The Longing of the Heart @otherealmwriter
Natalya's journal 18

I don't own Hetalia okay? I don't know if I will get the usual entries because it's late where I am and I have had a killer headache all day but I want to get something now that it's dissipating. Anyway, enough of this A/N, on with the fic!

October 8th 1918

(From the diary of Natalya Jones nee Arlovskaya.)

I don't think I have ever cried more in my life. We had buried Vanya in his dress uniform and have the picture taken before he was buried. It is a nice look, but would have been better if I saw him return alive in it. Or even if he returned in it paralyzed. He would be alive and I would make sure that he never felt like any less of a man because of it. Fredka has been too good to me. He's taken up to digging the grave mostly himself and to looking after the children. It was during the eulogy it hit me. I know Matvey had been saying it for a week now but for some reason it struck me like a bolt of lightning today. He loved Nikolai, little Ivan and Anya, even though he never met them in person, more than anything. Fredka was his best friend in the world he went to war to in his own weird idea to protect him. (I still do not understand his logic. If they wanted to draft Fredka I don't think that him telling the draft board his brother-in-law went in his stead would work...) And I should dedicate myself to raising them (yes even Fredka sometimes) and making sure my duties as wife and mother are upheld. I mean Fredka is doing his best to do that as a husband and father, so I must do so myself.

The heavens wept almost as much as I did. Fredka told me that Vanya is now home to stay and we can visit him whenever we want. Made some sense although I have a feeling that he'd find a way to haunt our house than his. (I would think he would want to make sure that Matvey is only seeking proper medical care from Katyusha. Those too are getting too close for his intentions to be just seeking a nurse.) Which as long as he doesn't disturb anything, I wouldn't mind. Fredka, not so much. He gets scared like a child with ghost stories. I tried to tell him a few when we were first dating and he screamed like a little girl. Then again the ghost of his best friend might be a different story there. I don't know. All I know is I have to look after my family like I am supposed to and like Vanya would have wanted me to. It would be in his honor after all. And I can talk to him here. He won't be able to respond but he can't interrupt me either. It's weird having a relative back but gone. I will miss him so. But like he would want me to, I must look to the future and my family.

So how was that? Good? Bad? Short? Long? Let me know in a review. I don't have much else to say with this one so remember to read (well you just did) and to review. Ciao for now,

otherrealmwriter

aka

Realm.

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