A New Me, A New You @ncsupnatfan
Chapter 20

A/N: This chapter is longer for your read. We have come to the end of this journey but not the end of the story. We will continue Dean and Sam’s journey in ‘Finding Our New Path.’ This takes the brothers to a friend for help and we will meet a new character. Reviews would make my day. NC

Chapter 20

“I think you’re through the worst of it now Sammy,” Dean told him the next day. It was late afternoon and he had fixed dinner for everyone and was going to bring Sam upstairs.

Sam was laying on the cot still, and he had to agree with Dean. He could tell things were different. He still felt like crap, like he had a case of the flu, but his mind was starting to clear, even though he still had a low grade fever. His shakes were getting less, and he was able to drink protein drinks and keep them down. He pushed himself up and sat on the edge of the cot and took in some slow breaths, looking around and realizing the cot was at the doorway and not across the room.

“Dean why is the cot over here in the way?” he asked looking at this brother who sat in a chair holding the book he was reading to him.

“Bobby warded this room really good. Can’t go much farther than this or it takes me down,” he shrugged.

Sam though for a moment and finally put two and two together and looked at him with concerned eyes.

“I’m sorry Dean, you shouldn’t have stayed down here with me all this time. How bad is it now?”

“Nothing I can’t handle Sammy. Don’t worry about it. You’re getting out of here this evening. I’ve got dinner going, and you’re coming upstairs to eat.”

A look of hope and happiness spread across his face just knowing he could leave this room now.

“Can we go now?” he asked.

“Sure Sammy, just take it easy on the stairs,” Dean chuckled seeing the sparkle in Sam’s eyes. “Don’t need you face planting and hurting yourself.”

With Dean’s help, Sam stood and make sure his legs were going to support him before he shuffled slowly to the doorway and stepped over the bottom lip. He moved to the stairs and looked up them, swearing someone added more steps than he remembered. With a deep breath he started to climb them, being sure to have a firm grip on the railing as he went up. It was slow going and by the time he was to the top and stepped through the open doorway, he was completely exhausted and puffing hard.

“Here, let’s get you to a chair,” Dean urged guiding him quickly to a chair and making him sit.

“I’ll be fine,” Sam wheezed as beads of sweat popped out on his forehead.

“You’ll feel better once you start getting some food in you. I have a small baked potato, roll, one chicken strip and ginger ale for you,” Dean offered fixing Sam’s plate and sitting it in front of him.

Sam looked at the measly portion and then over at the plate Dean sat on the table for himself. It had fries, chicken strips, baked beans, and two rolls. He frowned and felt cheated as he poked his lower lip out to pout.

Dean saw his bitchy look and looked down at what he was staring at.

“Really bro, you’ll thank me after you eat. If you don’t take it slow, you’ll make yourself sick. Hell, you’ve not had much but liquids for a week now and you’re still running a slight fever.”

Before Sam could answer Dean, the back door opened, and Bobby came in and went to the sink to wash his hands.

“Sam! Good to see you upstairs and looking somewhat better,” Bobby greeted him with a warm smile. “Something smells good.”

“Help yourself Bobby, it’s on the stove,” Dean told him as he dipped a fry into ketchup and popped it in his mouth. He kept his gaze on Sam, watching as he forked a small bite of potato out of the peeling and ate it. He licked his lips and tried another bigger bite before cutting a piece of chicken to try it.

Sam knew what Dean said was right, but he still felt slighted with what was on his plate. Food tasted different and he did not know if it was because of his sickness or that he hadn’t eaten solid food in a week. Either way, it was good. He sipped on the soda and as soon as the cold liquid hit his stomach, he burped and covered his mouth as he mumbled ‘excuse me’ when Dean and Bobby looked at him in amusement.

“Think you’re up for a shower after we eat, and I get the kitchen cleaned?” Dean questioned.

Sam looked down at the clothes he had on, realizing he had been wearing them for about four or five days. He gave his upper arm a sniff and wrinkled his nose with the sweaty odor.

“Yeah Sammy, it’s you that smells kind of ripe,” Dean laughed.

“You’re catching up, when was your last shower?” Sam countered.

