Good Ol' Fashioned Razzmatazz @jazhop
When Shit Hits The Fan

Good Ol' Fashioned Razzmatazz Chapter 6:


When Shit Hits The Fan


I felt like a total fucking badass from a Silvester Stallone movie. If I was a jacked older guy with a semi-automatic, I'd feel safer though, but I didn't own a gun, let alone a goddamn wand! But it was still badass, nonetheless. I was like an army seal on a covert rescue mission or something.

"Jesus Christ Lenny, I can't believe I'm doing something this fucking insane," I told him.

"You quesssstion nowww when we are heeeeere?" Lenny asked irritated.

"You're right. Just gotta get my head in the game."

"Human iddddioms are sssstupid."

"Lenny, to you anything human is stupid," I replied rolling my eyes in exasperation.

Before our banter could continue, the entrance opened, revealing a little red-head child, peeking her vivid green eyes out of the hole. She saw me and quickly beckoned me in. I gestured for all the animals to follow me after looking around the empty back alley and being sure enough no one was watching. It would have been an odd sight if they were. A little girl dressed up like a little boy, with a snake wrapped around her neck like a scarf, was running into an underground tunnel followed by dozens of snakes and owls... yeah, they'd just have to sign themselves up to an insane asylum after that.

I stepped down into the vault as silently as I could. The girl looked at the snakes surrounding me in fright but somehow managed to not scream, which was honestly impressive.

"They really do listen to you?" she asked, in the cutest little Scottish accent I'd ever heard.

"Well, more or less. I've negotiated but I don't control them," I answered truthfully. "Now you better go back. I don't want this coming back to you guys if it fails."

"But... I'm so sick of em. I'll help. I don't want to be here another day, even if you fail," she said with fire in her eyes.

Despite being older than me physically and taller, I pat her head and grinned. She looked at me in confusion at the motion, but flushed nonetheless, holding her head where I'd ruffled it.

"You're a brave kid, but for now just let the grown-ups help you alright?"

"But... you're younger than me," she pointed out perplexed.

"What no, I'm actually an ancient and terrible being trapped in the body of a five-year-old. Trust me I've got this. It's my calling in life to slay werewolves."

"Really?"

The absolute sheer awe in her eyes made me chuckle. Goddammit, kids were as gullible as snakes! What was I doing bullying the very people I was trying to save anyway? I needed to get back on track.

"You should go back before they miss you."

"O-of course ancient one!" she said, bowing hastily before scampering away.

"Humaaanssss are ssstupid," Lenny laughed.

"Lenny... for once I agree," I chuckled back. "Come on, we've got a job to do. You can stick with me and my superior human legs."

Lenny made an indignant sound but to his credit, for once didn't retort back for the sake of his pride. I was too focused on navigating a landscape I only barely had an idea of the layout for. As it turned out snakes and owls had a good sense of smell, sight, and direction. With their help and constant notifications I was alerted about the presence of incoming people. The layout of this underground labyrinth didn't look like some kind of abandoned human network. Rather it seemed magically made, but not recently either. I wasn't an engineer for no reason.

The walls were too even for it to be made in this world's current technology, not to mention there were zero signs of support beams in places. Instead it seemed like stone pillars rose from the ground itself, which was a marvellous idea. I digressed. Architecture and structural engineering aside, it took a while for the snake who'd agreed to scout for us to come back. She was rather thorough in her process.

"The foood sssscellar issss down to the right quadrrrant," she finished instructing me.

Lenny was bobbing up and down on my shoulder excitedly as she talked. I wanted to pretend I never noticed Lenny's rather noticeable crush on said woman, but it was rather hard to not snort in amusement. He glared at me in response before we got back to work.

"Hey guys, can you do something for me. Which ones of you lot are venomous?" I asked.

About 4 of them came up. I nodded happily. To the rest of the snakes I handed them all one mushroom.

"Whaatssss thisss do?" Lenny asked.

"It's a really potent laxative," I giggled.

"Laxxxxative?" Lenny asked.

"It means Lenny, that shits going to hit the fan. Literally."

"Not an idiom," he hummed appreciatively.

