Roxie paced around her room that night, looking towards the door. She checked her tablet several times, knowing that nothing had come through. She had her alarm on the highest volume in the hopes she could head off anyone should they need her. Around 11 p.m. there was a soft knock on her door. She crept over and looked through the peephole. Relief filled her as she saw Jin, opening the door and pulling him in before anyone saw.
“Someone is happy to see me,” he said, grinning down at her as he pushed her against the door.
“Just trying not to get us caught,” she said, smiling up at him. He ran his hands up and down her sides, taking in her slinky black tank top and shorts.
“This new?” he asked, bending down to kiss her.
“Nah, just haven’t seen me like this in a while,” she said before meeting his lips. She started running her fingers through his hair. Jin quickly picked her up as Roxie wrapped her legs around him and he walked her over to the bed. He gently put her down before lying on top of her.
“You know you only throw on these sexy little numbers for me,” he said, smirking down at her. Roxie chuckled and pulled his head down towards hers again before moving her hands down his body and running them up his shirt as she wrapped her legs around him. “Slow down, killer. We have all night.”
“I know… just didn’t realize how much I missed you. This,” she whispered, looking up at him.
“You’ve had a rough few days, haven’t you?” he said softly. Roxie sighed as he rolled off her and pulled her into his arms on the small bunk. He pushed her hair back from her face as she gazed up at him.
“It hasn’t been easy,” she admitted. She didn’t want to talk about it, but she knew how persistent Jin could be. Best to get it over with.
“Think it’s all the new rangers?” he asked, frowning at her. “You did work with Hercules in Australia. Sure, it brought up more memories.” She nodded.
“We’ve talked,” she said. “Didn’t make it easier… just dredged up more things.”
“I know it’s hard for you,” he said. “But you need to face this someday. It wasn’t your fault.” She stared at him.
“You know I don’t like to talk about this, Jin,” she said.
“I know, but I won’t stop until you get it through that head of yours that it wasn’t your fault and you deserve to be happy.” She sighed heavily and looked away, frowning. “Roxie…”
“Just… can we leave it for tonight,” she asked, glancing up at him. “Besides, you know I’m leaving after this mission. And then I’m going far away from any shutterdome. Not to mention, the program’s been discontinued. Likely they won’t need you anymore either.” Jin smiled and kissed her forehead.
“Tell me more about England,” he said, changing the subject. Roxie chuckled.
“I’ve told you everything,” she said, rolling her eyes slightly.
“I know, but I want to make sure I know everything before we go,” he said. Roxie shook her head.
“Still planning on that? Well, we’ll go to London first. That’s where Jamie and I grew up. But my mum’s family is from the countryside, so suspect we’ll go there as well,” she said. “And Dad’s family is in Scotland, so likely we go to the Highlands.”
“Right… where the warriors are from,” Jin replied. Roxie chuckled.
“It’s been a long time since they were about,” she said.
“But that’s where you get your spirit. I can tell,” he said. Roxie gazed up at him.
“What about Shanghai?” she asked.
“We can go, but there’s not much there for me to show you. My brothers and I, we mostly grew up on the streets, you know,” he said. Roxie nodded.
“But surely there’s something there. Some good memories?” she asked. He shrugged.
“Most of my best memories are here… with you,” he said. “Wherever you want to be, that will be home to me.”
“You’re really serious about this?” Roxie asked, propping herself up. They talked about it a lot, but part of her never really gave into believing it. Making plans for the future was a dangerous thing in their line of work. It brought up hope that could be dashed to bits in one mission.
“Of course, I am,” he said. “We’ll retire after this mission. And then you and I can go wherever you want.”
“With your brothers, of course,” Roxie said, rolling her eyes slightly.
“Is it so bad an idea?” he asked. She shook her head, grinning.
“Never,” she said, leaning in to kiss him again. What started as light, turned deeper as Jin pulled her closer to him. But just as Jin slid his hand under her top, a knock sounded at the door. Roxie groaned as she fell on her back and looked over towards the door. Another knock. “Duty calls,” she muttered. She pushed off from the bed and padded over to the door, warning Jin to stay silent with her eyes.