“Touché bro, you got me there. I figure we’ll call it an early night and maybe both of us can get showers and get a decent night’s sleep.”

“Sounds good to me too boys, I could do with a few extra hours of sleep myself,” Bobby said. “This old body isn’t as peppy as it used to be.”

“You’re not getting old Bobby, just seasoned,” Dean offered getting an eye roll from Sam.

“It would be nice,” Sam agreed biting a hunk of roll and chewing thoughtfully. He could tell Dean was tired by the slight bruising under his eyes and his exhausted expression that he could not hide. He did not know how much of it was the strain of being in the house since he was half demon now. Sam looked at him and tried to see his demon soul like he could a full demon but was surprised that all he could see was a swirl of greyish, whitish energy that wavered in and out around each other. It was of interest to see and wondered if Dean knew.

“Hey Sammy, you still here?” Dean asked when he saw Sam sort of blank out there for a moment. “Are you okay?”

“What? Oh, yeah, it was nothing,” Sam quickly noted hoping Dean wouldn’t question him further. “You were right, my eyes are bigger than my stomach. I don’t know if I can finish this.”

“You know big brother is always right,” Dean praised himself.

“Always?” Sam asked arching his eyebrows and pursing his lips. “How about the time you decided to ask that waitress…”

“Okay, I get it,” Dean cut him off before he said something really embarrassing about his sex life. That is what he got for telling Sam about his dates.

“I don’t think I should try to eat anymore,” Sam noted looking at the few bites left but feeling his stomach was already full enough.

“You did good Sammy, let me get the dishes and kitchen cleaned and we say our good nights and hit the showers, then it’s bedtime.” Dean got up and gathered their plates to take to the sink. He wolfed down what Sam did not eat, thinking no use wasting it, and hunted for plastic bowls for the untouched leftovers.

“I could help,” Sam offered, really hoping Dean would say no.

“Nope, you sit there and let your food settle and rest,” Dean insisted. “There’s not that much to do.”

“Dean’s right son, no need pushing yourself until you’re over this. Wouldn’t want a setback,” Bobby offered.

“Okay,” Sam huffed. “I’m outnumbered.” He slumped slightly in his seat and sipped on more of his soda, thinking it had a slightly different taste than the other drink he had, but dismissed it as his taste being off because he was sick. It did feel good to be upstairs, even the air smelt cleaner and fresher to him. He could hear Dean moving around behind him cleaning and even heard him hum a little under his breath. Sam was sure the pain was not as intense now for him and was happy he was improving so Dean wouldn’t have to be down in the panic room anymore.

“Well, the food was good boys, but I need to finish some research for another hunter and get it back to him,” Bobby sighed sliding his chair back to get up. He took his dishes to the sink and sat them down before heading out, pausing long enough to pat Sam on the shoulder as he passed by him.

Sam smiled at his touch and knew that was a sign Bobby was accepting him. He knew they still needed to talk but wanted to wait until he felt better. It was a start at least and that made him feel some better. Sam was finished with his drink by the time Dean finished in the kitchen.

“Okay Sammy, I’ll grab a couple of waters and let’s head upstairs. Are you ready?”

“Yeah, it’ll be nice to sleep in a real bed tonight.” Sam stood and steadied himself with the table for a moment before walking slowly toward the stairs. He focused on putting one step in front of the other without falling.

“I’ll grab our bags, do you think you can make it up the stairs or should I carry you?” Dean asked only to get a bitch face from Sam. “How ‘bout piggy back like you used to do when you were little?” Dean teased.

“I can do it myself,” he said firmly, determined to do it on his own and ignored Dean’s remark. After squaring his shoulders and gripping the handrail, he put his foot on the first step and began the upper trek to the second floor. He wiped his face as he counted the steps and saw there were only two more and it would be done. With two quick steps, he was to the top and felt Dean’s hand on his back to balance him as he swayed slightly backwards.

“Doing good there Sammy. Why don’t you on into the bathroom and I’ll get you some clean sleep clothes to change into?”