"So for you guys who aren't venomous, here's what you have to do. Spread out and throw one of these mushrooms into their water supply. The rest, put it as discreetly as you can inside any open meal the tall humans are eating. Don't target the smaller ones," I said.

"What about ussss?" the venomous snakes asked.

"You're with me. While the rest of the werewolves shit themselves, we're going to take down the guards and free the kids."

Take down was certainly one way to put it. The more apt way of describing what we were going to do was simply to kill them as quickly and efficiently as possible. But that wasn't something I wanted to think too deeply on. It was already balls to the floor insanity what I was doing so far.

So we all finally split up, and I ended up becoming a human hanger for the rest of the snakes with me, while the 5 or so owls flew up ahead above the beams above. They were small and silent and absolutely stunning to watch. I wished suddenly that I could talk to them too.

I came by a bend, which seemed to branch out into three hallways. I let out one of my snakes and waited for him to come back before I took the quickest route to the children. There was a tapping of feet behind me, and I nearly gasped before panicking, then looking around desperately for cover. I saw a bunch of crates and jumped into one, finding myself falling against hard bags full of something.

"Did you hear something?"

"It's always either the rafters above or the pesky children."

"This sounded different."

"So what, now you have wolf senses outside of the change? You ain't like the boss just yet. Just keep going."

"Fine, but if one of the brats' escapes, I'll throw your ass in for it."

"Geeze, appreciate the comradery buddy."

The sounds of their voices and footsteps finally disappeared into the distance and I let go of my breathe. Turned down to look at the packages beneath me. I ripped one open to find what looked like some kind of sparkly blue and grey dust mixed with lighter purple crystals.

"What the fuck?" I mumbled.

One of the snakes said a word that didn't quite translate to my ears for the first time. I had to do a double take as I realised all I'd heard was hissing for once.

"Can you repeat that?" I asked.

He hissed again. "It's not a huuuman word. It'ssss what we call thissss flower."

"Flower? But these are rocks," I said.

Then it dawned on me. Distilled chemicals from plants, turned into crystals, and then into powdered drugs. This was what they were making here. I took one of the packets and pocketed it inside my coat. I was no chemist, but whatever this was could be valuable. Still it seemed rather impure if they were just leaving it in a crate not heavily guarded.

I peeked out of the crate and decided to get a move on again. This time I walked a little slower, my heart still beating from the near miss from before. The werewolves here didn't seem to find it hard to navigate these dimly lit hallways. I struggled to see past a few feet, which would have made this whole operation impossible if the snakes wrapped around me weren't constantly whispering warnings and directions. We eventually did make it through to a more lit hallway, with magical green fire along the walls.

"Human ssssmell," one of the snakes noted.

They were close. I nodded to let him know I'd heard before I stuck close to the rocky wall and peaked down the hallway. There were two guards. I quickly whipped my head back to the safety of the wall I was at and sucked in a breath. This was where they were guarding the children. I just needed to wait for the signal to let me know the mushrooms were administered, and then I could somehow take out these werewolves. Adults in adult bodies, I reminded myself. Whereas I was barely 3 feet tall.

Not that physical strength ever got me anywhere even in my past life. I'd always had noodle arms and noodle legs, with absolutely fuck all core strength and endurance. Dad thought I was useless for a reason after all. I shook my head. I wasn't useless and strength wasn't everything. I had a godforsaken brain full of useless crap to help me out, and now I was a goddamn dungeons and dragons druid!

First level for sure... but still.

I pulled out my bag pack and picked up my torch and knife as silently as I could. Then I turned to the owls on the beams above and took in a deep breath. Once I gave them the signal, that would be it. I could very well die doing something as outrageous as this. It was so impossible and yet my heart was beating a mile an hour, I was sweating, and there was no doubt an ungodly grin on my face. I made the signal, pointing my fingers up at them. They all swooped down from the ceiling and flew down the hallway.

In a fluid motion they dive bombed the two werewolves, scratching their faces before flying back up and away. Before they could do anything again, another bird would dive down from another side.

"What the fuck!"

