I don't own Invader Zim okay? I don't have much really to say at the beginning with this A/N, so enough of that and on with the fic!
"So, what's so bad that I can't finally enjoy this moment?" Dib sighed as he ordered himself a cup of coffee and turned to Lord Nar.
"We saw what you did to the Massive. Very, very, very impressive." Lord Nar said as he took the cup of coffee and turned it upside down, draining it. "Another mam!" He yelled as the waitress sighed.
"There's no way that can be healthy." She said as she filled up his cup. "But hey, you keep paying, I keep filling."
"Okay, other than a Vortian's apparent addiction to caffeine, what is it you wanted with me?" Dib said as he moved the stirrer around with a slight blue wave of energy, amused at the ability he had for nearly 20 years now.
"The Meekrob plan on using you to their own ends." Lord Nar said.
"Yes, they told me this and I told them to fuck off. I only worked for Earth, I don't care about what the other alien races do. I finally got my life together now and no one can make fun of me! Well for my ideas anyway. They stopped making fun of my head when I was in my 20's. Something Dad said about me needing to grow into it, puberty sorted things out..." Dib said.
"Geesh, you sure can ramble on." Lord Nar said as Dib looked at him crossly at the comment. "But no, I am the leader of the Resisty and we are a group of races that had been conquered by Irk in Operation Impeding Doom II. You see I founded it soon after Vort was conquered and turned into a military research prison."
"I see." Dib said as his stomach started to growl and he saw the sun rising to the east, a light pastel orange glow falling over the sand, rocks and sagebrush. He then turned to the menu and to keep from the waitress from glaring at him too, despite the fact he was still wearing his "Greatest Person Ever to Live" award, he placed an order. "Ummmmm 2 chocolate chip waffles please."
"Whatever. You may be 'Greatest Person Ever to Live' but I honestly didn't need to have you encourage that lead singer." She said as she wrote down Dib's order and placed it on the carousel, dining the bell, letting the cook know there was an order.
"What's her problem? Seems like you've been here awhile." Dib asked Lord Nar.
"Well, I have. And she doesn't like people just sitting around. Says it hurts her tips or something like that. But I think between a few saucer morons and a couple of what you humans call truckers there was no one else for hours." Lord Nar said. "She just thinks I am a member of a band that was trying to get a 'gig' in that town about 100 miles from here."
"Las Vegas." Dib said. "Yeah, there's good reason she'd think that. But back to the topic at hand."
"Yes, well being an ally of Irk's and providing them with most of their technology, I mean I do regret that you destroyed the Massive. That was some of my proudest work." Lord Nar said with an angered look at Dib.
"Why would you be mad about that if you wanted to bring them down?" Dib asked.
"It's the principle of the thing I guess. I and my fellow Vortians helped to design and build that thing. Yes they did use it but you can never quite separate yourself from your work. How I got an idea to feed the Resisty when we were first starting out was the fact that the side pods were filled with snacks. That was the Irkens' greatest weakness. They like to indulge a little too much when there were other areas that they should have been working on." Lord Nar said. "But Vort's back story aside, once you brought that ship down with those powers the Meekrob gave you, you unleashed a fresh hell for the rest of the galaxy unwittingly."
"Well I was just protecting Earth there!" Dib said defensively. "I didn't know enough about your intergalactic power struggles to know what that would do."
"I am assuming that back when they gave you the powers, they didn't tell you they wanted you to be their weapon." Lord Nar said as he bit down on a sausage. "These are delicious by the way. Almost as good as a Vort Dog."
"You've had 83!" The waitress said as she put another plate down in front of him. "How you haven't died from all that fat and caffeine, I will never know. Just tip me well. Oh and Greatest Person Ever to Live, here's your waffles." She said placing Dib's waffles down in front of him harshly.
"You will be tipped handsomely mam." Lord Nar said politely. "But when you brought down the Massive, I was ecstatic. As soon as you did, two Meekrob by the names of Chowfun and Lomein came in and told me they were now out to conquer Irk."
"So?" Dib asked. "Sounds like that would be neither of our problems. Defiantly not mine." He said as he put some butter and syrup on his waffles.
"Well, it is my problem, and why I needed to talk to you about a few things." Lord Nar admitted. "I would not expect you to care about others who would need it, being a human and all. It's quite a feat of generosity to defend your own planet, the way you fight with each other over trivial things." Dib looked at him insulted. "But here's the thing, the planets conquered by Irk are in the Irken Empire. They haven't been set free and independent yet. So if the Meekrob Empire takes over Irk, it's sort of like this Risk board game I read about that humans play. If they take the home planet of the Irken Empire, they take the rest of the planets under their control."