“Okay,” Sam huffed still feeling Dean’s hand on his back that pressed inward slightly to urge him forward. He moved down the short hall and stepped into the bathroom while Dean went into their bedroom across from it. Sam sat on the commode to rest a moment while he waited on Dean.

“Here you go, these should work,” Dean said. He laid briefs, light sweats, and a T-shirt by the sink for Sam. “I’ll leave the door partly open in case you need help.”

“Alright,” Sam nodded watching Dean leave and pull the door partly closed. He waited a few moments before pushing up and turning on the water before stripping out of his dirty clothes and letting them fall to the floor. He adjusted the water temperature and stepped into the tub, grabbing the bar for support and to get his balance. Sam stepped back under the spray and sighted with relief as the hot water flowed over him. He got his hair wet and shampooed it and then washed his body. It was a quick shower since he felt all his energy draining from him with the exertion. When he was stronger, he would take a long, hot shower but this would suffice for now. He grabbed a towel and dried off, doing his hair last before stepping out and sitting on the commode again. He reached for his sleep clothes and dressed. He stood at the sink and brushed his teeth, glancing in the mirror at his start of a beard. That would have to wait until his hands were steadier so he would not nick himself. When he was finished, Sam headed across the way to the bedroom to see Dean had turned his bed down and turned on the small lamp between their beds.

“I laid some Tylenol out for you to take,” Dean told him getting up and picking up his clothes to get his own shower. “You left me some hot water, didn’t you? I know how you are with showers.”

“Yes, and Dean, thanks,” Sam replied. He sat on the side of the bed and took the pills, washing it down with some water. He was completely drained now and slipped under the covers, relaxing into the soft mattress. It felt good, familiar, comforting even, and sighed in contentment. His eyelids were getting heavy and his mind was shutting down, but he wanted to stay awake until Dean came back. He listened to the water running in the bathroom until it cut off. It was not long before Dean came out and dropped their dirty clothes in a basket by the door. “Nite Dean,” Sam slurred out sleepily.

“Nite Sammy, if you need me, wake me.”

“I will…” he trailed off, not able to stay awake any longer now that he had some food in him and a hot shower.

Dean smiled when he saw Sam had drifted to sleep while he was trying to talk. He looked so innocent as his facial features relaxed and he started snoring softly. He pulled the covers back on his bed and got under them before turning off the light. Dean settled on the mattress and pushed back the annoying hum, buzz, whatever you wanted to call it, almost like an insect in his head, as he gave into the exhaustion he had been avoiding. Even now, he slept lightly so he could listen for Sam if he became distressed or needed him.


The next morning dawned and Sam’s fever was higher, his throat was sore and itchy, and he ached all over. This was different than before; it was almost like he had a bad case of the flu. Dean insisted he stay in bed and only get up to use the bathroom. Sam did not protest because he felt like crap.

“Here, take some more pills,” Dean told him holding out his hand for Sam.

Sam groaned and buried deeper in the pile of covers Dean had draped across him. “Don’t wanna,” he whined in an un-adult like voice.

“Come on Sammy, it’ll help get this fever down and make you feel better.”

“No,” a muffled voice answered weakly from the small opening he had for his face.

“Sam, you don’t want me to get Bobby, do you?” Dean asked in a sterner voice. It was like he was reliving his younger years when Sam would get sick and would not take his medicine. He was sounding just like that six year old of long ago. “I’ll bring you some ice cream later if you’re good now,” he bribed.

“Okay,” Sam rasped out. He pushed the covers from his head and sat up enough to take the pills and wash them down with Gatorade. Once he was done, he buried back into the blankets away from the world.

“Why don’t I read some more to you?” Dean asked. “I think we’re getting to some good parts.”

“’ky,” a weak mumbled voice replied.

“I know you feel bad Sammy, but at least the worst seems over. Once this fever breaks, you’ll start feeling better and in no time, you’ll be up and bugging the hell out of me.” Dean paused hoping Sam was listening to him. “Alright, where were we?” Dean said picking up the book from the nightstand. When he had seen Sam’s condition earlier that morning, he had brought a chair up so he could sit by his bed and keep an eye on him. He did not want him by himself in case he got worse. “Stone rose early but Annabelle was already downstairs having hot tea in front of the fireplace. He nodded to her as he came into the room, and then looked for others about….” Dean’s deep voice was the only sound in the room except for an occasional cough, sniff, and throat clearing from Sam. Dean read for nearly two hours before stopping. He knew Sam had gone to sleep about fifteen minutes into the story, but he continued to read looking for a good stopping place. He marked his place and closed the book before getting up and snaking a hand into the blankets to feel Sam’s forehead.