They began batting the air. One of them pulled out a wand and shouted a curse, catching one of the owls, freezing his body in place. He flung into the wall and broke his neck. I rushed into the hallway, a surge of anger hitting me at the sight.

"A kid? The fuck?"

"Who cares Ben, hex the fucker!" the other werewolves shouted as he ducked a swoop from an owl.

"I'm no kid. I'm goddamn fucking Chuck Norris!"

I had no time to contemplate just how simultaneously lame and ridiculous I was for yelling that out. I shot my arms out as I rushed the two grown men. The snakes clinging to either of my appendages flung themselves onto the men.

"Strangle them! Bite their eyes!"

The men shrieked in horror as the snakes slithered up their bodies, but one of them managed to throw the snake that got on him away, and punch the owl swooping down at him. He rushed me with an animalistic growl.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I shouted, or more like squeaked as I jumped out of the way of his stampede.

He had surprising dexterity though, and managed to catch my legs, tripping me over. Lenny hissed on my neck, rushing out to bite him, but the man caught him by his neck, and slammed down my shoulder with his spare arm. He threw Lenny aside and moved to punch my face. I clicked on my flashlight, blinding his eye as I dodged his punch, then I bit his arm and kicked his balls multiple times until he was crying pathetically to his side.

"You hurt Lenny," I gasped in outrage as I kicked him once more for good measure.

Said man was keening on the floor now, holding his no doubt mangled family jewels. I heard getting kicked in the nuts was as painful as childbirth. Served him right. No one threw my friends.

I turned to see the other man frothing on the ground with several snake bites and claw marks all over him. He convulsed once, then twice before he stopped altogether. I felt my stomach roll in distress at the sight.

I had... killed someone... or I'd been partially the cause of it. Oddly enough I didn't feel as bad about it as I thought I would. Rather there was a sort of satisfaction of knowing I did the job right, but it was a short-lived feeling when my attention turned quickly to Lenny.

"L-Lenny!"

I knelt down to pick up the dazed snake and held him protectively against my chest. I didn't know if he was hurt or not. He could have internal bleeding for all I knew.

"The keeyysss," Lenny reminded me.

I shakily pulled out the keys from the writhing man's side. He looked at me with wild angry eyes and I froze.

"I-Ill fucking kill you," he said through pained jitters.

"Not anytime soon you useless cunt," I growled, before I kicked his head as hard as I could, knocking him out. I wiped my hands down my sides and couldn't help the grin that plastered on my face. "Fuck that was metal."

I was a little sad that only one owl had made it out of the five, but I let him swoop down onto my shoulder to sit there tiredly. The poor guy earned it. As for the snakes, about only 3 survived. They all trailed behind me to the door tired from all the action. I was just hoping this adrenaline rush I was going through wouldn't end soon, because it was giving me the energy not to question how outrageous this whole situation was.

I popped in the keys and opened the door to the brightest room so far in this whole place. It stunk to high heavens with some kind of ungodly smell, but that wasn't what caught my attention. It was the rows of tables with a furnace to the end and several cauldrons all around. The children in the room turned to me and gasped. Annabeth stood in front of them protectively. She stepped forward with surprise written all over her face.

"You actually did it... you got here?" she said in disbelief.

I popped back the pain in my shoulder and grinned proudly, not so subtly making a show of the animals by my side.

"Yeah, I fucking did! Now come on kids, it's time for a prison break."

Annabeth wiped a tear from her eye before she grew a resolved look on her face and nodded. I grinned. That was a good look on her. That fire Madame Hawksbury had snuffed from her years ago had finally come back, and it was goddamn gorgeous.

"What about the others?" Annabeth asked.

"Oh, they should be all shitting themselves about now," I grinned.

"In fear?" she asked.

"No I mean literally shitting themselves. I fed them all potent laxatives."

Annabeth looked at me in disbelief before a smile took her face and she cracked up laughing. I laughed with her for a bit before she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I was wrong about you Arete. You can take care of yourself," she said, finally acknowledging the most obvious fact ever, before she turned back to the kids. "Everyone take the south exit. It seems the toilets in the east wing are going to be flooding soon."

She expertly began filing the children forward, urging them to be silent and careful and to take the snakes with them. I watched on impressed before I noticed something wrong.

