and the boy was fully capable of movement again. The scientists of LOVEMUFFIN braced themselves for an attack, but the boy crossed his arms, raised an eyebrow, and tapped his foot.
"What? I'm a person of my word."
"Okay, so we're at equal terms," Wackeye said. "Alright, kid, you're in. As long as Mr. Fletcher approves, that is."
"Dr. Doofenshmirtz here-" Sharpeard said, pointing at Doofenshmirtz, whose eyes widened in negative shock at the task being assigned to him. "-will drive you to this... What's the address of Lawrence Fletcher again, Mr. Secretary?"
"2308 Maple Drive!"
"2308 Maple Drive."
"What?" exclaimed Doofenshmirtz. "But I have a family reunion to attend to!"
"Does it look like we care, Doofenshmirtz?" Rodney asked from the other side of the arena.
"Yeah, what Rodney said," said Wackeye.
"It's Aloyse Everheart Eliza-"
Sharpeard spoke over Rodney, to Doofenshmirtz. "Doofenshmirtz, it'll be you who drives this kid to 2308 Maple Drive."
"Why?" asked Doofenshmirtz rebelliously.
"BECAUSE WE'RE EVIL!" chanted all LOVEMUFFIN members. Doofenshmirtz growled quietly, knowing that he cannot argue with that.
"Come, Norm. We're driving this kid to 2308 Maple Drive."
"Yes, sir," replied Norm, standing up and unknowingly taking his seat along with him.
Doofenshmirtz eyed the boy as Norm drove them both down the street away from the Danville Arena. Now that he was near the boy, the scientist had a better view of the newcomer's physicality. Examining it, the villain noted how much the boy looked a lot like him. Ignoring it, Doofenshmirtz decided to stir up a conversation.
"So, how'd you know where LOVEMUFFIN was located?"
"I-" the boy began, but he fell silent as he thought over his answer. "-saw it on a flyer somewhere."
"Oh. I never knew LOVEMUFFIN passed out flyers. Ah well, I didn't go to any recent meetings. Anyway, what's your name, kid? I didn't catch it."
"The Shadow," replied the boy.
He then closed his eyes and opened them again. Doofenshmirtz nearly yelled out after witnessing the boy's eyes turning from green to blue. The boy then spoke in a slightly different voice, which sounded quite...fearful. "And I'm Phineas."
"Uhhh, oookkkaaayyy... And how will I know which name to call you by?"
Phineas turned back into the Shadow, who replied, "The Shadow's the evil one with the green eyes. Phineas is the pathetic weakling with the blue eyes."
"Okay. Shadow is the one with green eyes, Phineas is the one with blue. Shadow, green. Phineas, blue. Shadow, green. Phineas, blue. Got it. So, Phineas-"
"Shadow, got it. How'd you become evil in the first place? What's your tragic backstory."
"I...I don't know."
It was silent inside Norm, save for the chirping of a cricket. Doofenshmirtz saw a cricket sitting on the dashboard, to which a robotic hand extended out of the radio and slapped the insect, causing it to stumble out of the open window in a daze.
"I got the scary bug, Dad," Norm's voice said from the radio.
"That's...that's it?" Doofenshmirtz asked, ignoring Norm as he looked at the Shadow.
"What do ya mean?" replied the Shadow, raising an eyebrow.
"That's your emotionally scarring backstory, your great tragedy? Dude, that's not even a backstory! That's a nothing!"
"Hey, don't blame me. I just woke up in Phineas's mind and I had evil urges, so I took over his body with ease. That wasn't enough, though, so I cooked up greater goals of evil. Such as taking over- I mean, teaming up with LOVEMUFFIN to get those goals done. All I have to do is ask for Mr. Fletcher's permission and then things will get interesting from there!"
"Yeah, Shadow. I have a question."
"Aren't you a little too young to be evil?"
"Yes, yes I am. Got a problem with that?"
Doofenshmirtz was silent for a moment. "Nope. Not at all."