Dean headed downstairs to get some dinner going for him and Bobby and some soup for Sam. He had not eaten all day, but Dean did get fluids into him to keep him hydrated. He met Bobby coming from his office as he continued to the kitchen.

“How’s Sam doing?” Bobby asked.

“Fever’s still higher than I like, and he’s grumpy just like he was when he was a kid and sick. He’s sleeping right now and I decided to get dinner going. I’m going to fix him some soup and see if he’ll eat it. How ‘bout burgers tonight?”

“That’s fine son, do you want me to go sit with him?”

“Yeah, I guess in case he needs to get up and use the bathroom. I’ll throw the burgers on the grill to cook and will do his soup last. It should be done in about forty minutes.” Dean went to the fridge for the hamburger meat to season and pat into the burgers. He had frozen steak fries and was going to sauté an onion. He hummed softly to himself as he worked quickly on the meal.

“Alright, I’ll head on up.” Bobby headed to the stairs and went upstairs to the brother’s bedroom. He stepped into the room and glanced around before grabbing the bag from the trash can that was full on tissues and added empty drink bottles, wanting to clean up a little. He shook out a new bag for the can and put it back beside the bed in case Sam needed it. Sam was still asleep, and he could see he was still feverish by the red splotches on his cheeks. Bobby reached for the cloth on the nightstand and gently wiped Sam’s face, hoping not to wake him. He put a hand to his cheek and felt the heat coming off it, even though Sam’s body would shiver with a chill once and a while.

After taking a seat, Bobby got comfortable and picked up the book laying on the nightstand. He turned to the first page and started reading while occasionally looking to Sam’s slack face as he snored softly. He was worried about Sam and hoped his body could sustain after what it was being put through. He looked up when Sam groaned and moved around but did not wake as he settled back down. Forty-five minutes later, Bobby got up and left Sam sleeping to head back down for dinner. The enticing aroma hit him before he got to the kitchen and his mouth watered in anticipation. Dean could be a good cook when he put his mind to it, and he reaped the rewards.


Dean stepped into the room with a tray that had soup, crackers, Gatorade, and applesauce. He hoped to get Sam to eat something before giving him more meds. Dean was trying to keep him hydrated and medicated to break his fever. He sat the tray on his bed so he could wake up his brother.

“Hey buddy, wanna wake up and eat something?” he coaxed Sam, pulling the covers down from his face.

“Mmm…Mmmm,” Sam moaned covering his face with his arm.

“Wakey, wakey Sammy,” Dean tried again, pulling his arm down and tapping his cheeks. He got a bitch face from Sam as he squinted open one eye to look at him. “You need to try and eat something, c’mon and sit up bro.” Dean helped him slide up and adjusted the pillows for him before getting the tray and sitting it in his lap. “Here you go, chicken and rice soup, crackers, and applesauce. See if you can eat something Sammy.”

“Not hungry,” Sam sighed looking at the food and grimacing.

“For me, just a few bites, maybe a few crackers,” Dean begged knowing he needed something in his stomach before taking any more meds.

Sam picked up a cracker and dipped it in the soup broth before biting off half of it and chewing. He swallowed, making a face as his throat hurt. He sipped on the drink, hoping the cold would help the rawness and ease his pain. His stomach growled as the food hit it and ate the rest of the cracker. After a moment, Sam took the spoon and scooped up some soup, eating it, but not really tasting it and then tried the applesauce. After a couple of minutes, Sam stopped and slumped back into the pillows.

“Done,” he sighed.

“That was good Sammy. Wanna go to the bathroom before I take this downstairs?”

“Yeah,” Sam nodded, trying to push the mound of blankets off his lower body.