"Where's Kevin?" I asked.

Annabeth went silent, a dark look taking her face. She moved to walk away but I grabbed her hand and she finally looked me in the eye... full of shame.

"I couldn't do anything... they took him," she whispered.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"They... if we disobey them, they sometimes just flog us and send us back... but sometimes if they're really angry they takes them away."

"Where?" I asked.

"I don't know. We never hear back from them again."

I felt my heart sink. Kevin was only seven. The kid had barely lived a decade of his life. I was my fault that he had stayed outside for more than an hour that day. No matter how much discipline or fear they installed into a kid about rules, they were prone to forget and get carried away because of curiosity and other whimsies. It was just in their nature... something truly freeing that only children possessed. Kevin didn't deserve to be flogged for it in the first place... but whatever else they were doing to disobedient kids was bone chilling to even contemplate.

"We can't leave him behind," I said as I took Lenny from my neck.

"What are you doiiiiing?" Lenny asked.

"You're injured little man, and since I can't go with them now, you're the only one who knows the way to the cabin. Take them there as fast as you can."

"I won't leaaaave you," Lenny hissed.

"You will. Annabeth, take Lenny and the owl. They're injured right now so be careful. He'll guide you to a cabin in the woods. It's a half days walk, but you can make it quicker if you hurry the pace. It's not visible to anyone until they enter so just trust the snake, will you?"

"You can't just... how would you even know where to go?" Annabeth asked.

"I don't. Man this might get me killed, but I can't just leave the kid behind. If he's even still alive..."

Curse my conscience.

"Arete... you're just a kid too. There's just some things we can't do against adults. We're not powerful enough," she said, worry written all over her face.

"There was once this asshole of a man who told me 'don't be a fucking pussy'."

"That's... inspiring."

"And it's about the only inspiring thing he's said or done, trust me."

"So you're really going?" she asked.

I nodded. She sighed and pulled out a blade. It was a rather sharp knife. I took it with an impressed look.

"You managed to snag a knife?" I asked.

"I did... but I'm not brave enough to use it. I have a feeling you are," she said looking at the two werewolves lying on the ground either knocked out or dead.

She gave me one more squeeze to my arm before running off with Lenny. I was a little flattered that Lenny had sent me a distressed sound as he left me. But I couldn't afford to have him die just because I had a bleeding stupid as fuck heart.

Before I truly went down into this godforsaken doggy lair, I did the one thing I'd been meaning to do forever; I grabbed a wand. I took both the wands from the two men I'd defeated before running down the hallway. I knew the theory behind a few spells, and I had a feeling I would be a lot more safer using a knife than the wand of the owner who I'd hurt or killed, but I felt safer with it, nonetheless.

As it turned out there seemed to be a lack of any patrol. Everyone was probably sitting their guts out. So after a while of searching around, I finally got a little braver and just began sprinting down the hallways. The place was a maze, but it didn't take a genius to figure out that whatever shady shit they were doing with children probably happened deeper into the lower floors. So I ran down inside and tried to open as many doors as I could with the key set I'd stolen. It hadn't all worked out except for one. I opened the door only to see more stairs to the bottom. I pulled out my flashlight and took in a deep breath, ignoring how it felt too much like entering a memory.

No don't lock me up! I'll be useful! No PLEASE!

The memory threatened to swallow me up. This fear I felt right now wasn't the thrilling adrenaline rush of the previous few moments... it made me shiver with weakness. I felt pathetic. Useless.

I was snapped out of the memory when I heard shallow breathing. I almost had the urge to turn off my light, but I knew I'd rather get a good look at what the fuck was down here than be surprised by a bigger foe. I turned the light upwards as I reached the bottom of the stairs to see a pale face in the shadow.

"Fuck!" I hissed backwards.

I dropped my light and scrambled to pick it up again, throwing it back up to where I'd seen the face. To my relief it was the face of a boy and not some monster. To my utter horror, it was the face of Kevin. Now that the scare had worn off I could see what had been done to him. They'd hung him upside down, and cut a slit at his neck, bleeding him out in some sick version of a slow and painful death.