She pulled the door open slightly, seeing Chuck standing there. He obviously was not expecting to see her dressed in black silky pajamas. And had obviously been drinking a bit from the way he swayed slightly. She had honestly forgotten what she was wearing and cursed not grabbing a robe before she answered the door as he looked her up and down.
“What can I do for you, ranger?” she asked tensely, not particularly happy with the interruption.
“Just thought I’d check in on you,” he said, starting to smile as he glanced down at her pajamas again.
“I’m fine, but thanks,” she said, starting to shut the door. She could see Jin started to get out of the bed from the corner of her eye as Chuck whipped his hand out, stopping the door.
“Got some top shelf whisky in my room. Thought we could catch up,” he said, leaning towards her. Roxie frowned.
“Told you earlier, I’m not interested,” she said, trying to shut the door again. “Not tonight.”
“What? Got one of the triplets in there with you?” he asked, trying look into her room.
“No one but me, ranger. And I’m warning you, you’re about to cross a line,” she said coldly. Chuck stopped and stared at her a moment.
“You know, I don’t get you, Williams. You used to be more fun,” he said. Roxie glared at him.
“How would you know? You were a kid the last we knew each other,” she said. “We barely knew each other as it was.”
“Just not sure what I did to make you hate me,” he replied, a sad look quickly coming over his face. Roxie just blinked at him and then sighed.
“I don’t hate you,” she said, her voice soft. “Just… I’ve spent the last six years trying to forget Australia. But that’s none of your fault. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get to bed.”
“Can we at least start over? I know you’ve changed, but so have I,” he said, sighing. “I’m not a kid anymore.” She stared at him a moment before nodding.
“Yea, but can we please talk about this another time. Now really is not good for me. And you’ve been drinking,” she said. Chuck stared at her a moment before nodding. But before he could say anything, there was a bump and hiss from in the room. Roxie’s eyes widened, not wanting to look in and give up Jin.
Though from the look of suspicion on Chuck’s face, it didn’t matter. He obviously knew that someone was in there with her.
“What was that? Who’s in there?” he asked. Roxie rolled her eyes.
“It’s none of your business. Now if you’ll excuse me,” she said, trying to shut her door again.
“Come on, Roxie,” Chuck said, starting to laugh harshly.
“Look, Ranger. I live my life the way I see fit. It’s none of your concern,” she said, narrowing her eyes at him and starting to tire of this. She just wanted to shut the damn door and get one with her night.
And preferably with few to little words.
“Who gave you that hickey? Was it the one that threw you over his shoulder?” Chuck asked, leaning towards her. Roxie’s eyebrows flew up as color painted her cheeks.
“As I said, it’s none of your concern,” she said, lowering her voice. “You’re walking a thin line, ranger. You’ll do well to remember your place. Now go back to your room.”
“Tough words coming from a ranger who walked away,” he replied harshly. Roxie glared at him.
“I may not have stepped foot in a jaeger in six years, but that does not mean I walked away. I’ve had to work the com room every goddamn time we send a jaeger out,” she spat. “I did not walk away, though I certainly could have.”
“But you won’t get back in. Why’s that? Afraid you’ll screw up and kill someone else?” he asked. Roxie sucked in a breath, the tears pricking her eyes. A pained look came over Chuck’s face as though he instantly regretted his words. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have said that.”
“What? You were only speaking truthfully,” she said softly. “It’s what everyone thinks anyway.”
“No… it’s not… I’m sor-”
“I don’t want to hear it, Chuck. Goodnight,” she said, shutting the door and then leaning her forehead against it, closing her eyes as the tears streamed down her cheeks. Immediately Jin was at her side, pulling her away from the door and into his arms.
“It’s not true,” he said as he held her close to him. “Don’t listen to him. He was drunk and saying stupid shit.”
“But it is,” Roxie whispered. “We both know it.”
“No, it’s not” he murmured. “You’ve got to stop thinking that it is.” Roxie pushed him away and ran her fingers through her hair.
“No, it’s not, Jin. He’s right,” she said, the tears falling faster as she stared at him. “He’s right… I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have…” She started wheezing slightly as it became harder to breathe while the tears fell faster down her cheeks.
“It wasn’t your fault, Rox,” he said, his voice stronger. “Listen to me.”