Dean helped him get the blankets out of the way and helped him to stand and get his balance. He draped an old bathrobe over Sam’s shoulders, to keep him from getting a chill, and kept a firm grip on his arm as they moved across the room and hall to the bathroom where Dean let him go in on his own. He kept the door cracked so he could hear if Sam needed help. He heard the water running after a few minutes and pushed from the wall as Sam shuffled out, hunched over, walking like an old man. Dean got him back and bed and covered him up before picking up the tray.

“I’ll take this down and will be back up.”

“You don’t have to stay with me,” Sam spoke in a rough voice. “I’ll be okay.”

“I don’t mind Sammy. It’s better sitting up here than down in the panic room. It’s a big improvement. Hopefully, this fever will break tomorrow. Try to rest, I’ll bring your meds when I come back up.” Dean took the tray downstairs and threw away what Sam did not eat since he was afraid of it being contaminated now that Sam ate from it. After washing up the few dishes, he grabbed a water and headed back upstairs to keep Sam company until he went back to sleep.


The second day came and went but Sam’s fever never broke; it stayed the same. Dean stayed with him during the day, being sure he tried to eat something and kept pushing fluids on him. He read to him and kept cold compresses on his forehead, hoping to get his temperature down.

It was evening and Bobby came up with a hot toddy for Sam, hoping this might break his fever. With some urging and the promise of anything he wanted, even a dog, where that came from, Dean did not know, but Sam’s startled wide-eyed reaction to that promise made it worthwhile. Sam finally drank it and fought hard to keep drink down.

It was in the early morning of the third day that the fever did break, and Sam fought to throw blankets off his too hot, sweaty body. Dean woke with his movements and helped him checking to find his forehead was cool. He wiped his face and neck one more time before Sam dozed back off into an exhausted slumber. Now that the fever had broken, Dean thought Sam’s recovery would speed up. He went back to bed and let himself sleep a little deeper now that it looked like the battle was almost over.

A few hour later, Dean woke first and blinked the sleep from his eyes and stretched his arms over his head as he let his body wake up. He looked to the other bed and saw Sam was stirring too.

“Hey Sammy, how are you feeling?” Dean asked pushing himself up in his bed to sit on the edge of it.

“Better,” Sam grimaced. “Throat still hurts a bit.”

“Think maybe you can take a shower so I can change the sheets on your bed and wash up all the blankets you used.”

“Yeah, need shower,” Sam agreed as he eased up, waiting for the dizziness to pass. Now that his fever was gone, he was starting to feel human again.

“I’ll get you some clean clothes and after your shower, it’s back to bed, but if you’re still doing okay, we’ll see about you coming downstairs for dinner.”

“I do feel a little hungry.” Sam eased to a standing position, his feet feeling cold on the wooden floor. He wiggled his toes for a moment as he took in a couple of deep breaths and preceded to walk across the room and into the hall to the bathroom. He could feel Dean hovering behind him to be sure he did not fall and did not mind. It showed him how much he cared. At least now the mother hen role could maybe stop. He started the water and let it run as he pulled off his T-shirt and let his sweats drop to the floor before stepping from them.

“I’ll take these to wash,” Dean told him snagging the dirty clothes and frowning when he saw how skinny Sam had gotten. He noted to be sure Sam ate extra to try and get some of the lost weight back on him. “You going to be okay while I strip the bed and take the things down to wash?”

“Yeah, a shower is going to feel good,” Sam told him. He waited until Dean left before dropping his briefs and tossing them out the door for Dean, then stepped under the hot spray. It took his breath away at first until his body adjusted to the temperature and let the water wash over him. Sam coughed several times as the steam loosened his chest so he could breathe easier. He leaned his head forward to wet his hair and shampooed it twice before washing his body of the sweat and stink that clung to it. He shut the water off, and dried off, feeling better but still weak, and was glad Dean wanted him to go back to bed. He stepped out of the tub and put on the clothes Dean had left for him. He coughed hard twice and spit into the commode what came up.

Sam smiled when he saw his bed was made and turned down for him. He slipped between the clean sheets and relaxed back onto the pillow with a soft sigh. He closed his eyes until noises alerted him Dean was back.