"A-Arete..." he whispered.

"Kevin... Kevin, are you alright?"

"H-hurts," he whimpered.

"Let me get you down kid. It's going to be alright," I said, despite the way my voice shook in a mixture of anger and terror.

I looked around with my torch and noted the rope tied to his feet was strung into a pulley system. I went over to it and heaved with all my might to bring the leaver down. After a whole lot of grunting and groaning and pathetic flexing, I managed to get it down. I rushed over to the kid and cut the ropes at his feet, holding his head up to my lap as I checked for a pulse.

"You're going to be alright. I'll get you out of here. Come on," I said.

I pulled him up to his feet as best I could. He was incredibly scrawny for his age, so much so that he was only about my height despite being two years physically older than me. It helped, but only a little. I was still a pathetic weakling when it came to strength and I struggled to basically drag him with me up the stairs and down the corridor. I held the flashlight between my armpits and the knife handle in my mouth awkwardly as I shuffled down the hallway.

I was caught off guard when someone tapped my back. I flipped around in shock to see Annabeth behind me. She put a finger to her lips to shush me as she took Kevin from my arms, picking him up like a kid. He groaned but otherwise was too low on blood and energy to do much.

"What are you doing back here?" I asked, taking the knife out of my mouth.

"Fuck if I just let a six-year-old do this alone," she said.

"Good to see you have some pride left Anna-b, but we can congratulate you on regaining it back later. We need to run now."

"You're a shitty brat," she said, although there was no bite behind the words as she smiled.

"I'm a beautiful brat," I disagreed as we continued down the hallway.

We made it closer to the exit when my instincts blared at me. I pushed Annabeth out of the way as an arm shot behind me. We stumbled forward and turned around to see a tall, jacked man turn to us, wand in hand. He snarled angrily.

"Were you the one who spiked our food girlie?" he asked picking up a mushroom. "Think you could fool us all did ya?"

"Buncha mutts like you, I'm impressed you can do more than wag your furry tails," I replied, brandishing my knife.

He barked a laugh. "You've got some balls kid. I'm going to have some fun cutting them off when I take that knife off you."

Oh right... I was wearing male clothing. I shrivelled up my nose at him in disgust despite feeling absolutely outclassed.

"Fucking psychopaths and paedophiles. You have no right to associate yourselves with dogs. They have more dignity than you."

"That's it you're fucking dead kid! Crucio!"

I yelped as I jumped away from the no doubt torture curse, he just tried to throw at what he assumed was basically a foetus! Annabeth grabbed me with one free arm, as she ran away. I stumbled behind her as we dodged several spells, ducking into as many hallways as we could and losing our way.

"He's too fast!" I cursed. "You're going to have to take Kevin and run!"

"And leave you again?!"

"Yes, just do it kid!"

"You're the kid here!" she shouted hysterically.

I pushed her down the bend before turning around to where the man was sprinting straight at me, wand pointed outward. Oh my God I might as well have tried to commit suicide... but I ran straight at him. My war cry sounded pathetic even to my ears, but I was nimble enough to dodge his spells, but before I could run past him, he grabbed me by my hair. My hat fell to the wayside, giving him quite a lot to grab onto. I struggled in pain as he pulled me up by my scalp, but I wasn't just going to let him torture me to death. I flipped Annabeth's knife and stabbed it into his leg. He let out a cry, falling to his knees.

I yanked the knife back out before running away, dodging a few more curses as I rushed into a nearby room. I cursed when I realised, I'd run into what was essentially a dead end. I could hear him closing in on the room and I looked around frantically. I needed to hide. Thankfully for me, it turned out I'd entered what was essentially their kitchen and I had quite a few spots to hide, so I chose the knock in between the barrels, where I could easily jump away to the door.

I sank down onto my ass and let out a shaky sigh as I gripped my knife tightly. I honestly didn't know how I could get scared again, but I nearly jumped out of my socks when I heard a voice next to me.

"You liiiieeed. There issss no ssssnake god," the snake hissed angrily.

"What... of course there is," I squeaked back in fear.

"I ssseeee no giant sssnaaake."

