The Longing of the Heart @otherealmwriter
Ivan's Journal 11

I don't own Hetalia okay? I know I skipped a bit of time on this section but it's building to the big drama coming up. Anyway, enough of this A/N, on with the fic!

April 7th 1917

(From the journal of Ivan Braginsky)

That was the hardest thing I had to do, but I had done it. I couldn't let Fredka join up. He would have felt he had to in order to follow his family tradition. But he has a family of his own. Natalya, little Nikolai, and there are more on the way. Maybe more than just one because I do not recall her being that big at this point when she was going to have Nikolai and he was a large child. I do not have a wife and child. I have been taking care of Katyusha, but I made him promise to help look after her while I was gone. I also know that he's scared. Matthew had joined to help Britain last year and the letters he sent back sound awful. He's been lucky when many of his unit has been wiped out at the first start of the Somme. I've gotten some Canadian newspapers to keep track of what happens to him. I suggested Fredka do the same but he couldn't bring himself to do it. It's all over the news. When I said I had joined up, I thought Fredka would hit me and Natalya be begging me to stay but it was the other way around. Katyusha, the one I thought who would be crying the most had to keep them calm, if for no one other than Nikolai's sake. Maybe her time working as a hospital nurse in England left something on her.

It must be very hard on Fredka too, his brother had enlisted not too long into 1916 and he's only gotten a few letters that tell of what he's going through. He never would say to me what he has read, but I noticed one of the letters left out while I was visiting one day and while sounding horrible, all the rain, life in the trenches, constant artillery barrages, even then he sounded like he was covering something up. Fredka called me insane but I couldn't let him get pulled into this. I mean if he wasn't married, I am sure he'd have joined up at the first call. That's who he is. But I will not let Natalya be a widow all alone with young children. Just the fight we had when I did was horrible and he said that Natalya always had me if that happened to him, but I made him promise to look after Katyusha if something were to happen to me using that same logic. Katyusha sees him as a little brother as well and it is the family duty to look after each other. Wasn't until Natalya actually seriously threatened him for the first time in her life, and I am not counting when they first dated, that he conceded. I know not every man joining up is in my shoes and many are in Fredka's but they don't have a wife like Natalya. Also I couldn't go on if Fredka died. I love him too much to see that happen.

And I still have not shook what kind of feelings I have for the man in the first place. He's my best friend. This is what best friends do. But at the same time, the idea of his death makes me want to die. I had to do this. To protect them all.

So how was that? Good? Bad? Short? Long? (for a journal entry) let me know in a review. I don't have much else to say on the note to this one, so remember to read (well you just did) and to review. Ciao for now,

otherrealmwriter

aka

Realm.

Anonymous reviews have been disabled. Login to review. 1. Alfred's Journal 447 0 0 2. Natalya's Journal 344 0 0 3. Ivan's Journal 357 0 0 4. Alfred's Journal 2 433 0 0 5. Natalya's Journal 2 384 0 0 6. Ivan's Journal 2 398 0 0 7. Alfred's Journal 3 335 0 0 8. Natalya's Journal 3 357 0 0 9. Ivan's Journal 3 361 0 0 10. Letter to Matthew 473 0 0 11. Letter to Alfred 498 0 0 12. Alfred's Journal 4 393 0 0 13. Natalya's Journal 4 425 0 0 14. Ivan's Journal 4 415 0 0 15. Alfred's Journal 5 409 0 0 16. Natalya's Journal 5 388 0 0 17. Ivan's Journal 5 394 0 0 18. Letter to Matthew 2 548 0 0 19. Letter to Alfred 2 504 0 0 20. Alfred's Journal 6 346 0 0 21. Natalya's Journal 6 459 0 0 22. Ivan's Journal 6 453 0 0 23. Alfred's Journal 7 459 0 0 24. Natalya's Journal 7 570 0 0 25. Ivan's Journal 7 442 0 0 26. Letter to Matthew 3 590 0 0 27. Letter to Alfred 3 452 0 0 28. Alfred's Journal 8 467 0 0 29. Natalya's Journal 8 428 0 0 30. Ivan's Journal 8 470 0 0 31. Alfred's Journal 9 450 0 0 32. Natalya's Journal 9 417 0 0 33. Ivan's Journal 9 455 0 0 34. Letter to Matthew 4 560 0 0 35. Letter to Alfred 4 518 0 0 36. Alfred's Journal 10 500 0 0 37. Natalya's Journal 10 425 0 0 38. Ivan's Journal 10 412 0 0 39. Alfred's Journal 11 393 0 0 40. Natalya's Journal 11 363 0 0 41. Ivan's Journal 11 560 0 0 42. From Lt Col Kirkland 518 0 0 43. Alfred's Journal 12 417 0 0 44. Natalya's Journal 12 415 0 0 45. Ivan's Journal 12 493 0 0 46. Ivan's Journal 13 537 0 0 47. Katyusha's Journal 361 0 0 48. Matthew's Journal 491 0 0 49. Alfred's Journal 13 508 0 0 50. Matthew's Journal 2 442 0 0 51. Alfred's journal 14 480 0 0 52. Ivan's Letter home 455 0 0 53. Alfred's journal 15 497 0 0 54. Natalya's Journal 13 528 0 0 55. Matthew's Journal 3 410 0 0 56. Katyusha's letter to Ivan 614 0 0 57. Ivan's Letter to Katyusha 550 0 0 58. Alfred's Journal 16 484 0 0 59. Natalya's Journal 14 538 0 0 60. Katyusha's journal 2 523 0 0 61. Letter to Ivan 564 0 0 62. Ivan's letter to Alfred 518 0 0 63. Alfred's Journal 17 472 0 0 64. Natalya's Journal 15 515 0 0 65. Matthew's Journal 4 427 0 0 66. Ivan's Journal 14 627 0 0 67. Alfred's Journal 18 344 0 0 68. Letter from Ernest 509 0 0 69. Ivan's Journal 15 353 0 0 70. Alfred's Journal 19 483 0 0 71. Natalya's Journal 16 453 0 0 72. Matthew's Journal 5 558 0 0 73. Katyusha's journal 3 412 0 0 74. Ivan's Journal 16 370 0 0 75. Katyusha's journal 4 487 0 0 76. Alfred's Journal 20 479 0 0 77. Natalya's Journal 17 413 0 0 78. Matthew's journal 6 380 0 0 79. Alfred's Journal 21 439 0 0 80. Natalya's journal 18 463 0 0 81. Katyusha's Journal 5 368 0 0 82. Alfred's Journal 22 451 0 0 83. Natalya's Journal 19 459 0 0 84. Katyusha's journal 6 398 0 0 85. Alfred's Journal 23 478 0 0 86. Natalya's Journal 20 332 0 0 87. Katyusha's Journal 7 491 0 0 88. Natalya's Journal 21 405 0 0 89. Matthew's Journal 7 432 0 0 90. Natalya's Journal 22 486 0 0 91. Alfred's Journal 24 598 0 0 92. Alfred's Journal 25 484 0 0 93. Natalya's Journal 23 422 0 0 94. Matthew's Journal 8 393 0 0 95. Alfred's Journal 26 475 0 0 96. Natalya's Journal 24 472 0 0 97. Katyusha's Journal 8 443 0 0 98. Matthew's Journal 9 533 0 0 99. Alfred's Journal 27 717 0 0 100. Ivan's Journal 17 409 0 0