“Hey, at least you smell better,” Dean chuckled. “I got you some oatmeal and a yogurt and apple juice for breakfast. If this settles okay on your stomach, we’ll keep adding additional solid foods.”

“Thanks for putting bananas on the oatmeal for me,” Sam told him picking up the bowl and spooning some out to eat. After the first bite, he started eating faster trying to fill the empty feeling in his stomach.

“Whoa tiger, don’t choke yourself and don’t overdo it and make yourself sick,” Dean cautioned him as he watched him scarf down the oatmeal.

“S’rry,” Sam burped, feeling embarrassed as he looked down at the empty bowl.

“Don’t be sorry, I’m just glad you’re finally eating. Need to put some meat back on your skinny body.”

“Thanks for taking care of me Dean, even with your own pain.”

“Of course, little brother, that’s my job, always has been, always will be.”

“You’re a good big brother.”

“Okay enough chick flick moment here dude,” Dean noted sighing and sitting on his bed giving a serious look at Sam.

“Now that you’re more alert Sammy, we need to have a little heart to heart,” Dean said in a serious tone.

“Umm…Sure…What Dean?”

“Well, first, can I ask you something?”


“Now that you are pretty much off the demon blood, did it affect your powers? Do you still have them? Do they seem as strong?”

“I hadn’t really thought about it,” Sam mumbled. “Let me see.” Sam looked at the book on the nightstand between the beds and frowned slightly as he willed it to move. After a few moments, the book shifted and suddenly it rose in the air and moved to drop on Dean’s bed. “Guess that answers that and I don’t think they are weaker or stronger that I can tell. I don’t know how to tell really.”

“Good to know that much anyway. I know we’re both different now and we need to find our flow again, but Sammy, no more secrets between us. We’ve got to be honest with each other about everything for this to work. If we’re not honest with ourselves and with each other…We can’t build the trust that we used to have and…I want that again. With both of us changed, we might not ever get back what we had, but I know we can make this work, if you want it to. Can you do that Sammy?” Dean knew he was not doing what he was preaching, but he could not tell Sam about him killing Ruby. He could not drive Sam away from him, not when he needed his big brother. From now on he would lay all the cards out on the table with Sam, no matter how hard it is.

Sam listened to Dean talk as he spooned yogurt into this mouth. He knew what he was saying was him being honest and forthright and he wanted it too. He wanted their relationship to work.

“You’re right Dean and I want it more than anything. No more lies, hiding things, not telling you everything…I get it, we’re both not the same person as we once were, but that doesn’t mean we can’t build a relationship again. We have abilities, powers that we can use to our advantage and working together just makes us stronger. I’m willing to try if you are.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” Dean smiled laying a hand on his arm. “Why don’t you rest a bit and I’ll go check the laundry and bring you back a protein shake. I figure small meals through the day will be easier on you than big meals.”

“Okay,” Sam nodded letting Dean take the tray out of his lap. His stomach rolled and settled as he sipped on the apple juice Dean left. He was glad they finally had the talk they both needed and knew where they stood with their relationship. He was pleased and happy Dean wanted to make it work, that he was not giving up on him, no matter what he had done in the past. He had hope now they could work it out and who knows become even better hunters with their enhanced abilities.


Dean checked the washer and pulled out the blankets and put in another load with the sheets and remaining blankets. He took the basket outside to a clothesline that Karen, Bobby’s wife, used to use. It was not used much anymore, and it took him a few minutes to find clothes pins that were stuffed in the back corner on the shelf of the laundry room. He shook out a blanket and pinned it to the line and moved downward hanging each one. He stepped back when he was done and tilted his head to let the sun shine on his face warming it. A burden had been lifted from his shoulders now that he had talked to Sam. Dean was happy to know Sam wanted the same thing as him, to stay together and work together.

With the basket in hand, Dean strolled back to the house, wanting to check on Sam and take him a protein drink. He dropped the basket in the laundry room and went to the fridge for the drink. Dean headed back upstairs to find Sam dozing, looking so much better than when he was brought upstairs three days ago. Dean was relieved that he did not have to dose Sam’s drinks with his blood anymore to get him through his withdrawals. It was good to have Sam back, clean and healing. He smiled when Sam opened his eyes and saw Dean standing there.