"Good." Just then, Doofenshmirtz saw a house with the numbers 2308 on it. "Oh, goodie! We're here!"
"And just in time," replied the Shadow eerily as he saw the many inventions made by Phineas and Ferb during the entire summer, standing there proudly in the backyard.
Original A/N: Well THAT doesn't sound good. And Doofenshmirtz, at Perry's residence? ...Things just got more interesting...
I'd like to thank the following for reviewing:
Stinkfly3 [Stay tuned for that.]
NattyMc [LOL at your review. XD]
nightmaster000 [Yes, yes it will. And I hope this answers your question about the Shadow-Doof meeting.]
Black Queen of Darkness [Thanks for the review! :)]
NoShameHere [Why, thanks!]
FrostShadowStar [Thanks for reviewing every chapter from the start! More reviews for me and a lot of excitement for you! :D]
Person X (unsigned)
BroadwayFanGirl91 [Actually, I am listening to your pleas, and I cackle evilly at the misery you are suffering from reading Phineas's suffering. MWAHAHAHAHAHA! ...Nah, just kidding! XD]
Joe the American [I love your haikus. :D]
CAB00SE [And me likey your reviews!]
maniac's maniac (chapter 4 review)
maniac's maniac [And here's what was going on with Perry and Doof at this time. Hope you liked it!]
Wow. That's a lot of reviews. I appreciate it, guys; keep it up!
Well, hope you enjoyed this chapter! TheCartoonFanatic01 is out. PEACE!
Candace: MOM! TheCartoonFanatic01 is stealing my line again!
Oh, NO! Not again...
Candace: Oh, yes again. You and I are gonna have a little talk about this chapter and how terrible it was because I didn't get to bust Phineas and Ferb.
*runs off* SAVE ME, JEEBUS!
New A/N: I gotta say, I love how more up-to-date this rewrite is with the canon, unlike the original. It presents more of an opportunity to come up with new comedic moments, like the exchange between the evil Phineas and LOVEMUFFIN, as well as Doofenshmirtz claiming himself to be the founder of LOVEMUFFIN and leadership issues within the organization. In my opinion, it was a pretty neat direction this chapter went down.
Other than that, this was a "meh" chapter. I'm not even sure what went down in the beginning, with Doofenshmirtz's lair being destroyed and him chewing out Perry and everything. It feels out-of-character and sudden, even moreso than what I portrayed in the original version. Plus, I don't even remember what the original intent for those beginning scenes were. If I explained everything in this chapter, then I've already forgotten them. That's how unmemorable it was for me. Truly, this whole rewrite feels superfluous at this point.
Eh, it doesn't matter. I'll keep on re-posting this for preservation's sake.
Now then, I'd like to thank the following for reviewing:
1) Well, with the chapters I'm dealing with right now in the original version, these chapters are quicker to go through for the time being, so of course this was going to be updated first. This is not any indication that I have a preference for the rewrite over the original.
2) Ah, good to know. You Australians and New Zealanders sure are lucky you got this whole pandemic over with. For the U.S., though, it's like we just got started, each and every day. It flipping sucks.
3) I'm glad you think so. I will admit, the original version's greatest flaw was having everyone become painfully oblivious to the problem that was clearly in front of them. I'm so glad that I managed to find a solution through this rewrite.
4) XD XD XD
5) That's IF I ever decide to rewrite a third version. Having scoured through the database of "Phineas and Ferb" fanfics in this site, I've realized the popularity of stories in general has dropped off. Presumably this is because the show ended and its popularity with the masses died along with it. Only people who truly remember and cherished the show are still active. It's quite sad to see, if I'm going to be perfectly honest. I think the only reason that the re-posted edition of the original "Evil Phineas" still has a lot of reviews is because it left quite an impact. Plus, I've got followers who would know right away if I re-posted the story. Either way, it's truly sad to see the fanfiction of "Phineas and Ferb" fall from grace, or at least in this site.
Well, hope you enjoyed this chapter! TheCartoonFanatic01 is out. PEACE!