Jesus fucking Christ! I didn't need a snake as an enemy now too! I just goddamn wanted to escape this hell hole and never do anything altruistic again. I just needed to make up something to get him off my ass. He could be an ally too.

"That's because... well... the snake god is invisible! That's right! He's invisible. Only a true follower of his snakiness will be able to even catch a glimpse of his sheer glory."

"Ohhh... that makesssss sensssse. He issss a mighty beeeing after all," the snake agreed, pacified.

"Yes, yes, and the almighty snake god would like it if you could bite his enemy the wolf men."

"I would be honoureeeed too," the snake preened.

I shut my mouth the moment the door slammed open, and the man entered. I gripped the knife harder and took in a deep breath.

"Come out little boy. I'm going to have so much fun skinning you alive and eating you!"

I looked at the snake with wide eyes. Fuck it, I needed help. I really needed help. I couldn't fight this man, and a weak non-venomous snake couldn't really do much against these oddly jacked wizard werewolves. I was outmatched and I didn't have any backup either this time. I would die. I would fucking die!

I didn't want to die yet. Fuck, I hadn't even gotten to sky dive yet, or play in a death metal band, or regret cutting my hair into a mullet! I hadn't even really lived!

It must have been the panic that muddled my brain, because I scrambled out of the barrel to get to the door a little too early. I should have waited just a few more seconds because I was grabbed by my collar and flung to the floor. Before I could grab my flashlight or my knife it was kicked out of my hand and a weight dropped on top of me. I gasped in pain as I felt my arm crack under the weight of the knee on top of it. I looked up to see the eyes of a truly evil man looking at me and I felt helpless. He grinned as he took his wand and forced it down my throat.

"I wonder what it feels like to take a cruciatus curse point blank," he grinned evilly.

I shook my head cursing him out, but it came out as mumbled cried as I chocked on the wood down my goddamn throat.

"Cru—"

I expected pain unlike any pain I'd felt before. Heck I expected my pants to be ripped off and my non-existent balls to be cut off like promised. I didn't expect for the man's entire weight to fall on me and for him to go silent. I looked up to see Gib's and a man I'd never seen before holding a rock.

I spat out the wand in my mouth and coughed. I wiped the tears from my eyes with my one good hand as someone picked me up.

"Gibs is sorry! Gibs should have come earlier!"

"Hey—hey kid are you alright?"

I finally got a look at this new saviour of mine as the absolute sheer fucking terror I'd felt a moment before gradually left me. I didn't expect to see a really fucking handsome dude or be saved by one. His short cropped black hair cascaded over me as he looked down while I was in his arms.

"Who are you?" I managed biting back the tears from before.

"Long story short, your elf friend here managed to convince me to help him find you. Said an owl told him you were in trouble. Now I'm kind of... turning against my kind..."

"You're a werewolf?" I asked.

The man nodded before I turned to Gibs feeling an inordinate amount of gratitude. Gods was I in pain though. I had a feeling once this adrenaline wore of, I'd pass out from the sheer pain and exhaustion I felt. My back hurt, my ribs hurt, my throat hurt, and my left arm really fucking hurt. God that man had assaulted me.

He has assaulted me and tried to torture me. It had finally begun to sink in and all I felt was this seeping of pure anger and indignation.

"I want to rip that cunts balls!" I declared in a bout of rage.

Despite my struggles to get off this random good Samaritan and kick my assailant's exposed ball sack, I was held back by both Gibs and him.

"Come on kid, as much as I'd also like to rip off his balls, we need to go. There's a dozen or so angry werewolves nearly done shitting themselves. Neat trick by the way… good thing I'm on a diet…"

"Hold on!" Gibs said, as he grabbed the man's hand and apparated us outside.

The change in scenery was jarring, as was the crisp night air suddenly hitting my face. Before I barely even got a moment to reorient myself, we began our run into the woods. I clung tightly onto this stranger's shoulder as he rushed past trees and foliage in a mixture of running and apparating that left me nauseous and excited, because gods was this fucking cool, but I couldn't properly enjoy it after this hectic night.