“I brought you a shake,” Dean offered sitting it on the nightstand where Sam could reach it. He had put a straw in the bottle to make it easier for him to drink. “How ‘bout I read a few more chapters while I wait for the laundry to wash?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Sam mumbled, yawning, and adjusting his pillows where he was reclined.

Dean picked up the book and cleared his throat before starting on the next chapter. His voice was soothing and calm and had Sam hanging on every word just like he did back when they were kids and he would read comics to him. It was not a book he would normally read, but it did catch and keep his attention. He sipped on the shake as Dean’s voice filled the bedroom and the story continued to unfold. Sam thought he might check out some other books by Baldacci once Dean finished this one.

“Okay Sammy, I’m going to check the laundry and go hang it out. Bobby will be back by dinner and we’ll get you downstairs and maybe let you get some fresh air and sunshine before the sun goes down. Sound good to you?”

“Yeah, I’m ready to get out of this bed and this room.”

“Good, rest now, and that’ll be the plan.”

“Bathroom first and then nap,” Sam agreed easing from the bed and heading across the hall to use the bathroom. When he came back out, Dean had gone downstairs and he went back to bed. He wanted to be able to go downstairs later and stay up for a while afterwards. It seemed as each hour passed, he seemed to feel a little stronger and his aches and pains were easing. He was finally starting to feel good about himself and not like he was a freak or evil or a monster.

Sam did not realize how much time had passed until Dean came back upstairs with a bowl of soup and grilled cheese sandwich for a late lunch. He had a couple of sandwiches for himself and drinks for them. Sam ate slower this time, enjoying the food as he talked to Dean while they ate. It was nice and they both enjoyed it. Dean cleaned up and took the tray back downstairs before coming back up with a radio. He plugged it in and found a station so Sam could have some music to listen to. Dean left Sam’s cell phone on the nightstand in case Sam needed him and was going to go change the oil in the Impala. He needed to keep busy until it was time to fix dinner and thought it would be good to let Sam sit on the deck to get some fresh air while he got it ready.


“Okay Sammy, ready to go downstairs?” Dean asked coming into the bedroom and turning off the radio.

“Yeah, let me use the bathroom first.” Sam woke himself up and got up to do that. He was steadier on his feet and more confident in his movements now. After a few minutes, Sam came out of the bathroom to find Dean waiting on him. “I’m ready.”

“You sure about the stairs Sammy?” Dean asked stopping at the top. “I could carry you down.”

“Not on your life; I can walk down,” Sam stated giving Dean a bitch face before grabbing the railing and carefully going down the steps. He could feel Dean right behind him ready to pounce if he tripped or fell. Sam let out the breath he was holding once he stepped onto the wooden floor.

“Nice job Sammy. Why don’t I get you set up out on the deck with a drink and I’ll get dinner going?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Sam replied thinking some sunshine and fresh air was what he needed. He followed Dean into the kitchen and out the back door where he had a lounge chair waiting for him.

“Here you go, take a seat,” Dean said proudly. He had set up the chair with a blanket over it and a drink sitting on a small table beside it.

“Thanks,” Sam told him squinting with the sunlight.

“Wait, I got this,” Dean said. He stepped into the kitchen and came back with sunglasses for him. “Put these on.”

Sam sat down and took the glasses, putting them on. He looked out across the yard and saw sheets and blankets blowing gently in the wind. It felt good against his cheeks and blew his hair from his face. Sam could hear Dean banging pots and pans in the kitchen and tuned it out to focus on the sounds around him. He could hear insects, birds, squeaking of metal against metal, the creaking of the branches in the trees and an occasional vehicle going by on the road that ran by the salvage yard. He was content to let the world pass him by and sit here feeling the warmth of the sun on his skin.

“It’s good to see you up Sam, that toddy must have done the trick,” Bobby greeted him as he stepped onto the porch.

“Hey Bobby, and I think it did. Thanks,” Sam replied looking up at him.