Jin reached out and grabbed Roxie, pulling her back to him and he held her tightly.
“But I should have checked,” she said, her voice muffled by his chest.
“You did everything you were supposed to. You didn’t know his escape pod was damaged,” Jin said. “And if you had waited, both of you would be gone.”
“We wouldn’t have been in that situation in the first place if it weren’t for me… And at least I would be with Jamie and I wouldn’t feel so guilty,” she said, looking up at him. Jin kissed her forehead.
“You’ve got to stop this, Roxie. You cannot blame yourself for living,” he said softly. “Jamie wouldn’t want that.”
“But he was my brother. My twin,” she said. “And he’s dead because of me.”
“No, he made sure that you were safe,” Jin said. Roxie nodded and leaned her head against his chest, wrapping her arms around him and holding him tightly, trying to center herself. “It’ll be alright, Roxie.”
“I don’t know if I ever will be,” she whispered. Jin sighed again and kissed the top of her head as he held onto her and let her continue to cry a few moments.
“It will be,” he whispered. “I know that it will be. Just… hold on.”
Roxie didn’t reply, only tightened her hold on him. Jin stepped back from her, taking her hands and leading her back to the bed. He then laid down and pulled Roxie down to him, once again wrapping his arms around her as she continued to silently cry.
This wasn’t the way either of them had wanted the night to go, but in knew that he couldn’t let her go. And somehow needed to get her to see that she had survived for a reason. And part of that, he felt was so that she would come into his life.
“I love you, Roxie,” he said softly. The soft sobs stopped as she looked up at him, her eyes now brighter from her tears. “And I’ll always love, even you can’t seem to get it though that thick head of yours that you’re meant to be here. With me.”
She swallowed and smiled slightly.
“I’ve gone and ruined the night,” she said. Jin smiled and chuckled, shaking his head.
“You didn’t ruin anything,” he replied.
“Ruined the mood,” she said.
Jin laughed again and pressed a firm kiss against her lips. In just a second, it was as though he reignited the fire that had been previously burning in her before they were interrupted.
“Think I can fix that,” he murmured, resting his forehead against hers, a smirk filling his face. She couldn’t help but laugh softly as she looked deep into his eyes.
“You are far too good to me,” she said. “I don’t deserve-“
Roxie was silenced by his lips on hers yet again as he pulled her closer.
“No more talk like that,” he said, pressing kisses down her chin and neck. Roxie’s eyes rolled back slightly as shivers ran up and down her body.
“How about no more talk at all?” she asked breathlessly.
“Some talking wouldn’t hurt,” Jin said in between kisses. A soft moan escaped Roxie’s lips. “I do enjoy it when you talk dirty sometimes.”
A throaty chuckle left her lips as she rolled over, now straddling Jin as she stared down at him, pinning his arms on either side of him.
“Is that so?” she asked, rolling her hips against him and causing a moan that had her smiling. Roxie bent down and kissed him deeply. Without warning, Jin rolled them back over so that he was now on top of her.
“Two can play that game,” he said before kissing her and slowly pressing his body against hers.
“Too much clothing,” Roxie breathed he came back for air.
“My thoughts exactly,” he replied sitting up and pulling his shirt off, tossing it to the ground. Roxie bite her bottom lip as she ran her fingers up and down his chest, then wrapped them around his neck, pulling him down towards him again.
A soft sigh left her lips as Jin attacked her neck again and she arched her back against him.
She still didn’t think she deserved to be with him, to move on with her life and be happy. But at least for a few hours tonight, she didn’t have to think about anything more than his lips on hers. His body against hers.
And that she could accept for now. God, she missed this. The way he made her feel. How he made her feel alive, a fire rushing through her veins. She might burn for this later, but it was well worth it for the momentary happiness that it brought.
At least for the next few hours, she could imagine that it was just the two of them and all was right with the world. That they were in a happy relationship, just like everyone else, her demons held at bay. That they were normal. That he wasn’t about to take part in a mission that very well could kill him and leave her utterly broken.
Roxie knew what was coming in the morning – that reality would set in hard and brutally - but with the way Jin was currently running his hands over her body, she decided it was worth whatever price she would have to pay.