"I never played Risk, but sounds like it, maybe a little off..." Dib said.
"So you see the issue at hand? We'd have another tyrannical empire ruling our people instead of returning them to their dignity and independence. That was the Resisty's goal. You may be the Greatest Person Ever to Live on Earth now, but we could use your talents and skills and even the powers, use Meekrob's weapon against themselves. Irk may be hobbled and hobbling Irk would have been one of our first steps towards independence as they couldn't keep ahold on so many planets without the Massive, but we did not want an new alien oppressor." Lord Nar yelled out in tired desperation. Dib laughed. "What's so funny jerk?"
"Alien oppressor... and you're an alien so..." Dib said.
"Well to us, you're the alien, idiot." Lord Nar said snarkly back. Dib shut up.
"Fine. Point taken." Dib said. He looked at his waffles and then back to Lord Nar. He looked at the annoyed but concerned Vortian's eyes and saw he was indeed worried what would become of his home world, going from one oppressor to another. Dib knew that while Irk may not have been one of the most sympathetic overlords, the Meekrob could not be much better. They used him as a pawn giving him the world at the moment but expected them to be their loyal servant after that. Cold and unfeeling. At least the Irkens could be more vociferous and full of life. Part of the fun of taking them down was seeing the Tallest freak out over losing the snacks. Leaders of an impressive intergalactic empire, acting like spoiled children who had lost their ice cream cones, acting like the world came to an end just because of the loss of the snacks. Dib bit his lower lip. He had wanted to be done with saving planets, Irkens and just the whole thing he had been struggling with so long. He had achieved his dream and wanted to savor it. But at the same time, it was going to get boring fast, something his own father, being a world famous scientist himself warned of. "I need to think about this. I mean I am sympathetic to your cause, because the Meekrob were quite the jerks to just assume I would serve them blindly and all, but you don't deserve to spend so much time fighting Irk to try and fight Meekrob next."
"I understand." Lord Nar said as he pulled out a communicator watch and handed it to Dib.
"I already have something like this." Dib said confused.
"This is one that will link directly to me." Lord Nar said. "When you decide, let me know." He dug into his pocket and laid a large stack of money on the table. "Keep the change mam. I have made sure that there was a very good tip in there for you."
"Thanks..." She said surprised looking at the large pile of bills that all appeared to be real as Lord Nar left the diner. She took the money to the register to ring up the total and add the change to her tips for the night with an ecstatic smile on her face. "I'd help that guy out. Whatever he needed of you, I'd do it. If he's that good a tipper, then he can't be all bad. He tipped more than everyone else did all night combined. I don't even care how he got the money!"
"Yeah, that's something I'm curious about. But I have to think a lot about his deal." Dib said.
Sizz-lorr was on Foodcourtia finishing the Inventory when he felt a buzz in his PAK. It must have been serious, as this only happened to the elite under the most dire of circumstances. Maybe what Gashloog heard as a rumor was true... Sizz-lorr thought as he pressed a button and a message began to play. "All Irken Tall Elite who receive this need to report to the Irken capitol of Zennithapex as soon as possible. Tallests Red and Purple cannot be located and their PAKs are not picking up our signals. To keep the power of the Empire, a new Tallest will be selected from some of Irk's Tallest."
"Great, I do not want that job after Red and Purple got Operation Impeding Doom trashed at the end of such a success. Why did they even go after Zim's planet?" Sizz-lorr said as he turned off the message and headed to his ship to report back to Irk.
"Where you going boss?" Gashloog said as he noticed Sizz-lorr come out of the freezer.
"I got duties on Irk, keep an eye on the place Gashloog." Sizz-lorr said.
"Okay, I hope all goes well." Gashloog said saluting him.
"Me too. I hope I'm not stuck there." Sizz-lorr said. Miyuki knows there has to be taller Irkens than me out there. I do not want that job at all. That would involve undoing a massive clusterfuck that the previous Tallest did.
So how was that? Good? Bad? Short? Long? Let me know in a review. Irk is in a rush to get new Tallest, assuming that Red and Purple are dead, Lord Nar trying to convince Dib to help them, and massive amounts of waffles, coffee and somehow money. I am hoping to get Taboo and maybe Minutes to Midnight done by the end of the year, but I will keep working on this when the ideas for those two get low. So remember to read (well you just did) and to review. Ciao for now,