“Mind if I join you?”

“Sure Bobby, why don’t you pull up a chair and have a seat.” Sam sat up a little in his chair as Bobby pulled one over and took a seat beside him.

“Sam, I wanted to talk to you now that you’re better,” Bobby started. He pulled his hat off and ran a hand over his thinning hair before replacing it. “Dean told me what happened to you son. Why didn’t you call me and let me help? You shouldn’t have gone through that alone like you did.”

Sam hung his head, ashamed of what he had done, and that Bobby knew now. He was not sure how Bobby was going to react to it and was scared what he would say and if he would ask him to leave thinking he was evil or unclean.

“I-I had to get revenge for Dean…What she did to him…The suffering he was going through…” Sam spoke just loud enough to be heard.

“Just like yer Daddy; he didn’t see the path he was traveling down and taking you boys until it was too late. I know you wanted your revenge but was it worth it?” When Sam did not answer, Bobby continued. “I understand how you felt, and how it drove you. I’m just glad yer brother found you before it was too late. I never gave up on you Sam because I knew you were strong enough to survive it. It may take some getting used to the changes in both you and your brother, but I will do it. I’m not letting either of you do this alone.”

“Thanks Bobby, it’s more than I could have asked of you,” Sam replied as he blinked away his tears. It was good to know they had someone else on their side who they could count on.

“Sam, there’s someone I want you to go see who might can help you. She’s a psychic and a good one. She might be able to guide you down the path you are taking. I know your brother is going to be right there beside you, so neither of you will be alone. Her name’s Missouri Moseley. Your Daddy went to her after your Momma was killed. She helped him see the truth and opened his eyes to the supernatural world. Missouri sent yer Daddy to me for help. I remember seeing you two boys for the first time, Dean still shell shocked and you just a tiny baby.”

“Does Dean know her?” Sam asked curious to know more. This was new information about his Dad and Dean that he did not know about.

“Not sure if he remembers or not, he was only four or maybe five at the time.”

“Where does she live?” Sam asked, his interest peaked now.

“Lawrence, Kansas.”

“No, no…” Sam whispered knowing what Lawrence, Kansas meant to Dean. “I couldn’t do that to Dean.”

“Do what to Dean?” Dean asked stepping onto the deck and hearing Sam’s last statement. When neither answered him as he looked from one to the other, Dean continued. “C’mon guys, don’t keep me in the dark here.”

“Bobby wanted me to go see someone he knows, but I can go on my own,” Sam said quickly.

“You mean go to Lawrence, Sammy,” Dean asked calmly. “I’m good with it. When you’re better, if you’re good with going, then that is where we’re heading.”

“But you said…”

“I know what I said, but nothing’s set in stone Sammy. If she can help you, then I’m all for it.”

“Do you remember her?” Sam asked.

“Vaguely, I think she gave me a cookie or something. You know that time is fuzzy, and I don’t think about it much. Dinner’s ready, let’s go and eat while it’s hot.”

Sam looked at Dean’s back thinking there was a lot not said there but did not voice his thoughts. Him and Bobby got up and followed Dean inside. Sam did not say anything else about leaving as he mulled it over. He hated Dean would do this for him when he said he would never go back there. This just showed how much Dean really cared about him. He planned on talking to Dean tonight before they went to bed to be sure he was truly okay with going back to Lawrence.

Dean studied Sam as he ate and knew there was something on his mind and he was sure it had to do with what Bobby told him. He had a feeling Sam would be asking him about it when they were alone and knew he needed to prepare himself to show no negative feelings about it. He wanted to get whatever help possible for Sam since this was out of his league. If it were not for Sammy, he would never go back there.

They finished dinner and Dean cleaned the kitchen while Bobby and Sam watched some television in the living room. It was good to have Sam up and doing better now. His thoughts drifted back to a time when he was so young and pictured a short, coca skinned woman who was kind to him when he was so withdrawn and scared. Dean would give Sam time to recover before they headed out to see Missouri.

Did he like this new development? No, but if this was what Sam needed, then he would shove his feelings into a box and lock them away. Sammy came first right now, no matter how he felt about doing this.


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