Eventually we did end up stopping where the children were. Annabeth jumped in front of them, brandishing a pointed stick at us with a harsh snarl.

"We won't go back with you monsters. You better give her back too!"

She clearly had no idea what Gibs even was judging by how her eyes flicked to him in confusion and fear ever few seconds. I finally managed to push myself out of the stranger's arms as I held out my hand placatingly and pushed down her stick.

"Calm down Anna-b. They're on our side... or at least Gibs is. No fucking idea why the werewolf suddenly had a change of heart," I said.

"He's trying to trick us. Follow us, so he can get us back," Annabeth hissed.

"Hey, if I wanted to, I could do that right now. There's no reason to wait," the man huffed before sighing as if realising he wasn't doing his position any good. "But I'm not going to, ok. Fenrir and his crew are fucked up, but they just so happen to have our lives in their hands. We don't do as they say, and they tell the whole world we're werewolves. I couldn't do that... but I'd rather the whole world know than to have a kid's life on my conscience."

He sighed, as if he got the weight of the whole world out in that moment. There was a silence between the group not knowing what to do.

"Gee, what a giant fucking revelation," I said breaking the silence. "Look mate, not that I don't appreciate you helping me not die, but we have about 10 kids here who were in need months ago, and you didn't do shit then. What makes me believe you'll want to actually help now."

He looked taken aback by me. As if the very idea of not being taken at his word was an affront to his dignity. I nearly rolled my eyes, but I was too darn tried to waste it on him at the moment. I instead turned to Annabeth who handed Lenny over to me. The snake eagerly got on my neck and I happily leaned up against Gib's for support feeling pride at what the Elf had done to get to me. Then I turned to the stranger.

"I'm Kirley Duke. You know the Kirley Duke from the Wierd Sisters."

"Who?" literally everyone asked at once.

'Kirley' held his chest like we'd all just stabbed right through his heart. I huffed.

"We should just knock him out and tie him up," Annabeth said angrily as she looked at Kevin laying pale in her arms.

"As much as I'd like to go in there and tear all of them werewolves a new one, they're too strong to take out. Even I know my limits," I sighed. "And Gibs is amazing at apparating and levitating, but he doesn't have enough skills to protect us. We... need Curly King here."

"Kirley Duke," he corrected, despite falling on deaf ears.

"But he's—"

"—A werewolf?" I asked, raising a brow. "Come on Anna-b. You're smarter than that. Are all humans good or evil?"

She huffed in frustration before turning to the man and giving him a reluctant nod before turning to the rest of the kids. Gib's grabbed my side as he helped me walk.

"So can I come?"

"Yeah, for now," I said, ignoring the remaining owl now perched on my head, and the snake around my neck and the multiple snakes still following us. God a bunch of abused children, an enslaved elf, a vegetarian vampire, a racist snake, and his now religious brethren... and a werewolf to top it all off. Was I building the worlds most fucked up menagerie?

Jesus Christ. What I needed was sleep. Sleep and some fucking answers. First, we had to make it to the cabin. The night was still young and I had a feeling shit only just hit the fan.


A/N

Kirley Duke is the Canon lead guitarist for the Weird Sisters band in Harry Potter. Thought it would be a neat twist if he was a closeted werewolf. He's also a little caught up in his own fame at the moment. So he'll be fun to write.

Also ACDC recently released a song called the Witches Spell and I now regret naming this story Good Ol' Fashioned Razzmatazz, not that Razzmatazz isn't a great song ToT Anyway we're sorta going to only get to the actual Hogwarts parts about chapter 13-15 at this stage. And oof I can't wait! I'm still unsure which house Arete fits into. She's definitely either Gryffindor or Hufflepuff, but she's also cunning in a non-conventional way. Not super ambitious though. Definitely can't see her as a Ravenclaw, just because she doesn't value being smart all that much. So I'm stuck which house to throw her into. I'm leaning more towards Hufflepuff or Gryffindor, but will contemplate putting her in Slytherine if someone can give me a convincing enough argument. Please give me your thoughts, cause I'm bad at making decisions!

Omg sorry, I realised I posted a chapter from a different story here. I've fixed the issue XD Sorry about that!

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